Flutter

The reason everything had gotten so complicated with Jack and Peter was because of how fluid the bond is. Jack, Peter, and Ezra, and now Milo and I, were held together by a similar blood bond.

Milo and I were especially bonded because we were siblings in real life as well as in vampires. That meant I should have a great affinity for whoever he was bonded with. It would be impossible for me to hate who he was meant for, and yet, I had instantly disliked Bobby.

I understood transference in all of this. I had broken my bond with Peter, and I knew that love could be stronger than blood. But that probably wasn’t the case with Bobby. He was just a nice guy that Milo would be into for awhile, but not forever.

I suddenly felt sorry for Bobby, because, Milo would break his heart. Not the other way around.

“And you don’t have to worry about us,” Bobby was saying, drawing me from my thoughts. He tired of trying to straighten out his hair and flipped up the hood of his sweater. I hadn’t really been listening to him, so I just stared, hoping he would elaborate. “I mean, Milo, I guess. He’s not like that guy Jane was with, and I’m not like her, either. That’s not our thing.”

“No, I get that,” I nodded. Maybe at first the idea had crossed my mind, but I didn’t think so anymore.

“I understand the appeal of her lifestyle. It’s something that you can fall into pretty easily.” Bobby twisted the drawstring to his hood around and looked at the ground.

I had a feeling that despite all his protests, it was a lifestyle that Bobby had come precariously close to getting into, and when things ended with Milo, there was an even greater chance that that’s how he would end up. Thanks to Milo, he’d be even more hooked on the feel of being bitten.

“So, you know what it’s like, probably better than anyone in the house.” I leaned across the island, looking at him more intently. “You get where Jane is coming from. If the situation were reversed, if you were a bloodwhore, what could somebody say to get you to stop?”

“That’s a good question.” He exhaled and stared off, thinking. “I don’t know really. As long as it still feels good, it’s a pretty hard thing to convince somebody to stop. I think it has to start hurting her, and then you have to keep reminding her how much it hurts.”

“How does it hurt her?” I asked. “I know that it’s killing her, but she’s unaware of that. Like, any time she feels like crap, she just gets bit, and then feels better, right?”

“Not exactly,” Bobby shook his head. “Immediately after, you feel really good. But shortly after that is when you feel the worst. The loss of blood really damages your body, and you start to feel what it’s going through. And you have the residuals of the vampire you’re with, and if she is picking up random guys at the club, they’re probably dicks. Meaning she’s left with none of the euphoria but all of their emotions and how they feel about you, which is usually pretty shitty.

“It’s after that, after the bad feelings fade and you get your strength back, that’s when you go back to the club,” he went on. “You forget how bad they made you feel, how incredibly weak you were, and for some reason, all you can remember is the pleasure of the bite.”

“Huh.” I eyed him up, and he noticed, so he shrugged sheepishly. “Not that your information hasn’t been helpful, but I’m starting to think you picked up a lot more vampires than you let on.”

“It’s different with Milo,” Bobby insisted with a wounded look in his eyes. “Honest. You don’t have to believe me, but it’s more than biting and fooling around. So… Please don’t tell him, okay? He knows that he’s not the first vampire I was with, but he doesn’t know how many were before him. I don’t want him to think that’s what this is about, because it’s not.”

“I won’t tell him unless I think it’s relevant. So just don’t make it relevant,” I said, staring at him evenly. He nodded, realizing that was about the most he could get from me.

“This is a pretty awesome place,” Bobby said, changing the subject. He moved onto making coffee, and the coffee maker looked brand new. Mae had probably bought it especially for him, so he must not be all bad if she approved of him. “And Mae is amazing. How is she doing today?”

“I haven’t seen her.” I looked over my shoulder toward her room, and I tried to listen for the sound of her over the coffee pot gurgling, but I couldn’t hear anything. “Have you?”

“No, but if Ezra left, I didn’t think it would be that bad,” Bobby said.

The kitchen smelled completely of coffee, and I felt an odd pang of knowing I couldn’t have any. I had never really liked coffee, but I loved the smell of it. My stomach gave me a sharp pain, reminding me that I didn’t want any of that anyway.

Bobby suddenly seemed to smell stronger, and I pushed it back. This was just my body’s attempts to convince me I was hungry, but I shouldn’t be yet, and even if I was, I had to learn to get control of my hunger instead of letting it control me.

“You okay?” Bobby asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” I shook my head to clear it. “I think I’m just gonna get a shower. But, um, it was nice talking to you, and I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, alright,” Bobby said, but he still looked worried.

When I went upstairs, Matilda followed me again. She assumed that every time I went anywhere, Jack would be waiting. Maybe I spent too much time with him.