Get off on the Pain

It looks exactly the way it did when I was nineteen: the same shitty round tables that are stained up with white rings, one pool table, lingering cigarette smoke, and two dartboards that barely even work. The music is loud and the lighting is dim, which I don’t mind because I’m not here to be seen or socialize with anyone. That usually leads to me getting in some kind of trouble.

Looking straight ahead of me, I spot an empty stool at the bar and quickly make my way over, taking a seat and waving the bartender over as I reach for my wallet.

“What will it be?” The blonde bartender asks hurriedly from the other side of the bar while slamming down a few beers and grinning at the crowd in front of her.

“A beer and a shot of whiskey,” I call out.

A minute later, a shot of Jack and a Miller Lite gets slammed down in front of me. “Six fifty,” she says in a rush. “And I need your I.D.”

Recognizing the voice, I look up and stare at the side of Ava’s face. It feels like an eternity since I have seen it, and I can’t help but to feel a little bit of happiness seeing that she’s okay. She’s too busy communicating with another customer to notice me, so I pull out a ten and set it next her hand. I have no idea how this is going to go.

“I don’t have an I.D, Ava; not a valid one at least.”

A look of surprise registers on her face as she sucks in a deep breath and her eyes land on mine. “Oh my God.” She throws her hand over her mouth before reaching over the bar to wrap her arm around my neck. She squeezes tightly before speaking. “Memphis! Holy shit!” She pulls away and wipes a tear away from her eye. “You’re back! When did . . . I don’t know what to say. When did you get out?”

I take a deep breath and quickly down the shot of Jack before looking up to meet her familiar hazel eyes. I see the hope in them, but I know that what she is expecting is never going to happen. What we had was in the past and only for fun. There’s no going back now. I’m ready to move on and I was hoping she would be by now as well.

“Ava,” I growl.

“What?” She whispers and starts to move toward me as if baiting me to kiss her, closing the distance between us. It only confirms the look in her eyes is as I thought it was: hope that we will pick up right where we left off.

“I told you to move on when you came to visit me. That hasn’t changed. You and I both know that I’m no good for anyone. Besides, I won’t be sticking around for long.”

She nods her head and forces a small smile, trying to mask her disappointment. “I know. I know.” She wipes at her eyes again and leans over the bar further to touch my face. “I’m sorry. It’s just been so long and I missed you.” I grip her arm and push it away as calmly as I can without making her feel like shit. She shakes her head as if just now waking up. “I have moved on though, Memphis, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t missed you still. Don’t give me shit for that. I can’t help that I care about you.”

I take a swig of my beer while looking her in the eyes. She looks nervous, as if she’s hiding something. She always got that look in her eyes when she was about to tell me something she knew I wouldn’t approve of.

“Fuck, Ava. Come out and say it.”

She looks away for a second while chewing on the inside of her mouth. Someone from across the bar calls her name, but she puts her hand up to silence them.

Swallowing, she looks behind me before mumbling fuck under her breath and gripping the towel draped over her left shoulder.

I feel someone brush against my shoulder, causing me to grip my beer and tense up. “What’s up, baby? Is this asshole bothering you?”

The familiar voice makes my blood boil. Ryder fucking Lane. The last person I ever wanted to see before I can manage to get out of this shithole town.

Flexing my jaw, I tilt back my bottle of beer before cracking my neck. Keep calm. Keep fucking calm.

Ava nervously runs her hand through her hair and pleads with her eyes for me not to do anything stupid. It’s taking everything in me to not turn around and knock him on his fucking ass.

“Well, Ava, are you going to say something or should I ask this asshole myself?”

“Really, Ava?” I question in a flat tone. “Good choice. I thought you had higher standards.”

Ava looks up at Ryder with a worried look, but I keep my eyes straight ahead, knowing that if I see him it’s all over. There will be no holding back. I calmly grab my beer and take another swig.

I hear a deep throated laugh before a shoulder bumps with mine, sending me into the bar. “Well fuck me. It’s been six years already? It felt more like two, but I’m sure you feel differently about that.”

I squeeze the bottle and take another drink of my beer, preparing for what stupid shit is bound to leave his mouth next.

I feel his hot breath next to my ear before he snickers and reaches for the beer that Ava has just set down in front of him. “I figured you would be too much of a pussy to ever show your face around here again. You have a pair of big fucking balls, Carter. I give you that shit.”

Fighting to keep my shit together I nod my head at Ava, letting her know that I need another shot. She gives me an apologetic look before reaching for the Jack and pouring it to the rim.

She slides it in front of me before looking beside me. “Ryder,” she says in a clipped tone. “Don’t do this shit. Please. No fighting here, dammit. I’m already close to losing my job. This is stupid. Get over it. It’s in the past now.”

Reaching for my shot, I slam it back and close my eyes as the burn slowly flows through my body, not doing shit to calm my nerves like I had hoped. I open my eyes to set the empty glass down. When I look over my shoulder I notice the chick from next door walk up, sweaty and out of breath.

She holds up her finger and smiles while fighting to breathe evenly. “Another round, Ava.” Leaning back, she brushes her damp hair out of her face and turns slightly in my direction, her eyes landing on me. She looks a bit surprised and somewhat excited to see me, but hides it quickly. “Make mine a double,” she says, her eyes burning into mine.

I get lost in her deep green stare before my eyes wander down the slick skin of her damp breasts, glistening as her chest quickly rises and falls. She must have been in the group that was dancing when I first came in. Fuck! The last thing I need to be thinking about right now is fucking her out of that little dress and imagining what she would sound like while screaming my name.