Finding You

“Grams, did you dig often in your garden for no reason?” Alex asked with a chuckle.

“Oh yes, Alexandra. There were times I was in my garden in the middle of the night. Something about being with the dirt cleared my head. Allowed me to focus on the things that were right in front of me that I couldn’t see.”

Grams words slammed into my head as my heart felt like someone was gripping it and squeezing as hard as they could.

Dig faster, Grace. Deeper.

Noah. Oh God. Noah’s been taking pills to deal with his mother’s death and he’s been doing it right in front of me.

I’ve been allowing it to happen.

Dropping the shovel, I dug with my hands. I promised her. I promised Lisa I would be his strength.

I failed her.

I failed Noah.

Using both of my hands, I frantically began digging out more dirt as Alex called out my name.

“Grace?”

Anger built up in my body as I realized how stupid and naïve I had allowed myself to me. Using my left hand to hold up my body, I rested it on the ground as I used my right hand to dig harder.

“Stupid!” I cried out as I worked harder.

“Grace! Stop!” Alex called out to me.

“I can’t believe I was so blind!”

Alex placed her hand on my shoulder and gave me a pull. “Grace Johnson! What are you doing?”

Jumping up, I spun around and faced Alex. “The one thing I promised Lisa and Noah I would do . . . I didn’t do.”

Alex gave me a confused look. “What in the hell are you talking about?”

Looking past Alex, I caught Gram’s stare. Her blue eyes pierced mine. “How did you know?”

Smiling, she slowly shook her head. “As we grow older, we see things. We learn things. Some of it is from experience, some from just listening to our gut feelings.”

Alex reached out and took my hand. “Grace, please tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s Noah. He’s been using drugs to deal with his mother’s death. He’s been doing it right in front of me and I’ve put blinders on.”

Alex’s mouth dropped open. “Grace, are you sure?”

The sound of a horse walking up caused me to turn. My father and Noah were walking back toward the barn.

Swallowing hard, I stood up taller and nodded my head. “I’m positive. If y’all will excuse me, I need to find Gray and Meg.”

I wasn’t sure how this was all going to work or how Noah would handle it. But I knew I had four people I could count on to help me get Noah through this.

Sitting in the formal dining room, I sat next to Noah, who sat across from Brad, Meagan and Taylor’s father. Brad had gone through a rough patch earlier on in his marriage to Amanda. I knew he had been in rehab and had worked for many years with outreach programs. He also volunteered a lot at the rehab clinic he had been in.

“What do I need to do?” Noah asked.

Brad slowly took in a deep breath and just as slow, blew it out. “Noah, I don’t think you’ve become dangerously addicted to the pills. But you are very dependent on them. You have two options. Check into a rehab clinic or go cold turkey and suffer through the withdrawals. In the rehab clinic, they will slowly bring you down. That’s probably how you should go with the Ativan.”

I quickly glanced at my mother and father as I moved about in my seat, before turning back to Brad. “How bad will they be? The withdrawals?”

Shaking his head, Brad said, “I don’t know. It really depends on how long and how much Noah has been taking. I will tell you this though. The fact that Noah was the one to recognize the problem is the biggest hurdle. It’s the first step and most people need an intervention just to get started.”

I took Noah’s hand in mine. After I had set out to find Meagan and Grayson, Noah and my father had found Brad. My father had told Noah about Brad’s addictions and how he spent time fighting them.

Noah asked me, Grayson, and my parents to sit and talk to Brad with him. Meagan joined us at my request.

“The only thing in this life that matters to me is sitting right here next to me. I swore I would never do anything to hurt her or her future.” Noah turned and looked into my eyes. “You have beautiful dreams, Grace. Dreams I want to be a part of. I’ll do anything to be a part of them. I’ll do anything,” Noah whispered.

“You and me. Together forever,” I said as I placed my hand on the side of his face.

Noah gave me a breathtaking smile that slowly faded. “Um . . . I want to do this at home. I need to do it at home. It’s where my demons started, I need to win my battle against them there.”