Hard Love (Hacker 5)
Page 39Then she was there.
Standing at the edge of the table, in jeans and a loose sweater, looking tentative. She was closer than she’d been in days, but somehow she felt a million miles away from me. I pushed out of my chair and went to her. She took a step back like she was scared.
I stopped short in front of her. Clenching my fists to keep from touching her, I tried to pull myself together, but the look in her clear blue eyes was ripping my heart out.
“Baby, I’m not going to hurt you.”
She swallowed, her lips parting slightly. “Aren’t you angry with me?”
“No. I’m—God, just come here.”
I hauled her to me, lifting her off her feet as soon as I could get my arms around her. I nuzzled her neck and breathed her in. She was more potent than any drink. I said her name, over and over. She was home. And safe. Thank God.
I sought her mouth, gliding my lips over hers reverently. The kiss reminded me of the one that had sealed us as husband and wife. Until her tongue touched mine. Tender at first, and then seeking more. I groaned when she slid her fingers through my hair, gripping by the roots. I caught a breath and pulled away enough to see the new fire gleaming in her eyes. She wrapped her legs around me, and I walked us into the living room.
I laid her down on the couch and covered her body with mine. The feeling of her warm little body under me was like heaven. Desire prickled my skin, but simply having her with me again overwhelmed me. I didn’t have words for it. I caressed her cheek, thumbing over her parted lips.
Something like sadness passed behind her eyes. Before she could explain why, I kissed her again. I swallowed all the things I knew she wanted to tell me. I kissed her, deeply and passionately, until she broke the contact. I wanted to make love to her and forget the past two days had happened. I wanted to start over, but I knew it wouldn’t be that easy. Reluctantly, I lifted my body from her, enough to look into her eyes.
“We need to talk,” she said breathlessly.
My muscles coiled with tension. I wasn’t going to let her leave me. Maybe she’d be better off with someone who was less fucked in the head, but I didn’t care. Selfishly, I’d fight like hell to keep her any way I could.
Mentally preparing myself for the deluge of thoughts that she’d no doubt collected over the past two days, I gradually moved to a sitting position. She did the same, lifting her knees onto the couch on the far end from me.
“Do we have to talk this far apart?”
“I can’t—I can’t think straight when you’re touching me, Blake. And I need you to hear me.”
My mouth went dry, but I wanted to know right away. I didn’t want the torture of hearing her dance around it.
“Are you going to leave me?”
An unseen force punched me in the gut. I rubbed my hands against my knees, preparing myself to do whatever I needed to do in this moment. “You were right. I made you a promise and I broke it. I’m not perfect, and I know that’s not an excuse, but you have to believe that I love you, Erica. More than anything, and I’ll do whatever I need to do to keep you—”
“You don’t have to worry about keeping me, Blake, but . . .”
A glimmer of hope took the edge off my fear. But . . . “But what?”
“Blake . . .”
Her lip trembled and she tugged anxiously at the rip in her jeans. I started to worry again that something was terribly wrong. I wanted to have her close again, to assure her that whatever it was we could get through. We’d been through enough hell together already.
“Blake, I’m pregnant.”
All the air left the room. Everything went black and white, blurry around the edges, except for the woman sitting beside me. Erica. My wife. In color, in focus, the words that she’d just spoken echoing clear as a bell.
Pregnant.
“How long have you known?”
“I just found out. I took a pregnancy test when I was in Texas. Well, Alli made me take a few, but they were all positive.”
I shook my head, hoping to shake some clarity into it. “Wait, Texas?”
New sadness met her eyes. “I went to talk to Michael. I was hoping that he would help us.”
Inwardly, I cursed myself up and down for making her believe she had to do that. “Baby . . . why would you do that?”
“Because I knew you wouldn’t.”
I closed my eyes. She was right, but none of that mattered now. I opened them and pulled her to me. We didn’t need this distance. She came willingly, straddling my lap.