Gone

It almost hurts to hear him say that.

“I lurve you, too, you big lumpy monster man,” Janie says.

That hurts even more to say.

And then they kiss.

Slowly, gently.

Because with the right person, sometimes kissing feels like healing.

Still, something edges to the front of Janie’s mind. Wonders if it’s worth it—worth going blind, when there’s another option.

Besides, what if Cabel won’t own up to his fears about being with her?

It’s fucking scary, is what it is.

It’s like Cabe’s the one who’s blind.

The kissing slows and Cabel rests his face in crook of Janie’s neck, nibbling her flushed skin. “What are you thinking about?”

“Uh . . . besides you?”

“Clever,” Cabel says, a grin spreading, his moving lips tickling Janie’s neck. He nips at her. “Yes, besides me. If it’s possible for you to think about anything else, that is.”

“Oh,” she says. “If there were anything else, it would probably be how I need to get some cajones and go confront my mother.” Absently, she smooths his hair away from his eyes. “Try and figure out what happened with them, and with me, and what we’re supposed to do now with hermit dude.”

Cabel sits back and nods. And then he hoists himself up with a grunt. Pulls Janie to her feet too. “You want me to come with you?”

“I think it’ll be better if I do it alone. But thanks.”

“I figured. Call me, ’kay?”

Freakishly, Janie’s phone rings as he says it.

“It’s Carrie—I gotta take this.” Janie blows a kiss to Cabel as she ascends the stairs and she answers it. “Carrie!”

“Yo, bitch, my phone’s charged up again. How’s the whole family soap opera going today? You okay?”

“It’s weird, and it’s a mess, but it’s okay. Thank you again for taking care of my mother. You’re the best.”

“No problem. Somebody’s gotta clean up the neighborhood, right?”

“Ouch. Jeez, Carrie!” But Janie chuckles anyway.

“Well, you know where to find me if you need me,” Carrie says. “Hey?”

“Hey what?”

“I’m engaged.”

“What?”

“Stu asked me last night.”

“Oh Em Gee what the Ef barbecue!” Janie says. “And you said yes?”

“Obviously, since I just said I was engaged.”

“Wow, Carrie. Are you . . . are you sure? Are you happy about it?”

“Yeah. I mean yes, totally! I know Stu’s the guy I want to be with.”

“But?”

“But I wasn’t quite expecting it yet.”

Janie, having walked from Cabel’s to her own house, walks to Carrie’s instead. “Are you home?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I come in?”

“Sweet,” Carrie says, sounding relieved. “Yeah, come on in. My room, of course.”

“Okay, bye.” Janie hangs up her phone and lets herself in. She barges into Carrie’s room and flops down on the bed. Carrie sits at a little dressing table, working her hair with a straightening wand in front of the mirror.

“So,” Janie says. “You got a ring or what?”

Carrie grins and holds out her hand. “It feels weird. It’s sort of embarrassing, you know?”

“What did your mom say?”

“She said I better not be pregnant.”

Janie snorts. “What the hell is wrong with our parents, anyway? Wait—you’re not, are you?”

“Of course not! Sheesh, Janers! I may not have gotten the best grades in school, but I’m not stupid. You know I’m on the Pill. And his Jimmy doesn’t get near me without a raincoat, yadamean? Ain’t nothin’ getting through my little fortress!”

“Okay, good. Sheesh.” Janie laughs again. “So . . . but you sounded a little like you’re not sure about this.”

Carrie sets the straightening wand on her dressing table and sighs. “I want to marry Stu. I do. There’s nobody else and he’s not pressuring me or anything. But he talked about setting a date, like next summer so I can get in my year of beauty school first but I’m just . . . I don’t know. It’s such a huge thing. I don’t want to screw it up.”

Janie remains quiet and lets Carrie get it all out. It feels weird to be normal again, sitting and hanging out with Carrie.

Janie wouldn’t mind trading problems with her.

“Anyway, that’s my junk of the day. What are you up to?” Carrie smoothes her straightened hair with some gooey, shiny product.

“I gotta go home, try and figure out what the deal is with my mother and this guy Henry. I don’t have a clue what’s going on. I need to get my mother to talk to me.”

Carrie looks at Janie in the mirror shakes her head. “Good luck with that. Talking to your mom is like talking to that Godot guy.”

Janie laughs. Loves Carrie. Says, “Maybe I’ll just get drunk with her and we’ll fight it out, barroom style.”

“Heh. Call me if you do that. I’d like to watch.”

Janie grins and gives Carrie a quick hug. “Will do.”

As Janie walks home, she thinks maybe that’s not such a bad idea.

SHE SPEAKS

4:01 p.m.

Janie takes a few deep breaths, filling herself with confidence that’s not quite there. But she’ll take what she can get. She grabs a can of beer from the fridge stash and pops it open, taking a bitter sip. She hasn’t had any alcohol since the night at Durbin’s, so this feels a little creepy.