Eyes Turned Skyward

“Because she knew! You don’t want to see it, but she knew about her heart.”

“She did not! She would have told me—told my parents!” My spine straightened until it almost hurt.

“Lee—” Will tried to interrupt.

“William Carter, get out! This isn’t a conversation you’re welcome to!”

“Seriously—”

“Now!” I yelled, but he didn’t budge.

“Use that beautiful brain of yours, Little Bird.” Jagger’s voice softened, but he seemed farther away than ever. “Why else would she make a bucket list? Why else would she have done all those things the summer before, or handed you that note the last time you saw her? She knew, so stop hiding behind her and that damn list, or what you mistakenly think I need, and make your own choice, because she sure did.”

My brain overloaded, caught between trying to process what he implied and knowing that if I wanted to give him what he really needed, this was my chance. I took it. “You want me to make my own choice? Fine. This”—I motioned between him and me—“we’re over.” The words ripped through me, and I half expected the heart monitor to show it, but it stayed as steady as my voice. “My sister never would have kept this from me, not if she knew it was genetic.” Maybe if she had known, she would have kept it from me, needing to spare me the same way I’d tried to spare Jagger. But it was too late for either of us now. I refused to be the distraction that sank him. I felt adrift in a giant sea of uncertainty, and I was pulling him down with me…so I cut him free. “Go find another girl. As I recall your past, that shouldn’t be hard to do. We’re done.”

“We’re not done, we’re fighting. I might not be proud of my past, but you’re the only woman I want. You are irreplaceable, which is why you’re scaring the shit out of me with the choices you’re making. You’re my family, and we are not done.”

He was perfect, and I loved him so much that I saw the line and walked right past it, my chest aching with every step it would take to push him over. “The son of a drug addict? I should have known better than to be with someone who didn’t know the first thing about commitment and real family. You would seriously try to use my sister, my deepest pain to manipulate me? You really are your father’s son. Get out.”

He stumbled backward, every feature on his face slack with surprise. Hurt streaked through his eyes, and I watched his heart break as surely as I felt mine rip into shreds. What did I just do?

“Maybe you’re right. Someone with no real family can’t understand one. But you’re right, I am the son of a drug addict, so I do know a little something about trying to change a woman who’s too stubborn to walk away from her own self-destruction. I love you, Paisley, more than I ever thought possible. You own everything I am, down to the very breath in my lungs, and I’m sorry that’s not enough. Not enough for you to treat me like a partner instead of the enemy, and not enough for me to stand here and watch another woman I love kill herself over something she has complete control over.”

He was more than enough. He was everything, but I couldn’t force the words past the tangle in my throat. “Jagger,” I choked out as he made his way toward the door.

“Stop it, Paisley!” Will shouted. “Damn it, he’s right! Peyton knew!”

Jagger paused at the door frame.

Gravity shifted, taking with it everything that had been holding me together. It was one thing for Jagger to speculate, but for it to be truth? She couldn’t have known. Not really. “No.”

“Yes.” He didn’t break eye contact with me, and I saw the truth and his embarrassment at hiding it. “She knew for months, since our scuba classes early that summer. She knew she couldn’t stay at West Point if anyone found out.”

Pain ricocheted through me, scraping every nerve ending raw. I closed my eyes on everything I thought I knew and opened them with tears streaking my face, washing away my anger, my pride, and my certainty. My soul started soundlessly screaming, but I was so hollow inside that I was sure everyone could hear the echo.

He’d been right, and I hadn’t listened. “Jagger?”

He shook his head, his eyes hard as he turned around. “Funny thing about families, Paisley. They’re not always biological, none of them are perfect, and even if they have all the answers, sometimes they fail the first test they face.”

“Bateman,” Will said quietly.

“Don’t,” Jagger snapped.

I’ll be your family now. My own words cut through what remained of my heart, mocking the way I’d failed him.

He crossed the room toward me, pulled something out of his front pocket, and placed it in the palm of my hand. I couldn’t look down, not when his eyes held me captive in my own stupidity and stubbornness.

“I won’t be needing this anymore.” He brushed a lingering kiss across my forehead, and my eyes slammed shut, fresh tears leaking down my face. He took a deep breath in my hair and pulled away. I looked up at him, but the hurt was gone from his face, replaced by the carefree grin I’d seen on the beach before we met. Only this time it didn’t seem beautiful, or sexy, but lonely.

“Jagger,” I begged.

“I like to think it kept me safe, and I hope it does the same for you on your flight, Little Bird. I’ll see you around.” He smiled again, firmly entrenched in the impenetrable shell everyone else knew him so well for. “Carter, I’ll see you tomorrow.”