Finding Faith

By the time I could leave, it was already dark out. Once I typed her address into my GPS, I was on my way. As I drove, I slowly made my way into the rough parts of town. It wasn’t anything new for me to be in the ghetto, but Faith had no business living in a place like that. If anything, I felt more comfortable in the rough parts. I was raised in the places like that. Faith, not so much.

I pulled up to a broken-down apartment building. Broken blinds hung in windows and dead plants littered the concrete stairs and paths to the apartment doors. Little kids ran around outside in diapers while their moms sat on cell phones and yelled at them from across the yard. It was way past any kids’ bedtime. It was crazy to see them running around outside in the dark.

The pool in the center of the courtyard was green with fast food trash and beer cans floating in the center. And the smell was a mix of raw sewage and unwashed ass. The place was a real shithole, and I was angry that Faith was living in such a place. She deserved so much more than this, and if I could, I was going to give her more—so much more.

When I found her apartment number, I tapped on the front door and waited. I heard someone fumbling with the blinds and then nothing. After a minute, I tapped again. It was then that the front door opened. Faith was standing there more beautiful than she’d ever been. Her long hair was wet from her shower and she had on the cutest pink-and-blue pajamas.

She was everything I ever wanted in my life, and I was there to make her mine, but something about her was off. She seemed nervous about something and that made me nervous.

When her son came out in a big blue dinosaur mask, I could hardly believe my eyes. Everything made sense in that moment. The crazy job, the no longer living with her father, everything. My heart broke in that moment as well when I realized that everything I wanted to do with Faith she’d already done with another man.

I wanted her to have my son. I wanted to buy a house together and do the whole domesticated thing. I wanted that more than anything, and my chance was gone. I was never going to get what I wanted, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to take it.

My entire life shifted when I saw her son without his mask. The boy looked familiar, like I’d seen him so many times in my dreams, but I was positive this was the first time I’d seen the child. He reached over and grabbed Faith’s hand and hid behind her hip. He stared up at me shyly before disappearing behind her completely.

I looked back up at Faith. Her face was covered in shock; her eyes wide as if I’d just caught her doing something wrong. She reached over and sheltered the boy by her side. Again, he peeked around at me and then his eyes caught mine. Baby blue irises stared back at me. Familiar eyes—eyes I’d seen every day for my entire life… my eyes.

“Finn, meet your son,” Faith said with tears in her eyes.

She sounded a million miles away, as if she were speaking through another universe. My mind fumbled over her words as I tried to figure out what she was saying. Nothing was registering. My eyes were glued to the boy who was staring back at me.

He had on thermal pajamas. His caramel-colored hair was a mess, as if he’d been running his fingers through it. He was tiny, so tiny that I could lift him with one hand and hold him in one arm. He was a stranger to me, but he was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life.

My mind was buzzing and I felt dizzy. I couldn’t remember ever feeling so dizzy. I was staring at the woman I loved and my son, and while I knew I should’ve been angry beyond words that I hadn’t been there from the start, I couldn’t help but feel so much happiness that my heart burned, about to burst.

“My son?” I squeaked.

I reached out and grabbed the doorframe to keep myself from falling. A piece of jagged wood cut into my palm, but I felt nothing but the love that was filling my heart at a rapid pace.

My son stared up at me and then looked at Faith like he didn’t understand what was happening. I longed to pick him up and hold him close to me. I wanted nothing more than to squeeze him and never let him go.

“Yes. I didn’t want you to find out this way, but there’s no going back now. I’m sorry, Finn. I hope you can forgive me.”

I looked at her different now. She wasn’t just the girl I loved anymore; she was the mother of my child. Mother, a sainted creature who’d breathed life into the world, who’d breathed life into my son.

I closed my eyes and imagined what she must’ve looked like during her pregnancy. I envisioned her with a white flowing dress, her stomach protruding and full of life. Her hair catching the wind as she softly caressed her stomach and spoke sweetly to my baby within.