Finding Us

The spectacle in front of me draws in Rex and Tanner’s attention. Come Baby Come by K7 starts and now we have our own old school rap concert. Summer flops down in Knox’s vacated spot and Rhea takes Jeremy’s which is on the other side of me. Knox and Rex start off, followed by Jeremy, and last up is Cade and Tanner.

The girls and I are pointing and laughing our asses off as they dance and move around us. At this point Summer can barely sit on the log because she’s swaying so much; clearly the alcohol is still running through her system and the tears pouring from her eyes aren’t helping either.

Rhea leans in my direction and says just loud enough for me and Summer to hear, “You wanna show these boys up?”

I look in Summer’s direction and she’s got biggest goofy smile on her face. She reaches over to Shelly and snatches the phone out of her hand. She is about to say something when Rhea pins her with a glare.

The three of us huddle together and go through Cade’s songs. As soon as Rhea sees the song she wants she points to it. It’s the one. I wink and Summer claps her hand and sways backwards on the log. She’s such a lush.

Rhea stands as the song ends then walks over to Tanner and runs her hand up his chest and walks around him, looking him up and down as Whatta Man by Salt-N-Pepa bellows from Cade’s phone.

All the guys start hooting and hollering. Summer, Rhea and I start out with the chorus as the guys take their seats around the fire. Rhea starts shaking her ass right in Tanner’s face and sings about no one being perfect and about the future. Then Rhea straddles Tanner’s lap and starts grinding into him slowly while running her hands through her hair. She throws her head back and belts out, “I think I wanna have yo baby.”

Tanner’s eyes are fixed and heated while Rhea is still riding him and I’m sure he didn’t hear the part about the baby until Cade screams, “You can have my baby!” Tanner’s head whips around and scowls in Cade’s direction. Jeremy and Knox are leaning into each other, laughing.

Summer shimmies over to Rex who has his feet outstretched in front of him and his hands braced on the log next to him. Summer stands over Rex’s legs so her back is to us and shoves Rex’s face is her boobs. All the guys start groaning and turn their head, except Cade of course. She croons about him keeping her on cloud nine when she sits on his lap and runs her hands from his face down between their bodies. Rex’s face is about fifty shades of red.

Summer and Rhea suddenly stand where they are and start with the chorus while I look over to Knox and shrug.

“You next?”

I look down to my hands, suddenly feeling nervous. “You want me to be?”

He looks my body up and down, “Hell yeah.”

I smile and stand up. Rhea and Summer finish up the chorus and I look around avoiding all eyes on me. I walk around so that I’m behind Knox. I place both hands on his shoulders and bend so that my lips are near his ear. I sing, just loud enough for everyone to hear, that he gives me real loving. In reality I’m praying he will. I bite Knox’s ear lobe lightly and then whisper in his ear that he knocks me out with one shot and he gives me goose bumps with every touch. I stand up straight and reach down his chest as far as I can go while singing about never being disrespectful because his mom taught him that, but unexpectedly something in Knox switches and his whole body becomes tense, throwing me through a loop. Summer and Rhea pick up the chorus to finish up the song.

“Knox?” I murmur in his ear. “What’s wrong?”

He doesn’t answer; just gives me a slight shake of his head.

Rex is watching the whole thing uncover but doesn’t interfere. I’m at a complete loss with what happened and I start to panic. Feeling completely out of my element I decide to call it a night. I quickly grab my shoes which are next to Knox’s feet and make my way back up to the house without saying a word to anyone. About halfway to the house I look back over my shoulder and see Rex and Knox in each other’s face.

Just as my foot hits the first step I hear Knox call my name. “Jasmine, wait up.”

Knox shoves his hands in his slacks and I wait for him to explain what happened back there. “You’re going to bed?”

“Yeah, I think it’s about that time.” I stand there for another minute giving Knox another chance to explain but he looks back over to the group. I take the stairs two at a time, trying to get as far away from Knox as possible. When I realize he hasn’t followed me it makes my heart skink a little. I get to the steps that lead up to the second floor when I hear the sliding glass door bang shut. I run up the stairs not wanting to be caught. I sense that Knox is battling something internally and he isn’t sure which side he wants to claim victory.

Just as I close the bedroom door Knox opens it again.

“You don’t need to come to bed too. I’m good here.” I manage to say while the tears are at bay.

Knox ignores me as he goes into the bathroom and slams the door. I walk over to my suitcase and pull out a pair of short black shorts and a white tank top. I take a seat on the bed, waiting for Knox to emerge from the bathroom so that I can get changed and sleep the rest of this night away.

Fifteen minutes have gone by and he’s still locked in there. The water hasn’t ran, the toilet hasn’t flushed, no sounds at all can be heard.

Sighing, I climb off the bed and knock gently on the door. “Knox?”

Silence.

I give it another few moments and try again.

“Knox?”

This time there is a groan.

“Knox, open the door please.” I don’t have a clue as to what I will find but a huge part of me needs a way to fix him. While waiting for him to open the door my mind replays our little singing skit. The only thing I can come up with is the mention of his mom.

I hear the click of the door unlocking. A few seconds go by and then he opens the door slowly. I wait for him to make the first move.

A hand reaches out and roughly pulls me to his rock hard chest. I can’t exactly pin point where my relationship changed with Knox, but it has. He wraps his arms around my body and I’m cocooned in his embrace.

I feel safe, warm, protected.

Knox kisses the side of my head and whispers, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” As I say the words his body goes taut but just for a second.

He takes a deep breath and then lets it out. “You have nothing to be sorry for Jas, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

I squeeze Knox a little tighter. “I do.” I confess. “I should have remembered.”