Fairest

“Why do you stand so far away, Sir Hayle?”

“I can protect you well enough from here, Your Highness.”

“Can you? And what if an assassin were to fire a shot into my heart from one of those windows? Would you manage to get to me in time?”

“It is not an assassin I fear you need protection from.”

She reached for the chain around her neck. “Then what do I need protection from?” She took a hesitant step toward him.

“Yourself,” he said firmly. Then he stepped back and said, with much less conviction, “Or me, if you come any closer.”

She paused. There was something different about him tonight, a strange reaction to her glamour. She wasn’t sure if this was what she’d hoped for or not. Since the day he’d come to her chambers they had shared a hundred stolen moments. A brush of skin outside the dining hall. A possessive hand on her waist as she disappeared into her bedchambers for the night. A hasty, desperate kiss in the servants’ halls before the changing of the guard.

But Levana was not so naïve as to pretend that every moment hadn’t required mental pressure from her. Reshaping his thoughts to match her own, forcing her own desire upon him, reminding him again and again that he loved her. He loved her.

And six times—six times—he had broken the guard’s code of conduct, the rule that he was not to speak unless one of his superiors bid him, to tell her that this had to stop. He had told her that he was confused and heartbroken and he couldn’t imagine what had come over him and he hadn’t meant to take advantage of her and he didn’t blame her at all but they had to stop, they had to stop … until he was kissing her again.

So far, tonight, Levana had not had to manipulate his emotions. So far, it was only her glamour that had cajoled him.

“What do you mean, I need protection from you?”

“Your Highness.” The fear faded away. Now he looked only tired. “Why are you torturing me like this?”

She drew back. “Torturing you?”

“Every time I’m away from you—when I’m off duty, taking care of my baby girl, my thoughts are solid. I know myself. I know my heart. I know that my wife is dead, but she gave me a beautiful gift before she left, and I’m thankful for that.” He gulped. “I know that I am loyal to the crown, and I will serve faithfully as long as I can. And I know that I care for you, as … as a guard must care for his princess. And as a friend, I suppose.”

“You are my—”

“But when you’re near,” he continued, and the interruption shocked Levana more than anything else that night. A guard never interrupted a member of the aristocracy, and certainly never a member of the royal family. “… my thoughts get all messed up again. You look like Solstice, and I get confused. My heart pounds so fast around you, but not in a happy way or a loving way. It’s as though my body belongs to someone else and I can’t keep my hands off you, even though I know how wrong it is. Stars above, I could be executed for this!”

“No! No, I would never let that happen to you.”

“But you’re the one doing this to me.”

She froze.

“Aren’t you?” he whispered. “This is all a manipulation. A trick played on the poor, weak-minded guard.”

Levana shook her head and scrambled closer to him, pulling his hands into hers. “I don’t think of you like that at all.”

“Then why are you doing this?”

“Because I love you! And you love me, but you’re too honorable to—”

“I don’t love you!” he screamed, and the words struck her like a thousand shards of ice. “Or at least … I don’t think I do. But you’ve got my mind so turned around I can hardly tell what’s real anymore.”

She attempted a gentle smile. “Don’t you see? That’s what love is supposed to feel like. All these conflicting emotions and bouts of passion that you can hardly control, and this constant twisting feeling in your stomach like you can’t decide if you want to run away from that person … or if you want to run away with them.”

His face was tense, like he was trying to hash out his words before he yelled again.

“You’re wrong, Princess. I don’t know what you’re describing, but it isn’t love.”

Tears pricked at her eyes. “When you said that I needed protection from you, I didn’t think that you intended to break my heart. When I have given … when I would do anything for you, Evret.”

Pulling away from her, he curled his fingers into his thick coils of hair. “That isn’t my intention, Princess. I don’t think you understand what you’re doing, how wrong it is. But this can’t continue. In the end, you’ll grow tired of this charade, and I will be punished for taking advantage of you. Don’t you see that?”

“I told you, I won’t let that happen.”

He dropped his hands. “And you think the queen will listen to you?”

“She’ll have to. She herself has had countless affairs with royal guards.”

“She is not sixteen years old!”

Levana wrapped her arms around herself like a shield. “You think I’m just a naïve child.”

“Yes. Naïve and confused and lonely.”

She forced herself to hold his gaze. “And what about beautiful?”

He flinched and looked away.