Flutter

“You don’t think there are?” I asked. “Look at you!”

“It’s not enough,” Milo said. “I mean, I’m a monster! I should be locked up and kept away from people forever!”

“You’re not a monster, love.” Mae ran her fingers through his hair. “You’re just young, and you have some things to figure out. That’s all.”

“The fact that you’re beating yourself up so much about this proves you’re not a monster,” Jack said. Milo looked at him, sniffling, and I thought Jack might have gotten through to him.

“Have you ever done anything like that?” Milo asked him, sounding hopeful. If Jack had behaved somewhat like this, then it would make it okay that Milo had done this.

“Well… no,” Jack replied hesitantly.

“And you haven’t even bit anyone, so you have no idea what I’m going through,” Milo said to me, making me feel like an idiot and a loser.

I really hated that he had more experience in all of this than I did. I wanted to be able to advise him and comfort him through this, but like everything else in life, he knew more about it than I did. I was completely useless to him as an older sister.

“I have,” Mae said reluctantly. Milo and Jack looked at her with surprise, and she gave Jack a weird look out of the corner of her eye. “It was a long time ago, but I remember it very clearly. I know how terrible it feels, knowing that you almost took a life. But I also know that it’s something you can get past.”

“So what happened?” Milo asked. The tears were drying under his eyes, and at least Mae had been able to distract him from his misery. “Was it with Ezra?”

“No, he was a human, but he didn’t die, and that’s what matters.” Mae forced a smile, but there was something pained about it.

“How come I’ve never heard about this before?” Jack looked confused. They had been very close, and Mae loved sharing things. “Was it before I turned?”

“Yes, it was.” Mae shifted in the bed and tucked a curl back behind her ears.

She sat up more and refused to look at Jack. Right now, he only felt bewildered and intrigued, but I got the impression that there was something that she wasn’t telling us, and it made me nervous.

“Did he need a blood transfusion too?” Milo asked

“No, but it doesn’t matter how he survived. The point is that it doesn’t make you a monster for drinking too much.” Mae purposely turned more towards Milo, so her back was more to Jack. “It’s easy to forget how fragile humans can be, and that’s why it’s important to always be careful.”

“Well, how bad was he?” Milo started to doubt her story since she couldn’t provide any details, but I knew she told the truth. She just left something out. “Did he lose a lot of blood?”

“Yes, he was almost dead.” She closed her eyes and rubbed at her forehead. “His heart had completely stopped beating.”

“So what did you do?” Milo sat up straighter, and Jack looked very interested in her story.

“We were… gone, and Ezra wasn’t there.” Mae sighed and shook her head. “It was a long time ago. I don’t know why all of this matters so much to you.”

“I just don’t understand what happened. If he was that bad, how did he live? Did you take him to a hospital or something?” Milo asked.

“No, there wasn’t enough time.” Mae opened her eyes, but she stared intently at the bedspread instead of looking at any of us. “It’s so easy to lose control, and that’s why I only drink bag blood anymore. I never want to feel that way again.”

“Mae, what happened?” I demanded as gently as I could. A sick feeling was building up in my stomach.

“We…” Mae exhaled shakily. “Peter turned him.”

- 23 -

Mae closed her eyes tightly, and for a second, nobody said anything. It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Milo’s brown eyes were even larger than normal, and he looked back and forth between Mae and Jack.

Jack didn’t seem to feel anything. Then this shocked, nauseated panic spread out over him. His heart hammered in his chest.

“What are you talking about?” Jack demanded, his voice quavering.

“Jack, love.” Mae reached out for his hand, but he leapt up off the bed before she could touch him. Tears formed in her eyes. “It was a long time ago.”

“No,” Jack shook his head, refusing to believe or understand what she said. “I followed two girls into the club, and then…” He ran a hand through his hair and stared off, trying to think. He’d never really remembered much about turning. “You told me that you found me in the alley, that they left me for dead.”

“Nobody left you for dead, love.” She got up off the bed and took a step towards him, and he took a step back.

“What really happened to me?” Jack shouted. She flinched at the anger in his voice.

“You were at the club, and…” She trailed off. “You know how these things happen.”

“No, I want you to tell me exactly what happened,” Jack glared at her. “I deserve to know what you really did to me!”

“You were at the club, and I was hungry. I picked up people there a few times before, and I didn’t think anything of it. So I took you to one of the back rooms,” Mae said hurriedly, and Jack closed his eyes. “I didn’t mean to, Jack! Honestly! I never meant to hurt you! I didn’t even realize what I had done until it was too late! You weren’t breathing and your heart had stopped!”