Finding Us

“Knox…” I hiss between clenched teeth. My head falls back with a thump against the wall.

He sucks on those bundles of nerves until I feel like I’m going to come apart but he doesn’t let up, his tongue pierces into my opening. “Ah…fuck!” I cry out as my h*ps buck.

Knox’s fingers dig into my ass as he holds me closer to his face. He licks from front to back and then back again and then sucks my cl*t into his hot mouth and I come completely undone. My back arches, my h*ps push against his mouth and I scream his name as my release tears from me. All I can see is white stars.

I’m dizzy, breathless, and utterly lifeless.

Knox just rocked my f**king world.

Jasmine is absolutely f**king perfect. Her body responded to everything I gave it with no hesitation. This girl just gave herself to me.

There is no way I can go through with the plan now that I’ve had a taste of her. It’s impossible. I can’t even believe that she’s a Jennings. She is the complete opposite of what I had her pegged for. She’s caring, passionate, feisty and independent. Jasmine isn’t the pompous bitch I thought she was.

14

Monday morning, Fourth of July, arrives way to fast. Knox and I lie in his bed, a tangled mess of limbs. We’ve been awake for a little while but both of us are too content to get up and start the day, our last day here. Knox is rubbing circles on my bare shoulder. My head is resting on his chest, listening to the beat of his heart.

If you would have asked me before we left if I ever thought anything would happen between Knox and me, I would have laughed in your face. I was avoiding getting anywhere near Knox and now as I lie here I wonder why that was. Yeah, he was chasing me, probably some sick twisted game of his, but our time together here has changed all that. I no longer feel the need to keep him at a distance. I don’t feel like he’s going to try and control me. Knox puts me first, cares about me. I can spread my wings and learn how to fly on my own even with him by my side.

Knox, when his guard is down, is sexy, caring, sweet and down to Earth. I like this Knox a lot but the second that door opens to the rest of the world he goes back to the Knox everyone knows, the smug, guarded and head strong, complicated man. I know he has a story; it must be deep because no one talks about it. The closest I got was Rhea and Cade telling me it was Knox’s story to tell and that was it.

I want to let Knox into my heart the way I’ve let Summer, and even Rex, but I’m not sure I can until he lets me in. Even if Knox and I only wind up being friends after this, there has to be a level of trust built between us. So for now, I’ll keep a wall up around my heart until he’s ready to help tear it down.

Knox’s groggy voice brings me back to Earth, “What are you thinking?”

I lift my head from his chest. I run a finger around his nipple which causes him to shiver, “You, us.”

Knox puts his free hand behind his head and stares intently into my eyes, my stomach churns with anxiety and fear that I may suddenly be reading him completely wrong.

I’m becoming more and more uncomfortable with the minutes that tick past. Finally Knox breaks the silence, “And what were you thinking?”

Biting my lip, I look away, “That I wish you would let me in.”

Knox is quiet again. Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut but where would that get us? Whatever is going on between us needs to be addressed. It may not be easy for either of us but one of us needs to crack and I’m hoping it’s him.

“Okay.”

My head jerks back in his direction, “What?” I say, clearly surprised by his answer.

“Okay. I’ll let you in. It’s not going to be easy for me but I’ll give you what I can for now. It’s all I have to offer.” He looks so haunted but he’s giving me a little something and I’ll take what I can get.

I lie my head back down on his chest and wait for him to start. Minutes tick by and he still doesn’t say anything. When his voice finally starts its thick and distant. “Rex and I had the best parents any kids could ever dream of.” I notice he says ‘had’ right away. “They were always running Rex and me here and there for sports. Mom and Dad would sit down every night after dinner and help us with our homework. If we struggled with something they would help us work it out.” Knox is silent for a few more minutes before continuing. “Dad was always busy. He owned the business but he always managed his time right for us, to make sure he was always part of our lives. When Dad had to go away on a trip and it was just us with Mom she always made those nights fun. We’d take all the blankets and pillows in the whole house and put them in the living room and she would help Rex and I make forts to sleep in. She’d take us to the movies and let us eat junk food for dinner. She was always doing something to keep our minds occupied when Dad was away.

“Sometimes Mom had to leave to go away for business too, Mom worked with Dad. She managed the layout, design and interior of the different projects that were up and coming. Mom just had that eye for that kind of stuff and it worked out well for them. When Mom would be out of town Dad stepped up and did his best to fill both set of shoes. He’d let us stay up late and watch scary movies even though Mom always yelled at him for it.” Knox chuckles at the memory. “He would take us to baseball games, or take us to the batting cages to burn off some energy. It was always my parents taking care of the two of us, my grandparents on both sides passed away early on and both of my parents were only children. When Rex and I were a little older, I think I was around fourteen and Rex was around ten, my parents bought this house.” I imagined a teenaged Knox with light brown hair and sun kissed skin running around the house with sandy swim trunks and his mom chasing behind him, laughing and carrying on. “We spent every summer here, away from all the chaos and everyday life from back home. Things in New York, as you know, never stop; here everything is slow paced.”

Knox shifts so he’s facing me. He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “We met Cade and Jeremy our first summer here and they kind of stuck around ever since. Mom and Dad didn’t seem to mind, in fact a few summers Rhea and Tanner came to stay with us too. Mom and Dad were friends with their parents from high school. We used to get into some shit and Mom and Dad were always there to bail us out. So we spent all of our summers here up until a few years ago. This house holds so many memories it was hard being here for a while.” Knox’s voice breaks.