Hard to Love You

I look over at Elle and she’s watching us with that mom look. The one that says, ‘now children play nice.’ I smile over at her, letting her know that everything will be fine. I take a seat on the couch; Mason sits up and faces me.

He looks like hell, as I do. We sit in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments, not knowing what to say or do. Elle walks over to Ryder, picks him up and leaves the room. I guess she senses our need to talk, and now it’s just the two of us with this ugly cloud looming over us.

“I’m sorry.” We both say at the same time.

“Go ahead.” I tell Mason.

“I’m sorry, Hailey. I f**ked up. I was trying to keep my promise to you by not asking you to keep a secret for me. I shouldn’t have done that. I know you think that something went on with Lily at the bar but it didn’t. She was pissed because I stopped her from causing a possible shit storm.” He gets up off the floor and sits on the other end of the couch.

I flinch when he says ‘my family’; I thought I was part of that. I guess I thought wrong. “Is what you’re keeping that important that you would let me believe that something happened between you two?”

Mason considers my question before answering. “Yes and no. Yes because I didn’t want her ruining Hunter and MacKenzie’s wedding and I don’t want her to come between Cooper and Jaylinn.” My eyebrows furrow in confusion. “But it wasn’t worth ruining us. It actually doesn’t have a damn thing to do with us. I asked you to trust me, Hailey. Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?”

I answer honestly. “No you haven’t, Mason. But what’s done is done now. I can’t help how it felt seeing you with her.”

He nods in agreement. So much has happened in the last twenty-four hours.

“What’s this big secret anyway? Will you at least tell me now?” I’d really like to know what has Mason going through all this trouble.

Mason shifts on the couch so his body is facing mine. “I’m not sure if it’s even worth telling. It has nothing to do with us, like I said, and it’s not going to change the way things are now.” He mumbles something about last night but I don’t pay him any mind.

I turn my body to face him and fold my leg under me. “You’re right. It’s not going to change anything, Mason. Too much has happened. Secrets were kept and lies were told.”

He runs his fingers through his hair, something he always does when he’s nervous. “Yeah you’re right. Some things need to be cleared up though. So I’m going to tell you any way.” He looks up at me and watches me closely. “First, I never cheated on you. I talked to Lily this morning,” This morning? What the hell? “And she said that she and Brittany were just messing around with you.” I’m about to protest and tell him he’s wrong but Mason cuts me off. “It was wrong Hailey, more than wrong. It was sick and cruel but you should have known better.”

I open my mouth and then shut it just as quickly. He’s right in a way. I should have given Mason the benefit of the doubt. He always tried to call me every spare minute he had when he was on the road. Mason always tried to keep me in the loop, even going as far as taking pictures of different things and texting them to me so that I felt like I was there with him.

“The reason I never said anything about this secret was because I didn’t know if Lily was lying or not. Honestly, I’m not at all sure right now and I wasn’t about to start something right before the wedding. But what I’m about to say doesn’t leave us no matter what.”

Mason waits for me to agree. “Alright.”

He looks intently at me, “Lily claims that Cooper slept with Brittany,” I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand. “A few years ago. Now after all the shit that those bitches started I don’t know what to believe.” I can’t f**king believe it. “Lily said that it happened over a spring break. I remember going there but I think I would remember Brittany. I think Cooper definitely would have remembered banging her. I’ve tried to hint around about it but he’s given me nothing.”

I remove my hand from my mouth and ask, “Do you think he did?”

Mason regards me, “Honestly, I have no idea. Sometimes I think maybe he did, and other times I don’t. You know how Cooper and Jaylinn’s relationship is. Christ just look how they were on Sunday night. They were all over each other but Cooper won’t have sex with her.”

Mason is absolutely right. Cooper will not sleep with Jaylinn no matter what. No one can figure out why and when we bring it up Cooper and Jaylinn both just tell us to drop it. Could this be the reason why he won’t? I mean, it makes sense. If Cooper realized that he slept with Jaylinn’s step-sister he’d be afraid that he’d lose Jaylinn. But then again, if what Lily says is true, it happened years ago, long before we knew Brittany, Hunter, and Jay were related. How pissed could they be over a mistake made years ago? Cooper didn’t know. Hell, Hunter was partying with his step-sister and didn’t know it.

“I think you need to talk to your brother, Mason.”

“I had planned on it after the wedding but haven’t found the right time to bring it up. I planned on making everything right with you after I talked to Cooper. Clearly things never go as planned. I’m sorry I kept this from you and let it taint us, but I have to put my family first.” Mason answers.

The ‘my family first’ comment feels like another slap in the face. I wanted to be Mason’s first. I closed my eyes. “Why couldn’t you put me first, Mason? Why couldn’t I have just been enough for you to pick me first?” I cry.

Mason makes an attempt to move closer but I put my hand up to stop him.

“I made a mistake, Hailey, I see that now. Every time I try and protect someone it backfires in my face.” Mason says back as his voice cracks.

I open my eyes and blink the tears away. “And it cost you our relationship this time, Mason. We were great together.”

Mason lies back against the couch and stares up at the ceiling. “I know, Hailey.” Mason huffs and scrubs his face. “But I think I f**ked up even more last night.”

I raise my eyebrows up in question. “What do you mean?”

Mason sits up and I can see the sorrow, regret and pain laced on his face. “I’m gonna destroy any hope that we have left.”

My heartbeat picks ups a notch, my hands are clammy. “What did you do?”