Hard to Love You

Hailey starts to pull away. She places her legs on the floor in between mine. She looks over her shoulder before standing and says, “Remember that time when you told me that I lost my mirror?”

“Yeah.” I remembered it exactly. I’d told her that when she was ready for it that I would be here for her.

She looks straight ahead out the bay window, “You told me before that I was your mirror Mason, but the thing with mirrors is they shatter all the time.” Hailey sits for another few seconds and then stands up out walks to the front door leaving.

My mirror has officially shattered and I’m sure I’ll be cursed for the next seven years.

When I left the Cahill’s house I decided to just go home, I really didn’t need to be dealing with Tara and her bullshit, but I didn’t have anywhere else to go.

“Hailey?” Mom calls out from the kitchen.

I drop my keys in the glass bowl that’s on the table by the front door. “Yeah it’s me, Mom.”

“Come in here Sweetie.” Mom practically sings. If Tara wasn’t here I would think she had my favorite Vodka poured in the biggest glass that we own, but I knew this wasn’t going to go well.

I walk to the kitchen and decide that Chocolate Vodka sounds good right about now. I open up the cabinet above the sink and grab the bottle, then I reach into the other cabinet and get a glass.

“Honey, is that such a good idea?” Mom asks. Tara is just watching me move about the kitchen. She hasn’t said two words to me and I’m not saying shit to her.

I fill the glass halfway with Coke and ice and then finish it off with the Chocolate Vodka. I mix it around with my finger and take a sip, letting the first taste settle into my stomach and warm me up.

“So we have some news.” Mom says as she continues to stir the sauce that she is making.

I take a seat on the other end of the table, opposite Tara, and keep my eyes trained on my glass. I can feel her staring holes into my head. I’m not letting her get to me. I’m barely holding my shit together right now as it is.

“Oh yeah? What’s the news, Mom?” I finally ask since she doesn’t seem to want to tell me until I’m paying attention.

Mom says without missing a beat, “Tara is pregnant.”

My eyes fly to my sister’s. She is sitting there, looking down at the table like she’s trying to figure out how all that wood was made into a table. I’m not surprised by this; actually I’m kind of shocked it took her so long.

“Congratulations, I hope he or she turns out to be just like Satan.” I say to Tara and then get up from the table to head to my room and drink this night away.

Mom is staring hard at the sauce, “And she’s moving home.”

I walk over to where I left the Vodka on the counter, pick it up and start walking to my room. “And I’m moving out.” I throw over my shoulder.

I hear Mom cry out in protest but I don’t give a shit. How could she allow Tara to move back in with us? Mom knows Tara and I don’t get along, we are like oil and water. Plus, how would we all fit in a two bedroom house? I push my bedroom door open, start my iPod, take off my bra and shorts and then climb in bed with my new best friend, Vodka. I want to forget about Mason, mirrors, my sister, my mom, all of it. Tomorrow I will come up with a plan, but tonight I just want to drown in this bottle.

The next morning, while I’m at work, I put in my two week notice. I knew I needed to get away, start fresh somewhere else for a while. I called Bentley and took him up on his offer to come for a visit. I told him everything that had happened and he offered for me to stay for however long I needed, but he said he had to talk to the guys first. Apparently Logan had moved in a few weeks ago. Bentley said there was plenty of room in Hunter’s old room for Zeke and Logan to share, or they could fix up the basement and make a room down there for Logan. To be honest, after I’d found out Logan was there I started to hesitate. Logan was Brittany’s cousin and I had a little fling with him in my freshman year of college. I told Bentley he didn’t have to go through all that and I would figure something else out. He told me to think about it and I promised I would. Ten minutes later, after hanging up with Bentley, Logan was calling me and telling me he had no problem moving around and things wouldn’t be weird. I made him promise that he would never invite Brittany over while I was staying there. He agreed, and I agreed to move in. Everything was set. I was moving and transferring back to ODU in the fall.

23

It’s Wednesday afternoon and I welcome our away game; I needed to get the hell out of town. I felt like I was suffocating in all of mine and Hailey’s memories. . We would arrive back home on Sunday and were expected to go to my parent’s house for dinner with Hunter and MacKenzie, who had just got home from their honeymoon. This is something I am not looking forward to in the slightest; MacKenzie is going to cut off my balls. Hailey and I promised her that we would fix things.

I keep to myself while we’re on the road. The rest of the world is going on around me while I feel like I’m stuck in time. I miss Hailey. I miss her smile, her blue eyes. I miss the way that I can make her laugh so hard she snorts, and the way her tiny little dimple on her right cheek shows when she smiles. I miss her kisses and her warm, soft body wrapped around me.

I growl in frustration as I pound my feet harder and harder on the treadmill. I woke up earlier than the rest of the team because I was restless and irritable, so I came down to the hotel fitness center for a run. My life is so f**ked up. I’ve come clean with Hailey about everything but still haven’t talked to Cooper about it and I really don’t even feel like it’s important to me right now, not at this point. But it’s causing tension between us and I hate that.

Coach was pissed when he caught a look at my hand as we were boarding the bus on Tuesday. I tried to hide it and I think that pissed him off even more. He demanded x-rays when I told him it was fine. Coach said if it wasn’t broken then I could come and catch a ride with our assistant coach, Chris, since he was coming down later that night. Turns out it wasn’t broken but I wasn’t going to be pitching for at least a week. That’s how my bad luck started. The ride down to Charlestown, West Virginia, was long and quiet until just after midnight. I had just started dozing off when I was woken by a loud bang. Coach Chris’s car hissed, knocked, stuttered and then shut down. We had to call a tow truck and then find a cab company to drive us the rest of the way to the hotel. Thankfully we weren’t too far because the stench in the cab was nasty, like stale cigarettes and sex.