Fighting to Be Free

I stepped out of the shadows and waved her over, wanting a little distance from the house in case her parents heard us talking or something, their bedroom was at the front of the house, unlike Ellie’s. She shivered but immediately stepped onto path, closing the door silently behind her.

She trotted over to me, crunching on the gravel, wincing as she walked on the stones with bare feet.

I shrugged out of my hoodie quickly, smiling sadly as she stopped in front of me, looking at me worriedly. “What happened?” she asked, smiling gratefully as I slipped the hoodie around her shoulders.

“I’m in some trouble,” I admitted.

Her eyes tightened, even in the dim glow of the streetlight I saw the worry that etched across her face. “What kind of trouble?” she asked.

I raised one hand and stroked the side of her face, memorising the feel of her soft skin under my fingertips, savouring the feel of it in case this was the last time I got to touch her. “There are some things about me that you don’t know,” I whispered, hating how her expression turned a little wary.

Her eyes flicked back to the house as she shifted on her feet nervously. I immediately wondered if she was contemplating making a run for the house, she could probably tell this was going to be bad - I’m guessing I had ‘grim’ written all over my face right now.

“Come inside, it’s cold out here,” she suggested, pulling the hoodie tighter around her body. She turned to walk away, so I grabbed her hand, making her stop. I couldn’t go inside - once she found out the truth about me, she might not want to be near me or something. That and the fact that when she started screaming at me that I was a worthless liar, it might wake her parents up and they’d probably call the cops for her - I knew Ruth would for sure.

“It’s better if we do this outside, Ellie. You’re not going to like what I tell you.” Even I could hear the hopelessness in my voice.

She flinched, her hand tightening on mine. “Did you cheat on me? Is that where this conversation is going?” she asked, her voice wavering as she spoke.

I laughed humourlessly. Clearly she had no idea how crazy I was about her. “No, Ellie. Never,” I assured her.

She closed her eyes, shaking her head, looking more than a little relived. She was probably going to wish that I had cheated on her when I told her what this was really about, that I’d been lying to her for the last three months that I’d known her for. “Just tell me, Jamie, you’re scaring me,” she requested.

Oh God. “I just stole a car and now the cops are probably looking for me. I need an alibi that puts me somewhere else when it all went down.” I whispered, looking at my feet, not wanting to see her expression when she realised what a low-life I was.

“You…. You stole a car?” she croaked.

I nodded. “Twenty-five of them actually,” I added nonchalantly.

“Jamie, what the f**k?”

I looked up at her then and saw the expression that I’d never wanted to see on her face.

Disappointment, shock, confusion and horror - all of those emotions were clear as day across her face. “I’m not the person that you think I am.”

“Not the…. I don’t…. It’s….. What?” she stuttered.

“Please don’t freak out, Ellie,” I begged already knowing that it was too late to ask that of her. The panic had already started; I could see it building like a storm on her face.

She ran both her hands over her hair, smoothing it down unconsciously as the wind continued to whip it in all directions. Her mouth was hanging agape, she shook her head looking like she was struggling with her thoughts. “Don’t freak out? Of course I’m going to freak out for goodness sake; you’ve just told me that you stole twenty-five cars and that the police are looking for you. A normal person’s reaction is to freak the hell out!” she cried.

I winced as her voice echoed in the nothingness of the night. I stepped closer to her quickly covering her mouth with my hand. “Shh, please, shh,” I pleaded, looking around for any signs of movement down her expensive looking street.

Her hand covered mine as she looked at me with wide eyes, taking deep breaths through her nose. I begged her with my eyes to calm down and not start shouting at me in the dead of the night on her empty street. When her rant seemed to have died down and some of the tension had left her shoulders, I removed my hand and stepped back to give her some personal space, she probably needed it after my revelations.

“Who are you?” she asked, shaking her head, her eyes filling with tears.

I smiled weakly, knowing that there was probably no chance of her wanting to be with me after this.

“I’m the same guy that you’ve been hanging around with for the last three months. I’m still the same guy that holds you when you sleep and kisses you goodnight. I’m still the same guy that values you above everything else. It’s just….. my past, it came back to haunt me. I didn’t have a choice, Ellie,” I replied trying to explain everything. My knees feet a little weak so I slumped down and sat on the little wall that runs the length of their driveway.

“Your past?” she whispered.

I nodded and closed my eyes. “Yeah. When I was twelve I started working for a guy, doing small jobs for money, illegal jobs. Things got heavier, I started stealing cars to order,” I explained.

She whimpered and sat down on the wall next to me, her shoulders slumped as she played with her hands, seeming to look anywhere but me.