Finding Faith

“Bye, Faith. Beware of Daddy’s belt when you get home.” I chuckled to myself.

It was fucked up, but so was her walking out on me like I was nothing. If she could treat me that way, then I could treat her the same way.

Again, she paused with her back to me. I waited anxiously for her to turn on me and give me a reason to verbally cut her, but again, she walked away. The front door shut quietly behind her. She didn’t even have the backbone to slam the fucking door in anger. What I’d ever seen in such a weak woman I didn’t know.

That weekend we threw a big-ass party and instead of getting pissed at the fuckers who trashed our place, I smiled to myself, knowing that if Faith had enough balls to come back to clean, she’d have her hands full.

I drank so much that Tiny had to help me to my room. I knew in the back of my mind that I was trying to drown the old hurtful memories that kept popping up. I’d never admit that to anyone else, but the only thing that seemed to make those thoughts and feelings that I loathed so much go away was liquor and drugs.

“Leave it. Let the maid get it,” I said to Zeke’s girlfriend, Patience, the following Monday when I walked into the kitchen.

She was stacking the dishwasher and collecting the trash. I didn’t mind her being at our place. I actually enjoyed her company. It was nice having a girl around that I could be friends with.

“It’s not a problem.” She smiled over at me. “There’s some Tylenol in the cabinet there for that hangover I’m sure you have.”

I reached out and stopped her from cleaning. “Patience, get your cute little butt back in that bedroom with Zeke and spend some time with him. I got this.”

After I’d gotten rid of Patience, I downed another beer to bite the dog and swallowed enough Tylenol to knock out my headache.

I stood in the shower for an extra long time, letting the hot water clear my brain. Once I got out and got dressed, everyone was ready to head out and do some fun stuff for the day. Zeke and Patience were obviously going to do their own thing, so Tiny and Chet tried to talk me into getting into some trouble with them.

“Nah, I think I’m going to hang out around here today. I feel like shit.”

It was a lie. Really, I wanted to stay just in case Faith came back. I didn’t want to miss the chance to talk shit while she cleaned up after me and my boys.

Once the place was empty, I chilled on the couch and watched TV. I couldn’t believe my luck when I heard the front door open and then close. When I turned around, Faith was standing there looking back at me. She said nothing as she set her purse on the kitchen counter and went to work. I was already thinking of everything I wanted to say to her. When I was done with her, she’d never come back in my home again.

Twenty-One

Faith

His words cut me deep. So deep, in fact, that I cried the entire drive back to my apartment. I cursed myself for letting him lure more tears from me. I’d sworn I’d never cry over Finn again, yet I had, but the things he said to me were so cold, so hurtful.

As soon as I got home, I called the grocery store and tried to get my old job back, but the position had already been filled. I took Jimmy with me to the temp agency to pick up my check.

“Mrs. Cooper, is there any chance you might have another position for me?” I asked.

Her brows pulled down in confusion.

“But I thought you were enjoying it. Is it because the owners came home? Did something happen?” she asked.

Something had definitely happened, but I couldn’t tell her, especially in front of Jimmy.

“No, nothing like that. I was just asking.”

“Unfortunately, Faith, with your lack of education, it’d be hard to find you something else, but I’ll keep an eye out.”

I wanted to cry when I left her office. I was stuck. If Finn didn’t fire me, I’d have to work for him. I’d have to see him over and over again, and that made me feel sick. Not to mention, I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. What if he found out about Jimmy? I could not under any circumstances let that happen. He’d take him, and then I’d really die inside.

I took Jimmy to the toy store and bought him his dinosaur. On the way back to the apartment, I kept looking at him in the rearview mirror. He loved his new toy and it was nice to give him something and make him smile. It made me sad that I couldn’t do that whenever I wanted. He was a great kid and deserved so much more, but I could give him all the love in the world. Hopefully, that would be enough.

The fact of the matter was I’d continue to look for something else and hopefully Mrs. Cooper would continue to search, but until then, and as long as Finn didn’t fire me, I was stuck cleaning up after him. I didn’t like it, but I’d swallow my pride if it meant taking care of my son.