Fighting to Be Free

She sighed and shook her head. “No, you were talking about him again.”

I gulped and frowned as my stomach twisted in a knot. “Oh.”

She sighed and reached across the table, taking my hand in hers and squeezing supportively. “It’ll get easier, I promise,” she assured me. “Besides, the guy was obviously a moron for letting you go in the first place so it’s his loss. I don’t swing that way, but if I did I’d date you,” she said, grinning wickedly.

I laughed because this was just what she was like; she always knew how to lighten the mood. “I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment, or be slightly worried about sleeping in the bed with you tonight,” I replied, fighting the tears that were pooling in my eyes, forcing myself to stop thinking about him again.

She grinned wickedly. “I’ll try my hardest not to jump you, cross my heart,” she vowed, crossing her heart with one finger.

I smiled and tuned out as she started to ramble about what we should do today on our last day. My mind flicked to Jamie. I really did wish I could hate the guy but instead I found myself pining for him and wishing he was sitting beside me right now talking about how Venice was supposed to smell and how it was going to make him sick - instead of Natasha saying the same things.

I looked down at the little bracelet on my arm, the one he’d given me for my birthday. He’d told me that he planned on buying me more beads and filling it up eventually. I fingered my favourite bead on there, the one with the letter J on it which I’d seen in a store not long before everything went belly-up and my life fell to pieces. Jamie had laughed when I told him that I wanted a symbol for him on there, but he’d bought it for me anyway as a gift the following day. I knew I should take it off and throw it into the river dramatically in some sort of metaphorical gesture that I was moving on and was over him, but every time I thought about removing the bracelet from my wrist, it made my heart ache even more. Maybe one day I’d be able to take it off and let go. Maybe Tasha was right, maybe one day I’d stop thinking about what I’d lost and I’d see the beauty in everything again. I sighed and looked up at the blue sky just praying that day would come quickly.

THE END