Finding Faith

I wrote letter after letter to Finn. I told him everything in those letters and left him phone numbers where he could reach me, but I never heard anything back from him. I drove myself crazy trying to figure out why he wasn’t responding to me or at least calling me. Every time I tried to call his house number, I would get the disconnected signal, and the cell he shared with his mom always went straight to voicemail. I must’ve left at least fifty messages, until finally I called and that number, too, was not in service.

When I’d had about all I could take, I told my parents I wanted to go back home—back to Finn. My mother was stressed out of her mind and my father refused to hear anything I had to say. Every time I’d try to run away, they’d find me, and I never got very far. The whole needing a plane ticket thing made it difficult, too.

Finally, one day I got a letter in the mail from Finn. Except when I opened it, it wasn’t the response I was hoping for.

Faith,

I don’t care why you left. You leaving was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. I can’t believe I got mixed up with a girl like you. Please quit sending me letters. I no longer care what you have to say. There wasn’t any other point to this letter. I just wanted you to know I’m over you and I hope you have a nice life in California.

Finn

The air was sucked out of my lungs, and I had to sit down. The room spun around me.

“But you said you loved me,” I whispered to myself as I clutched the letter to my chest.

The words were there and he had signed it, but it couldn’t be right. Finn loved me; he wanted me. He never would’ve treated me that way. The only thing that I could think was that it was a lie. My father had to be a liar.

“This is a lie!” I cried as I held up the letter.

My father didn’t even respond. Instead, he knocked me into my seat with a backhand.

I sat on that letter for three days as I contemplated my next move. Love made you do crazy things, and so I became a liar and a thief. I waited until my parents were asleep and then snuck into their room. I brazenly stole my dad’s debit card and ordered a plane ticket on my older-than-dirt computer that I’d always hated. Turns out it was handy to have around after all.

When I tucked his debit card back into his wallet, I took all his cash and his keys. When I got back to my room, I quickly packed everything I could into a duffle bag and left before they had a chance to wake up and stop me.

I spent the next two hours getting lost all over California, trying to find the airport. I’d never been so happy to see an airport in all my life when the sign finally came into view. I’d almost missed my flight so things moved quickly once I got there. Thankfully, I was on a plane back to the East Coast before the sun even broke through the clouds.

I looked at my watch and smiled to myself at the exact moment that I knew my parents were figuring out that I was gone and that I’d taken their car. They couldn’t come after me as quickly as they’d like since their car was parked in the airport garage.

When I landed, I got a cab and gave the driver Finn’s address. I needed to see him. I needed him to hold me and tell me that everything would be okay. I missed him so much it hurt.

The driver kept looking at me through the rearview mirror, which was kind of creepy. I was relieved when I saw Finn’s house come into view.

“Thanks,” I said to the driver as I paid him.

He pulled away as I stood on the sidewalk, clutching my duffle bag. It was nearly two in the afternoon already in South Carolina, and already there were cars everywhere in Finn’s yard. It bothered me a little that he was inside partying while I’d been in California, dying without him.

Music played loudly from the garage as usual as I made my way to the door. I nervously smoothed out my skirt and shirt before I stepped inside. I was so excited and scared at the same time. What if the letter had really been from Finn? What if he never wanted to see my face again? I’d be stuck with no one to turn to and nowhere to go. I didn’t want to have to run back to my dad, and I didn’t even know if he’d let me come back again after the stuff I’d pulled.

I held my breath and stepped through the doors into the smoke-filled space. The smells that stung my nose were awful—a mixture of sweat and alcohol made my stomach turn. My eyes took in the crowded room as the smoke burned them. And then I saw him across the room and everything around me disappeared. I smiled to myself as I walked closer to where he sat. The smile slowly disappeared from my face once he was in full view.

He was leaning back against the couch with his eyes closed. He wasn’t smiling. Actually, he looked like he was in pain, but the memories of our night together reminded me that sometimes when Finn looked like he was in pain, he was in ecstasy. Jenny, his ex-girlfriend, straddled his lap and worked her body back and forth. Her long hair bobbed with her movements.