Finding Us

“I love you Jasmine. You crashed into my life and left my head spinning. I was in a bad place for years until you came along. I was looking for revenge, an outlet for my anger, but then you came along and ripped that all to shreds.”

“You weren’t what I was expecting either, Knox. You know I fought to stay away from you until I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

After a few minutes my body relaxes into his and all the fight leaves me. I’m home, Knox is my home. Yes we have a shit load of stuff to work out, but right now in this second I don’t want to think about any of it.

Knox stares into my eyes with passion and love, “I love you Jasmine.” He whispers.

He leans his forehead against mine and kisses me a few times. Knox and I make love on his couch until both of us are so spent that we can’t even move. We fall asleep in each other’s arms until dawn when Knox wakes and moves us to his king size bed. We curl under the covers together.

Knox lies on his back and I have my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat. “When my parents were killed in the car accident they had my pregnant girlfriend in the car with them.” Knox’s voice is groggy with sleep. “Five years ago your mother killed my parents and girlfriend.”

All the air whooshes out of me, yes I know all of this already but hearing it from him just makes me hurt for him.

My voice is shaky, “She’s not my mother,” I laugh bitterly. “Marie is.”

After a few minutes my body relaxes into his and all the fight leaves me. I’m home, Knox is my home.

His breath catches, “You know?” Knox asks.

I nod my head, “Yeah, I talked to Marie yesterday. She told me everything, Knox.” The tears start up again.

“I’ve known about all of that for a long time Jasmine.” Knox moves me and sits up against the headboard. “Let me start from the beginning. Vivian crashed into the car that was being driven by my dad. He, my mom and Savanna were driving to South Carolina so that I could propose to her.”

“She was everything to me, my best friend and my other half. Vivian took it all away from me that night. My parents were traveling down the highway and saw a driver ahead of them swerving. They called 911 to report the driver. Savanna was texting me for a while, telling me what was going on. After about a half hour there was still no sign of the cops and my dad was getting impatient. She said that my dad was just going to speed past them and hope that whoever was driving didn’t cause a serious accident.”

“That was the last that I heard from her that night. I was about eight hours away Jas, eight. Her texts stopped coming shortly after she told me that my dad was passing the drunk driver. When she didn’t answer my text I called her. No answer. I called both of my parents. No one answered. Rex was at a graduation party and wasn’t answering his phone either. He was pretty close to them according to where Savanna told me they were. After an hour of getting nowhere I jumped in my car and headed home. I was in no condition to drive but I had to find them.”

“My pregnant girlfriend who is with my parents could possibly be hurt and I had no way of knowing. I was freaking the f**k out, thinking the worst but praying at the same time for the best. I was about half way home when I got the phone call from her dad. He refused to tell me anything except that he asked that I make it back as soon as possible. A bone chilling feeling sunk in after we hung up. He didn’t need to tell me but I knew it wasn’t good. She was either injured severely, she lost our baby or I lost the both of them.”

I’m bawling like a baby and my body is shaking.

“Savanna was twenty weeks pregnant. We had an ultrasound appointment set up to find out the sex of the baby at the end of the week. We talked for hours about whether or not we wanted to know what we were having.” Knox’s eyes glaze over. “I secretly wanted a boy but I never told her that because she wanted a girl.”

“Hours later I finally pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, it was the middle of the night. I said a prayer before getting out and facing all that shit. When the doors slid open I saw Rex first. He was sitting in a chair with his head hung. He must have sensed me because he looked up; his eyes were red and swollen. I looked around and didn’t see anyone else so I walked over to Rex. He stood and hugged me and said what I already knew. My parents didn’t make it. Rex broke down in my arms. There I stood in the middle of the waiting area while he sobbed. I refused to break down, I was now the adult. I had to be strong for Rex. When he collected himself I asked him about Savanna and the baby.”

“Rex had the look on his face, the look I prayed so hard not to show but it did anyway. He told me that he would take me to them. A nurse buzzed us through double doors and the overwhelming smell of sanitation hit me and I instantly wanted to throw up. We walked past a few closed curtains and then I heard sniffling and Savanna’s dad’s voice. I clenched and unclenched my fist a few times, trying to get myself in check. Nothing could have ever prepared me for what I saw.”

I have my hand covering my mouth, this is like a horror story no one should ever have to live through.

“Her face was unrecognizable. There were so many tubes and wires connected to her. When I stepped into the room, her father stood and placed a shaky hand on my shoulder. Her mom walked out of the room and into Rex’s arms for support.”

“Savanna’s dad asked me to sit down. I took his vacated seat right alongside Savanna. I reached for her hand and placed my other hand on our baby. The baby had just started moving a few weeks ago and anytime that I put my hand on her stomach the baby would move or kick, that time I felt nothing. I waited and willed our precious baby to move. Just a little flick, nudge, something, but I got nothing.”

As I continue to cry Knox pulls me back into his arms. I should be the one comforting him not the other way around. Hearing this from his point of view is so heartbreaking. I can’t even imagine the pain he must have gone through.

Knox entwines our fingers together, “I looked over to Savanna’s dad and asked what was going on with them. He gets choked up. I know it’s not good, not at all. Savanna’s mom breaks down in the hallway and keeps saying ‘no’ over and over again when he delivers the blow that she’s brain dead. My world stopped. My heart stopped. I stopped breathing. He explained that they kept her alive until I got there so that I could say goodbye. Her dad turns to leave without another word, giving me time to say my goodbyes.”