Euphoria

“Shut the fuck up, dude,” Max barked before I even had a chance to say anything. I cocked my head at him, now really interested in what was going on, but I refrained from saying anything there.

“Alright, alright. Shit, I was just saying she looks like she’s fifteen,” the guy responded, putting his hands up in the air to surrender.

“Well, I’m sure she’s old enough to work here. Marcus and Rat don’t run a shady business.” He looked over at me, “Right, man?”

I nodded. “Yes, she’s legal, and yes, Marcus runs a tight ship. This place ain’t mine anymore, I’m just here for a few weeks until I head back to Austin.” I paused a minute before asking him, “Actually, do you have a few minutes to talk before y’all go on?” He agreed and we walked over to the end of the bar where we had some privacy and could hear a little better.

“Look, I don’t want to make this long and drawn out, but I just wanted to tell you that I really miss having you as a friend. I know a lot of shit has happened. We’ve both made some pretty fucking stupid decision and reacted poorly to things. I’m sorry I hit you at the wedding,” I said sincerely. Making things right between people I had once cared about was a huge part of my self-forgiveness process, which was vital in the whole self-love thing.

He took a minute, digesting my words before he responded. “You’re completely right. We both did some things that we shouldn’t be proud of. I want you to know that I deserved that punch though; it’s why I didn’t even try to defend myself. I could give you a thousand excuses for what I did, but none of them mean shit. All I can say is I’m sorry… really fucking sorry. You have no idea how badly I’d like to redo that night.” He shook his head remorsefully.

“I get it. You don’t need to say anything else. Believe me, I know more than anyone. I just wanted things to be cool between us. Like I said earlier, I’m gonna be around here for a little while before heading back to Austin, and I’d love sometime in the future for Jobu’s Rum and 32 Leaves to play together again.” I felt such a relief that this conversation was going so smoothly.

“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that,” he began cautiously. “As you know…” He suddenly stopped what he was saying as something behind me caught his eye. Naturally, I turned around to see what or who it was, and immediately my eyes found Scarlett walking through the front door… followed by Ash.

SCARLETT

The day after my and Ash’s argument, and subsequent make up, we spent quite a bit of time talking about and planning for our upcoming move. Once we had the chance to discuss everything in detail, I began to get excited. UC Berkeley had an award winning College of Music so it was really a perfect fit for both of us. I had never dreamed of living in California before, and I wasn’t sure how my parents were going to feel about me leaving Rice, an academic mecca, for a music school on the west coast, but I had to remind myself that I wasn’t living this life for them.

We still needed to figure out where we were going to live, but we decided that we would go at the end of May, as soon as the semester was over. Ash had a job through the school doing research, similar to what he had at St. Thomas, and I would try to find one once we got out there. He kept telling me that it wasn’t necessary for me to work, that he could pay for everything, but I wanted to be able to help with our living expenses, even if he didn’t need it. I explained to him that if I didn’t, I felt like I was completely dependent on him, which of course was what I was trying to escape. Thankfully, he finally got it, and told me that he supported whatever made me happy.

That evening I was singing with 32 Leaves for the first time at Empty’s, and I was both excited and nervous. After Max had talked to Noah and the rest of the band, they had welcomed me with open arms. I quickly learned that singing with a band was much different than what I was used to, just me and my guitar or keyboard, but after practicing with them a few times, I finally felt confident enough to perform.

Max had left while I was still getting ready, saying that he had some errands to run before heading up to the bar. Ash had gone home to shower and get dressed and was coming back to pick me up. I think he was just as excited to see me with the band as I was to perform with them. I dressed in a black V-neck sweater with skinny jeans and black knee boots, hoping for a good mixture of comfort and style. As I finished straightening my hair and putting on a small bit of makeup, I found myself really wishing Evie was there. Not only was she my personal stylist, but she had always been my biggest fan. Just her presence had a calming sensation that no one or nothing else could rival.

A little after nine o’clock, Ash and I walked in and headed straight for the table where Max, Noah, Mina, and the rest of the band always sat. As we walked across the room, I noticed that Max’s chair was empty so my eyes began scanning the room. It didn’t take me long to find him. His eyes locked with mine, pleading, and I immediately knew why. I hadn’t even thought about seeing Mase up there; it had just never occurred to me that while he was still in Houston, that he would be there. He turned around and followed Max’s line of sight, and when our eyes locked, the nervous butterflies in my belly turned into a wild zoo.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Hesitate ~ Stone Sour

Let Her Go ~ Passenger

MASON

I knew it had only been the day before that I had seen her, but I could not take my eyes off of her. She was absolutely stunning. Max stepped up behind me and quietly whispered in my ear, “Dude, you’re staring.”

“I’m well aware. I can’t help it, look at her,” I replied.

“Yes, I see her. And I also see her boyfriend walking behind her,” he chuckled.

With a half groan, I forced myself to pull my gaze away from her and turn back around to face Max. Rubbing my face to try and get the image of her out of my head, I asked him, “So what were you about to say?”

He gave me a crooked smile. “Well, I was going to warn you that she was coming.”

I was a little confused because Scarlett never mentioned coming up to the bar anymore, and I couldn’t imagine that Ash liked to hang out there much. “Does she come up here a lot?”

“No, she’s actually singing with 32 Leaves tonight.”

“What? Why? What’s wrong with Noah?”

“Nothing’s wrong with him, he’s still our main guy. She was wanting to get back into music, and we were looking for a way to diversify our set, so she’s just gonna do a few songs with us. Tonight is our first night live with her,” he explained. “She’s really fucking good, man.”

“So that’s why he’s here with her,” I muttered, as it all began to make sense.

Max put his hand on my shoulder, his eyes understanding. “He truly loves her; he’d do anything for her.

As I nodded and swiveled on my heel to walk away, I mumbled under my breath, “So do I… so do I.” I needed some fresh air and a minute to calm down before greeting the cute couple, so I hurried to the back door before they reached us. Standing outside in the freezing cold night without a jacket, I began counting backwards from ten to calm myself and regain my composure. As simple as it may sound, I found that the anger control technique helped me quite a bit when my thoughts began to run away from me.

Startling me, the door swung open, nearly knocking me over, and Scarlett stepped outside. My heart soared knowing she had come looking for me, I didn’t even realize she had seen me escape.

“Mase! What are you doing out here? Why did you run when you saw me?” I could hear the hurt in her voice.

“I just needed a minute, Angel. I’m okay. I’m not out here doing lines or anything,” I said, in an attempt to make light of the situation.

She slapped me hard across the back of the head. “Don’t you even joke about that, Mason Templeton. I will kick your ass.”

“Ouch, that hurt!” I cried as I rubbed that back of my head. “I was only kidding.”

“Now why did you come out here when I got here? Are you trying to avoid me?”

“I would never try to avoid you. I just wasn’t expecting you to be here… and him,” I ran my fingers through my overgrown hair. “I know what the situation is, Scar, and I accept it, but it doesn’t make it any easier, okay? I’m trying here. “

She stepped towards me, eliminating the space between us, and circled her arms around my waist and leaning her forehead onto my shoulder. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close to me. Her scent reminded me of a warm night on the beach, the fresh air mixed with a hint of ocean sea breeze and coconuts. I tried desperately not to think about how she tastes as good as she smells, but it’s nearly impossible with her this close to me.

Without looking up, she whispered, “Mase, I thought we were moving forward as friends. You don’t run away from your friends. Like I’ve told you, I want you in my life, and I want to be in yours. I can’t even begin to tell you how important you are to me, but I’m with him now… whatever the messed up circumstances that brought us here, it’s where we are.”

Gently stroking her back with my hands, I knew what she said was true. I knew I had to let her go in that capacity. As much as I fucking didn’t want to, I was going to go insane like that. I knew it was part of moving forward and learning to love myself. I kissed the top of her head. “I’ll be okay, Angel. Just be patient with me. Now let’s go back inside. I want to hear you sing.”

She pulled back from me a bit, looking down at the ground, and said, “Wait, there’s something I need to tell you first.” She chewed on her lip nervously, obviously deciding how she was going to say whatever it was that she needed to say.

I put my hand under her chin and lifted her face so that she was looking into my eyes. “What is it? Just say it.”

“Ash and I are moving to California in May, after the semester is over,” she blurted out.

There haven’t been many times in my life that I’ve been speechless, but that was one. I was literally stunned silent. I dropped my hand from her chin and put them in my pockets and just stood there staring at her.

I could see the tears forming in her eyes as she tried to explain further. “Please don’t be upset with me. I’m gonna go to music school there and he’s gonna finish graduate school. I mean you’re leaving to go back to Austin here in a couple of weeks, and from there you’re probably going to be on tour. You’ll be long gone before I ever leave.”

I knew she was right in everything she said. I would be leaving Houston in just a short time, but for some reason knowing that she was not only moving in with him, but moving across the country with him, made me extremely jealous. I swallowed down the lump that had formed in my throat as I gazed down at her. One single tear fell down her cheek, and I reached up to wipe it off with a gentle stroke of my thumb. I knew in that moment that I had to let her go. She needed me to tell her it was okay, and as much as it killed me to do so, I did just that.