Fighting to Be Free

After twenty minutes my heart sank when they appealed over the loudspeaker for people on our flight to go to the check in desks. Realisation suddenly washed over me, it was like someone dumped a bucket of cold water in my face. He wasn’t coming. I’d built my hopes up, planned my life with him, I’d sat here totally expecting him to turn up…. and he wasn’t going to. I was a fool, a complete heartbroken fool.

I put my head in my hands, bent forward and sobbed like I had never sobbed before. It was over, just like he said. I was alone. I’d blown it, my one chance with the adorable, beautiful boy and I’d completely blown it because I hadn’t trusted him. I deserved this, I deserved to be alone.

Everything else seemed to fade away as I cried and cried. No one offered me support - or if they did I didn’t hear them through the sound of my grief that was crashing in my ears. I gripped my hands in my hair welcoming the sharp pain in my scalp so that I could try and focus. I needed my mom, I’d never had that thought before in my life, but I needed her now.

I sniffed loudly, swiping roughly at my face, drying my tears. I gulped as people around me looked at me with a mixture of sympathy and nervousness. I guess my sudden outpouring of tears scared them or something; I couldn’t bring myself to care. His words on the phone earlier were replaying over and over in my head, “I don’t love you enough to give up my life for you.” Why had I let myself hope that he would come? Why had I pretended to everyone this morning and carried this pain around on my own? Why had I fallen so in love with him that it felt like my world was crashing down around me right now? It was like I’d fallen into darkness, a dark ugly place that I didn’t want to be in but had no way of escaping. It felt like a weight pushed down on my chest making it hard to draw breath as the devastation and hurt just kept building and building the more I thought about it.

Home. I needed to go home. Just as I gripped the handles of the cart, ready to stand and go hail a cab so I could cry to my mom, a hand touched my shoulder.

“Ellie?”

I whimpered and closed my eyes as the smile tugged at the corner of my mouth because he’d turned up after all. Relief washed over me making me sag in my seat and my skin to prickle as my heart fluttered erratically. I took a deep breath and turned in my seat, the stress and tension leaving my body because him being here obviously meant that I got another shot. A second chance, and there was no way I was wasting it. Jamie and I were meant to be together, and I’d prove that to him. I silently vowed to never doubt him again.

Epilogue

The sun was streaming through the windows as I slowly started to drift into consciousness. I squeezed my eyes shut at the brightness of it, moaning as I rolled over and buried my face into the pillows. I felt sweaty and sticky all over because of the humidity in the room last night. Even though I was only wearing panties and a tank top, I was still uncomfortably hot. Luckily I’d been drunk when I fell into bed last night; otherwise I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t have been able to get to sleep because the air con in the room was broken. The balcony doors were open where I was trying to let out some of the stuffiness and let in some of the fresh morning air, but nothing really helped. This place was a dive and not somewhere where I pictured staying more than a couple of nights. We were only staying here one more night before moving on to Venice tomorrow.

I huffed out a big breath and pushed myself up, already hearing the sounds of the shower running which explained the empty bed and the lack of soft snoring in my ear. My mouth felt a little fuzzy because of the alcohol I’d ingested last night - damn these Italian bars and their happy hour shots!

My head wasn’t hurting though which I was seriously grateful for. When my feet touched the cool tiles of the floor and closed my eyes and sighed before grabbing the bottle of water from the side and forcing myself to get out of the bed and start the day.

My gaze settled on the open doors and the little balcony with the white plastic chairs that were set out there. Needing fresh air I stalked out there taking in lungful’s of it, trying to stave off the hangover that was fighting to take over. Closing my eyes I basked in the sun’s rays as instantly started warming my skin. Even though the hotel we booked was cheap and nasty, I really liked this city so it wasn’t my idea to leave yet, but I guess I had to go with it and move on to somewhere else. Maybe I’d get to come back here one day. I opened my eyes and leant on the metal rails, squinting and looking over Florence as it started to wake up and get a little busier.

I smiled as I watched a boat row up the river and a lady hung out her washing on the line, shouting at her kids in Italian. Florence was much nicer than Rome in my opinion; it was calmer, more chilled and not as busy. Suddenly the smell of coffee wafted over from one of the quaint little cafés that were hidden in the back streets. My mouth was instantly watering at the thought of tall latte with extra foam. The water that I’d already chugged wasn’t really relieving my thirst, so I decided I’d just nip out and get one. I headed back into the room, still hearing sounds of the shower as I threw on a pair of denim shorts and a pink fitted t-shirt. I scribbled a note that I was down in the square and left it on the bedside unit as I grabbed my purse and left the room on a coffee hunt.

The last three weeks of travelling had made me a little grungy. I didn’t think twice about the fact that I hadn’t showered or brushed my teeth yet; I’d just do it later on when I went back to the room.

No one would know anyway so why should I care? If my mom could see me now, she’d probably have a heart attack. I pulled my hair back into a messy bun, securing it with the band that I had wrapped around my wrist next to the bracelet that Jamie had given me for my birthday.