From Ashes

“Ty—” I had to clear my throat before continuing. “You’re going to need to be patient with me. Other than kissing Gage at the ranch”—Tyler’s eyes narrowed again—“I’ve never done anything. I don’t want to do anything yet, I just . . . I just need time if that’s okay.”

“That’s more than okay, Cassi, take as long as you need.”

“And I think I should move into the other bedroom.”

“What?” He backed up farther, his eyebrows shooting up. “Cassi, why?”

“Because it will be awkward to sleep together now.”

“Cass,” he said, rolling onto his side and propping his head up on his hand, “you’ve slept in my bed for years; that shouldn’t change now.”

I thought about all the times when Ty would wrap his arms tighter around me, making his hard-on more apparent, and we weren’t even in any kind of relationship when that happened. If we were, I could only imagine how much more often that would happen and I already felt disgusted just thinking about it. I really didn’t want anything related to that with Tyler . . . not after I’d spent a year fantasizing about Gage’s naked body against mine. “I’m sorry, Ty, but if we’re going to try to be in a relationship, I can’t start one in bed with you.”

Tyler exhaled slowly. “Okay, if that’s what you need, Cass.” He leaned down to press featherlight kisses to my jaw. “So we’re going to do this? You’re gonna be my girl?”

“Yeah, Ty,” I said softly, “I will.”

He grinned wider than I’d ever seen and kissed me softly. “Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too. It might not be the way you want yet, but I’ll get there. I just . . . as long as I’ve known you, I’ve only thought of you as a friend. I never considered anything else with you until about five minutes ago, so I’m sorry if this takes longer than you’d like.”

“Don’t be sorry, I know it’ll take time.” His nose skimmed across my collarbone, and my eyelids actually fluttered shut. “I’ve wanted this for so long, I’m just happy you’re finally giving us a chance.” He hopped off the bed and pulled his shirt back on. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Go where?”

“Well, if you’re leaving my bed, I’m not about to let you sleep on a bare mattress in a bare room. Let’s go get whatever you want.”

“Really, Ty?” I smiled at him; this was my Tyler. “You’re not gonna be mad at me?”

Pulling me off the bed, he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my nose. “I couldn’t be mad at you if I tried.”

“DO YOU LIKE it?” Tyler asked hours later.

We’d made a trip to a few stores, and for the first time since I was six, I had a room and bathroom that were completely and utterly me. From the curtains and bedding to the lamps, throw rugs, and towels, all of it was warm, designed to be an escape, and would be perfect for curling up in and getting lost in books. “I love it.”

“I’m not going to lie, I’m gonna hate not sharing a room with you, but you did good. This screams Cassi.”

“I was just thinking that.” I sighed into his arms and let my head fall back to his chest. Now that we were dating . . . I guess . . . it was weird going from being so comfortable with Ty to having all our touches mean something. With the exception of actually kissing, every little thing we’d always done made it look like Tyler and I were already together. I hadn’t noticed it until tonight, and when I did, I couldn’t help but think about Gage and what he must have thought while we lived together. If he had ever wanted me, I was now understanding why it took him so long to act on it. I sucked in a quick breath and bit on the inside of my cheeks at the realization that Ty and I could have been a reason that nothing ever happened with Gage.

Tyler slowly rubbed my arms and kissed my neck. “I’m sorry you’re still hurting. I know I’m not him, but I’ll try to make it better.”

Of course Tyler knew what I was thinking without my telling him. I turned in his arms and let my hands glide through his hair. “You do. You always do, Ty. I don’t know how you haven’t noticed that you’re the one person in my life who it would kill me to lose. You’ve made my entire life better, you’ve always taken care of me and put me before yourself.” Now it’s my turn. I brought his face down to mine and kissed him slow and hard.

GAGE

I DIDN’T KNOW what was easier, living with them and stomaching her walking out of his room every morning, or not living with them and not seeing them together. But of course, with the latter, I hadn’t seen her at all. It was the first of November . . . meaning I hadn’t seen her in three months. Three slow, torturous months. I still saw Tyler every Saturday morning, but for some reason he’d stopped mentioning her and stopped throwing their awkward relationship in my face every five seconds about a month and a half ago. It killed me not knowing how she was, and I hated missing her birthday, but I didn’t know how I would handle seeing her.

Last Saturday, Ty had asked me to start coming back to dinners, at least when all the guys came over, and I was seriously considering it so I could get my Cassidy fix, but there was something I had to do first. I had to see her without Tyler around, and since I had no idea what his schedule was like this semester, I was now driving up to Starbucks and hoping she would still be there.