Going Bovine
Page 33“No, I think you covered all the bases.”
“Don’t you want to confess your sins and ask Jesus to forgive you?”
I don’t know why this is the thing that pushes me over the edge. I wish I could rip out every tube and wire and punch Chet King for real this time instead of by accident.
“Shouldn’t Jesus ask my forgiveness? I mean, seeing as he’s taking me out of the game at sixteen without even letting me get laid first.”
Chet shakes his head. “Cameron, I know that anger’s just a front.”
“No, it’s not. I’m actually very pissed off.”
“It’s just a front for all the hurt in your soul. I can see it. So can God.”
The TV is an enticing carnival barker of color and form. I want to scream, If God can see my hurt then why the hell doesn’t he take it away? If God really exists, why would he allow all the terrible, unfair things to happen? I mean, what kind of sadistic creep is he?
“You think I don’t know what it’s like to lie in a bed feeling sorry for yourself, wondering why something terrible is happening to you?” Chet says. “I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to walk. Football was my life, and I’ll never play the game ever again. But it’s okay with me now, Cameron. And you know why it’s okay?”
Those gloved hands of Chet’s ball into fists at his side for a second before going limp. “Because I’ve accepted Jesus Christ into my heart and my life. And I know that what happened to me happened for a reason. God has a bigger plan for me, and I have to trust in that.”
The question’s out of my mouth before I even have a chance to think it. “What if it’s not God’s will, Chet?”
“But it is. I know that.”
“No, Chet, what if it’s just a shitty thing that happened? What if it’s just bad luck, some random thing like a butterfly flapped his wings in South America and you broke your neck? What if there is no divine plan at all and we are totally on our own?” I don’t know what kind of answer I want or if there even is an answer. “You ever think about that, Chet?”
“No. No, I don’t,” he says with assurance. “And I feel sorry for you if that’s how you feel.”
Yeah, I think, closing my eyes to the Chet Kings of the world. I feel sorry for me, too.
DAY SOMETHING
The coughing across the hall has stopped.
Hey, Cameron. Pssst. Wake up.
No. No wakey. Sleep. Tired.
Caaaammerrrronnnn! Come on. We’ve got to talk. We’ve got lots to do, okay?
She’s taking shape in my mind. A small, pixieish face with that wide, full mouth. The hair’s short, spiky. Pink. And yep, those wings are spread out. They’ve been spray-painted with stencils of the Buddha Cow.
Watch this, she says.
She flips a switch on her breastplate, and the Buddha Cows on her wings float up, over and over, like a crazy digital billboard.
Cool, huh?
Who are you? I ask.
How?
She puts her hands to her mouth like she’s going to shout. Instead she whispers. Wake up.
SOMETIME AFTER THAT
Can’t sleep. Every time I start to drift off, I think about the old lady, Mrs. M, and what she said. If she said it. Maybe I dreamed it.
My head hurts. Lungs hurt. Arms. Legs. Everything.
Turn on the TV to pass the time. Same old shit on YA! TV. Some show called “The Inside, Outside, and Backside of Music.” Parker Day’s the host. He’s tricked out in his “serious outfit”: black pants, black turtleneck, black-rimmed glasses, even though the f**ker for sure has perfect eyesight. They’ve even photographed him on some gloomy, windswept heath to give it that tragic oomph.
“Unless you’ve been in a time warp, you know the story of the Copenhagen Interpretation,” Parker says as they go to voice-over. “From an Inuit fishing village to international music stardom, the Copenhagen Interpretation was living the dream as musicians and messengers of world peace. The release of their debut, Small World, launched them into the spotlight. It was quickly followed by their masterpiece, Words for Snow. Many claimed the vibrations produced by their music brought on a feeling of well-being, even euphoria, and their concerts promoted harmony. As lead singer Thule said, ‘What’s so hard about being kind?’ Traveling with their ever-present interpreter”—there’s a still of some guy in a Hawaiian shirt at a microphone—“the CI toured the world, and the world would never be the same again.”