Fade

Her skin is tingling as she wanders around, checking out the students on the couches who are in various stages of pre-sex. Janie watches them curiously. And then she thinks maybe she’s in somebody’s dream. She stumbles around the great room, knowing that if she really is in somebody else’s dream, no one else can see her. Stacey and Mr.

Wang are gone. Too bad, because Janie wanted to watch them dance some more.

Twelve something in the morning. Janie’s eyes linger on the clock, not quite comprehending the position of the hands.

There’s a sudden ruckus in the room, and Janie rouses herself, trying to remember where she is and why she is there. She stands up from the floor, wondering how she got there in the first place. Mr. Durbin is standing by the door, handing Coach Crater a drink. Crater drinks it down in one shot, and Janie is impressed. He’s cute, too, she thinks.

And she is still so thirsty. She wanders to the kitchen, looks in the refrigerator, and sees her dessert. “Hey,” she says, her tongue feeling strangely thick. “I should set that out.” She reaches for it, misses on the first try, but gets it on the next one—after serious concentration. And someone is touching her bum.

She stands up and sets the dessert on the counter, so she doesn’t drop it. “Whoa,” she says, laughing.

“Mm,” says Mr. Durbin. “Here, I brought you something to drink. You look thirsty.” He’s slurring his words too, thinks Janie. It must be his dream. Janie remembers that she should be glad to be in Mr. Durbin’s dream, but she can’t remember why.

She smiles gratefully. “Thank you so much,” she gushes, and holds up the cup, feeling like there might be something she’s supposed to know about it, but her thirst overwhelms her. “Is everything tipping just a little bit in here?” she asks, laughing like it’s the funniest thing she’s thought of all day, and then puts the cup to her lips. The punch slides down her throat, cooling it. “I thought all the punch was gone. Mm, oh god. That’s so yummy,” she says.

And then Mr. Durbin’s pushing her back against the counter and kissing her, and she’s feeling his hot tongue on hers. She starts kissing him back, because that’s what feels right. The fuzziness in her brain grows.

“I gotta go…,” she says suddenly, pulling away.

“No, you don’t have to go.”

“I mean, to the bathroom,” she says seriously.

“There’s one in my bedroom,” he says, his eyes hungry.

“Oh, cool. Do you still have that porn magazine in there?” Janie hesitates too late, wondering if she was supposed to say that, but she can’t remember why she shouldn’t.

“Lots of them,” he says. “Not that I need them with you here.”

“Huh.” She follows him through the dazed and half-naked crowd. He stops to grab another glass of punch, and gives her another one too. On the way to Mr. Durbin’s bedroom, Janie waves at Coach Crater.

“Hey,” she says, turning back to Mr. Durbin. “Wasn’t Stacey here?

Before?”

“She’s still here, Janie.” His words are deliberate, like he’s concentrating. “She’s fucking Chris in the other bedroom, so we can fuck in here.” His words sound like slow-motion, matter of fact, and Janie is certain she’s in his dream now.

He shows her to the bathroom, and she decides maybe she should close the door, even though she doesn’t feel like it. It’s so much work. But that’s weird, because if it’s Mr. Durbin’s dream, why would she be in a room where she can’t see him?

She sits down on the toilet, her head heavy. Something seems wrong, but she doesn’t know what it is. She sits there for a long time, in a half-dream. She almost falls asleep, she’s feeling so warm and mellow. And in her mind, she’s whirling through memories that pop in and out of her brain.

She hears a knocking sound, far away.

“Just go home, Carrie,” she mumbles.

She can’t seem to open her eyes.

She leans to the right, and there’s a cool, comfortable wall to rest her cheek on.

There is another knocking sound. But this one turns into a car’s-engine knock, and Stacey’s driving. There’s going to be a man coming any second from the backseat, Janie remembers, and then he’s there, gripping Stacey around the neck. His hands are sexy, she thinks.

“Come on, Janie, don’t be shy,” she hears from far away, and Janie rouses herself.

“What?” she says.

“Come on out, sweetheart. We’re all waiting for you.” It must be Cabel. He sleeps a lot. And then she remembers she’s sitting on the toilet, and she chuckles silently to herself and finishes up.

She drinks a long drink from the bathroom tap. She’s so thirsty. She wants milk. Milk always makes her feel stronger. She turns to leave, but the door is gone. It’s just a wall now.

She scratches her head.

Looks around.

Laughs.

It’s on the other wall.

Stumbling, Janie bumps against the door, trying to push it, and finally tries pulling it. It opens, and Mr. Durbin is on the bed. There are three girls from class with him, and he’s taking their clothes off as they lie there.

Janie finds this fascinating.

But now she remembers that she wants milk, so she walks carefully out of the bedroom, trying not to bang into anything.

Mr. Wang is standing by the slider door in his underwear, letting the cool air inside the house. “That feels great,” Janie says. She breathes it in.