Eyes Turned Skyward

“That clear about it, huh?”

“I want him more than anything, but he can’t love me.”

“You’re easy to love. As much as I can’t stand that cocky fucker, he’s got it bad for you. I know all about the flowers, and the lunch meetings, and the fact that he pretty much devotes every waking minute to you.” I sent him a questioning look, and he grinned. “Stick buddies, remember? So what’s the big deal? I thought that’s what every girl wanted.”

“And if he falls in love with me? One hundred eighteen days, Will. What kind of heartless monster would I be if I took his love to be happy and then left him like that?”

“Don’t you keep saying that. You’re not Peyton. You’re not on her time line.”

“You don’t know that.” I did. I felt it in my bones, the same way I knew a pacemaker wasn’t going to save me. I was never going to be older than my sister.

“Neither do you. Does he know yet?”

“No.”

He sighed. “You need to tell him. Don’t throw away a chance at being happy, really happy, just because you’re scared. Trust me, you’ll regret it more than anything else.” He kissed my forehead. “You deserve better than him, Lee, but don’t let me deter you. We all deserve to make our own decisions, our own mistakes.”

“You think he’s a mistake?”

“What I think doesn’t matter anymore. I meant what I said. I’ll be around when he fucks up. I’ll pick you up and dust you off. But when that happens, the question is, will you feel foolish that you let it happen?”

Jagger’s voice echoed in my ears. “No. I’ll be thankful I took the chance and burned.”

Will’s smile was sad as he stood. “Then that’s your answer, Lee. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Will.”

We locked eyes as he opened the door. “She…Peyton would tell you to go for it. She’d say something absolutely horrendous about how good-looking he is and tell you to jump it.”

I laughed. “She sure would.”

He nodded at me once, then shut the door behind him.

His footsteps hadn’t even faded from the door before Mama was in the entry hall. “Well, are you two made up? Is he coming for dinner tonight?”

I stood. “No, Mama. We’re over.”

“What? How is that even possible? This is Will we’re talking about!” She put her hands on her hips, and I settled in for a nice long lecture.

“Then you date him,” I said as Daddy walked out of his office.

“Well, I never! Will Carter is the best thing for you, Lee! He’s already a member of this family.”

The guilt didn’t work this time, because Will had already cut the tethers. I was free. “You cannot hold onto Peyton by keeping me with Will. He’s not going to bring her back.”

Her head jerked like I’d struck her. “That’s not at all the case, young lady.”

“Isn’t it?” I asked softly.

“Lee,” Daddy warned.

“Mama, there’s someone else, someone I want more than breathing. Someone who makes me feel alive, who might not know every detail about me, but who knows who I really am and doesn’t wish I was Peyton. Please, just let me be happy.”

She shook her head. “Will was the only person we trust with your health.”

“You need to trust me.”

“Well, given the absolutely ridiculous decisions you’re making regarding your condition, it looks like that won’t be happening. You’re going to have to move to New York with us.”

“Magnolia!” Daddy growled. “Have you lost your mind?”

“New York?” I asked, my gaze darting between the two of them.

Daddy put his arm around me. “I’ve been here for over two years, Lee. I’m being transferred to West Point in the summer.”

“We had considered letting you stay here, but without Will watching over you, you’re just going to have to come with us.”

I sputtered. Another PCS. Another move. “My life is here. I’m in college, and I have a house, friends. I don’t need to go with you.”

“That’s your choice,” Daddy agreed with a squeeze.

“No, it’s not!” Mama shouted. “If you’re hell-bent on staying here, we’ll cut you off. No help for tuition, or rent, or books, or life. Your insurance will expire, and you’ll be on your own.”

My mouth dropped open. “You’re that desperate to keep me on a leash?”

“You need one! It’s been another month, and you haven’t given Dr. Larondy the okay to do the pacemaker. You’re being childish, so we’ll treat you like a child. Life is too short to jeopardize it!”

“It’s my heart, Mama! Mine! My life, my decision!” Life was too short to straddle the fence, and her comments pushed me in the opposite direction of what she’d been hoping.

“Then make the right one!” she screamed, her voice harsh and breaking. “Call me evil, but I just don’t care what you want. Not when you’re being ludicrous. I have already lost Peyton!” Her breaths came in heaves, shaking her shoulders.

One of the dogs whined, breaking the silence. Daddy shook his head at Mama.

“Well, you just lost me, too,” I said over the lump in my throat. I hugged Daddy. “Merry Christmas, Daddy.”