Gabriel's Inferno

Gabriel’s voice was cold.

“Good. I think she needs to tell her dad that she wants to stay with us.

If Simon comes to town, he won’t look for her there. And Gabriel, thanks for what you did about the house. Dad is so relieved. I think we all are, Scott included.”

“It was the least I could do. Bye, Rachel.”

“If you hurt her, I’ll kill you. Now go cheer her up and be gentle. Otherwise you’ll never coax her out of her shell. Love you.”

“I — bye.” Gabriel ended the call somewhat uncomfortably and returned to the task of preparing next week’s Dante seminar.

With the impending end of term, Julia’s workload increased expo-nentially. In addition to writing her thesis, she needed to complete essays for her seminars, which were due December fourth. On top of everything, she was working on applications to graduate schools for doctoral programs.

She and Gabriel had a vague conversation late one night about her applications. He knew that she wanted to go to Harvard and that she was focusing a great deal of her attention on that application. What he didn’t know was that the thought of leaving Toronto, of leaving him, was almost unbearable, and so unbeknownst to him, she completed an application to the University of Toronto, as well.

While Julia was spending most of her days and all of her nights working, Gabriel was wading through a sea of grading and writing his second book.

He preferred to spend his evenings with Julia, even if they were both busy, and sometimes he was able to persuade her to work at his apartment. He would occupy his study, and she would spread her papers across the dining room table. But she usually didn’t stay at the table very long. Somehow she would always end up in his red velvet chair in front of the fire, chewing the end of a pencil and scribbling something into a notebook.

After seeing each other rarely, it was with much relief that the couple dragged their luggage from Gabriel’s apartment to a waiting cab on the day they left for Thanksgiving vacation. As they watched the taxi driver place their bags in the trunk, Julia looked up and saw the autumn wind blowing Gabriel’s hair, swirling the strands into his eyes. Without thinking, she reached up and brushed the hair out of his face and pressed her lips to his. She stroked his face tenderly, trying to tell him with her eyes what she was too afraid to say.

Gabriel stared back at her, eyes burning, and grabbed her by the waist.

He pulled her into his chest, deepening the kiss and exploring her lower back through her peacoat. She pulled away first, giggling like a schoolgirl as he surreptitiously patted her backside with a smug grin.

“Still trying to find the right adjective,” he teased, sneaking in a final tap. “Although pert comes to mind.”

“Behave,” she warned, toying with his hair again.

“I need to get this out of my system,” he countered, wiggling his eyebrows at her. “I’m going to have to go cold turkey for three days.”

Arriving at Pearson Airport, Julia was surprised when Gabriel pulled her into the exclusive line for executive and first class passengers at the Air Canada counter.

“What are we doing?” she whispered.

“Checking in,” he whispered back, his lips curling up into a smirk.

“But I only had money for a coach ticket.”

He caressed her cheek with his thumb. “I want you to be comfortable.

Besides, the last time I flew coach I ended up sitting in urine, and it cost me a pair of expensive trousers.”

Julia arched an eyebrow at him.

“I had enough frequent flyer miles for an upgrade, so I bought coach tickets and upgraded them. Technically, you only owe me for the coach fare.

Not that I want your money.”

Julia gazed at him quizzically. “Urine, Gabriel? I didn’t know that Air Canada had a section for the incontinent.”

He waved a hand. “Don’t ask. But it’s not happening to me again. Besides, they’ll at least provide us with drinks and something more substantial than pretzels.” He kissed her softly, and she smiled.

The flight to Philadelphia was largely uneventful. After disengaging the phone utility, Gabriel continued his tutoring sessions on iPhone 101, showing Julia various applications on his phone and asking her if she wanted the same ones. As she perused his programs, she found the iPod function and scrolled through his music files — Mozart, Chopin, Berlioz, Rachmaninoff, Beethoven, Matthew Barber, Sting, Diana Krall, Loreena McKennitt, Coldplay, U2, Miles Davis, Arcade Fire, Nine Inch Nails…

Julia hit a button by mistake and found herself looking at Gabriel’s university e-mail account. She glanced at it quickly as she tried to switch to the photo album application, and was stunned to discover that both Professor Singer and a Paulina Grushcheva had e-mailed him in the past week. She resisted the urge to read his e-mails and closed the application.

Gabriel was peering through his glasses at a journal article, oblivious to what had just occurred.

Why are they e-mailing him?  The answer was obvious, but it didn’t prevent her from asking herself the question. She nibbled on one of her fingernails distractedly.

Gabriel had uploaded several of the black-and-white photos of her, including some she hadn’t seen before. As she scrolled through them, he somehow became aware of what she was doing. Embarrassed, he tried to wrest his phone out of her hand, but she held it fast and began to laugh.

Not wanting to give their fellow passengers a show, he moved closer and threatened in a whisper to kiss her senseless.

She gave him back his phone.

Julia snuggled up at Gabriel’s side while he put his research away and pulled out a hard-covered volume from his briefcase.

“What’s that?” Her soft voice interrupted his thoughts.

He showed her the cover.  The End of the Affair by Graham Greene.

“Is it good?”

“I just started it. He’s considered to be a very good writer. He wrote the script for The Third Man, which is one of my favorite films.”

“The title is depressing.”

“It’s not what you think.” He shifted in his seat. “Well, it is, but it isn’t.

It’s about faith and God and lust…I’ll lend it to you when I’m finished.” He smirked at her and leaned closer so that he could brush his lips against her ear. “Perhaps I’ll read it aloud to you when we’re in bed together.”

Julia’s cheeks pinked up at that remark, but she smiled. “I’d like that.”

He pressed a light kiss to her forehead. She snuggled into his side and relaxed. He found himself peering down at her from time to time over the rims of his glasses.

He found it difficult to put into words how he felt when she was near him. How content he felt whenever she touched him, or when they were enjoying the simple pleasures of music or literature or food and wine. She inspired the strangest emotions and desires, such as wanting to read to her, to chastely share a bed with her, to lavish her with gifts both decadent and plain, to protect her from harm, and to ensure that she smiled daily.

Perhaps this is happiness, he thought. Perhaps this is almost what Richard and Grace had.  The thought intrigued him.

You love her.

Gabriel started suddenly. Where had that voice come from? Had someone said it aloud?  He looked around quickly, but the other first class passengers were either napping or otherwise engaged. No one was paying any attention to the nervous professor or the beauty who dozed next to him.

It’s too soon. It’s just not possible. I can’t love her.  Gabriel shook his head at the voice, wherever it came from, and returned to his book more than a little disquieted.

After arriving in Philadelphia, Gabriel pulled his rented Jeep Grand Cherokee out of the airport’s parking garage.

“Which hotel did you choose?” Julia asked, staring out of the window into the darkness.

“The Four Seasons. Do you know it?”

“I know where it is, but I’ve never stayed there.”

“It’s very nice. You’ll like it.”

What Gabriel failed to mention was that he had booked a suite that had a panoramic view of Logan Circle. He also neglected to tell Julia that their room had a beautiful marble bathroom with an exquisite bathtub.

Julia noticed the bathtub before she noticed the view. Not to mention the complimentary fruit basket the manager always provided for his most important guests.

“Gabriel,” she breathed. “It’s beautiful. I’d love to take a bubble bath but…”

He smiled at her and gently took her elbow, leading her inside the bathroom.

“You will have complete privacy, and your companion will behave like a gentleman.” He paused and a wicked gleam came into his eyes. “Unless you need me to wash your back. In which case, you’ll have to blindfold me first.”

Julia grinned. “We could use one of your bow ties,” she whispered.

Gabriel’s mouth dropped open. Then she started laughing, and he realized that she was only teasing him. Minx.

As he watched her remove her purple robe and slippers from her suitcase, he quickly realized that there was no way he was going to be able to sit in the living room of the suite while Julianne took a bubble bath. It was a bit too King David for him. So he mumbled an excuse about finding a newspaper and went to the lobby. He decided against sitting at the bar, populated as it was by various hungry-looking women, and instead enjoyed a glass of wine and a sandwich while sitting in an arm chair in a quiet corner.

He picked up a copy of The Philadelphia Inquirer and spent the next hour dodging the aforementioned women, trying valiantly not to dwell on the beautiful body of the Bathsheba bathing upstairs.

By the time he returned, the scent of vanilla filled the room, and Julia was curled up like a cat on the bed. Her chest rose and fell in a gentle rhythm, her long dark hair spread out across the sage green duvet. She was still wearing her purple robe and her kitten heeled slippers.

Gabriel watched her sleep for a moment and felt a wave of emotion wash over him. As he tried to sort out his feelings, it occurred to him that the development of their relationship was not being held back solely by the university. It was being held back by him, by his secrets.

And also by hers.

He’d determined that he would not make love to her until he revealed everything. Although it pained him to think of it, he knew that it would be best if he waited until she did the same. That meant that Julianne would have to feel comfortable and safe enough to finally tell him what happened with Simon. Otherwise, he would only ever know part of her and not the whole. And they needed to know all of each other.

It was important to him that they not break the letter of the non-fraternization policy, even though they were breaking it in spirit. On top of that, although he’d fantasized about moving their physical relationship forward, the nature of Simon’s threats had put an end to those fantasies.

He knew based upon her receptivity that she would be willing to participate in manual or oral contact before the end of the semester. It would certainly stave off his cravings and satisfy some of his desires, temporarily.

But after hearing that Simon might have videotaped a particularly intimate encounter, there was no possibility of Gabriel persuading her to perform that act. He was determined to treat her gently and respectfully, and not speed things along for his own gratification. Although he would not have used this word, Gabriel craved intimacy along with sexual contact, and because of what he surmised had happened in Julia’s past, he was unwilling to allow anything other than sexual intercourse to be their first connection.