Enough to Miss Christmas

"You must have thought it was some bag lady. I had to borrow duds." I began to wake up, astonished that I was having a casual conversation with my sister!

"I was mad as hell at her. I'm her mother and she called me a stubborn old bitch. Can you imagine either of us calling Ma that?"

I had to laugh. "Maureen's heart was in the right place. You have a great daughter. I feel I've known her for years and we've barely met." I added, "I'm glad she sent the note."

"Maureen is like that; pushy. She said she'd never speak to me again or let me play with the twins if I didn't talk to you. Even Ben got on my case."

"Thank you coming over and talking to me. I was too chicken to do it myself."

"We're leaving to go back to Connecticut; that's why I called so early."

"You're going now? I'm sorry. I was hoping maybe we could talk. Sort of feel each other out. Catch up." Suzie remained silent.

"Why do you have to go back so soon?" I asked. "It's Sunday. Ben doesn't work until tomorrow, does he?"

"I have to get back." Then Suzie added the zinger, "and visit ma." I didn't say anything as new wave of guilt washed over me. I pulled the covers up to my chin. My sister continued. "I didn't want to leave without calling you."

"I'm glad you did."

She changed the subject to the wedding with both of us saying all the right things. I took some kidding about my escort. There was a hint of old times, yet the conversation remained unsettled. Still, Suzie seemed unwilling to end the call. I knew it was my turn to move forward; what I had to say before we ended our first conversation in twenty years.

"I will come up and see you. To Connecticut, I mean." When Suzie didn't answer I added, "I'll visit ma too. I promise."

She sighed. "Thanks."

Suzie was silent for a few minutes. "I'll call you when I get back to Virginia," I said, assuming the conversation was over.

"We have to talk, little sister. Ben says so. There's stuff you should know."

I wasn't sure how to respond. "We'll talk. Now that I'm back east, I'll call you."

"Now. It's time." I sensed she was crying. "It never should have gone so long. You and I were too close; it never should have happened.'

"It's my entire fault, Suzie. I've been a total shit."

"Yes, you have," she said with the candor I remembered. "But you don't know the whole story."