Flutter

When Mae could speak clearly, she explained that Daisy, her great-granddaughter, had been looking under the weather the last few months, but it wasn’t until tonight that she was able to overhear them talking and found out exactly what was going on.

Ezra was convinced that rest was the best solution to her current state, and he looked rather drained himself. He helped Mae back down to their room, looking apologetically back at me as he did. He cared about her very much, but he was still upset she had any contact with them. Nothing good came from keeping humans in your life.

I thought of Jane at the club, and Bobby upstairs with my brother, and shook my head. Eventually, everyone would die, except for us, and I could never tell if that was comforting or terrifying.

Jack was outside, wrestling in the fallen leaves and frost with Matilda. The moon was fat, but thin clouds hazed over it. I stepped out the French doors, relishing the chill in the air. Breathing in deeply, I tried to let the freshness from the outdoors cleanse everything else. All of Mae’s tears, and all the horrible images of Jane in the darkened rooms of V.

Jack grinned when he saw me and got up from a pile of leaves he and the dog had been demolishing. Matilda had twigs and leaves imbedded in her fur, and she loped around the lawn carrying a big stick in her mouth. He ran a hand through his hair, freeing a few leaves himself and walked over to me.

“How are you holding up?” he asked.

“Great.” I was exaggerating, but I did feel a lot better being outside.

“You sure?” He looked at me seriously, and I picked at some of the foliage that clung to his tee shirt. His bare arms were dirty and cold from the ground, but I doubted he noticed.

“Yeah. Mae is the one having the rough night, not me,” I said.

“How is she?” He looked past me at the house, worrying about her.

“I really don’t know,” I admitted. “Ezra took her back to their room to get some rest, but…” I trailed off and shrugged. It was hard to say how she would hold up.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t help Jane more.” He returned his concern to me.

“Me too, but you’re right. She has to want to help herself, and she’ll probably never want to,” I sighed and rubbed at my arms, even though they weren’t really cold.

“You’ve had a really long night. You should probably get some rest, too.”

“That is true.” It was early for me to go to bed, but I hadn’t felt completely rested since before I went to Finland. I yawned and thought longingly about curling up in bed.

“Do you want any company?” Jack asked, wagging his eyebrows.

“You know I do,” I chewed my lip. I always wanted Jack in bed with me, especially after we had started earlier, but my heart wasn’t really in it just then. “But we probably shouldn’t. I’m probably not in control enough to handle what you would do to me.”

“That is true,” he smiled a little sadly. “You go in and go ahead to bed. I might come up in a bit to grab some clothes, but I gotta get the dog cleaned up before I can take a shower and crash on the couch.”

“I feel so bad about kicking you out of your own bed,” I said for the millionth time since I had moved into his room.

“Hey, I’m nothing if not a gentlemen, and I couldn’t sleep knowing you weren’t absolutely comfortable.” He leaned down and kissed me. His lips were cool from the night, but the kiss was brief, stopping too soon. Still, my skin felt warm and flushed when he straightened up. “Go on and get to bed. I’ll see you later.”

Reluctantly, I turned to walk back into the house. Matilda chased after me, planning to sneak into the house, but Jack stopped her. Her big white paws were covered in cold mud from running around by the lake, and her fur was full of debris from rolling around. I don’t know what his plan was for getting her clean before they went into the house, but I left him to it.

I watched them for a minute before heading up to his room. Matilda leapt happily over piles of leaves, and Jack charged after her, laughing and egging her on. He was dirty and his clothes were getting ruined, but he didn’t notice at all because he was having too much fun with his dog.

It was weird how things like that could make me love him so much. My heart swelled at the sight of him, and I turned to go upstairs before I changed my mind about inviting him to go with me.

In the middle of a horrible dream about crocodiles chasing kittens, Jack came in and gave me a kiss. I stirred a little in bed and invited him to join me, but he declined for reasons that remain a mystery. I’m sure he told me, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth, I was asleep again, but thankfully, I managed to save all the kittens from the crocodiles.

When I did wake up for good, I realized that one of the things that Jack had said to me had been goodbye. Not “good night,” not “see you in the morning,” but “goodbye,” which had way too much finality in it for my taste.

I raced downstairs to find the den, a.k.a. Jack’s current sleeping quarters, deserted, with all his blankets folded up neatly, and he never folded up blankets or made his bed. I thought about checking in with Mae, but I didn’t want to disturb her.

That left me hurrying back upstairs to check with Peter on the off-chance he knew something, and  Matilda trailed after me, another sure sign that Jack was gone. Peter was gone, too, but I wasn’t even sure if he’d come home yesterday.

In truth, I’d known Jack was gone the second I opened my eyes. I could always feel when he wasn’t around me, like the thread between us got pulled painfully thin. I couldn’t tell exactly where he was at or anything; I just knew that it wasn’t close by.