Enough to Miss Christmas

"I want to do things differently but it's difficult to find a start; knowing what to change."

"Change everything! Start by talking to them, honestly. You're not so stupid you don't realize Karen has a remarkable capacity for bending the truth when it suits her. Call her to task for it and explain the difference between pretending and lying and tell her lying doesn't solve a damn thing. Don't just let dishonesty slide."

"Did she lie about something? I'm sorry, since her mother died . . ."

"So how long is that honeymoon going to last? Karen has a life ahead of her and she best get started."

"Maybe I don't really know my kids, or how to raise them. My own experience certainly sucked. It wasn't a whole lot different from theirs in most ways. Neither was their mother's."

"So how did you turn out to be so world-wise and sociable?" I asked a tad too harshly.

"I snuck out, did stuff on my own and learned. I didn't give a shit what anyone said, especially my parents. I spent two years on my own as a runaway teenager before they hired a detective to drag me home."

"See?" I said. "That's the clue. You didn't love your parents the way Karen loves you. You didn't care a rat's ass about pleasing them the way your daughter loves you and is fanatical about pleasing you."

"I don't want to expose my kids to what I went through!"

"You're smart enough to know there's a middle ground, Paul."

"You don't pull any punches, do you?"

"Not when it comes to children. Just talk to them, Paul, and raise them yourself. Stop abdicating responsibility to hired help who don't have a nickel in your children's future."

I took a deep breath. "I need another drink."

When the next round was served and half finished, Paul looked me in the eye. "You know how much I want you to help. You could move up here, move in here; anything, but I won't even ask because I know you wouldn't do it."

"You better believe it. It's your job, not mine," I answered taking his hand. "I really care for you, Paul; maybe I even love you . . . there, I said it, but I despise the life you and everyone around you is leading; everything I've seen about it."

"I don't give a whit about all those trappings. I only live that way because it's all I've ever known and it was dumped on me."

"I have no business asking you to change and don't expect you to, but I'd never have a moment's happiness with all that crap surrounding me. Where does that leave us? I don't have a clue. I want to make us work as a couple but I can't even guess how that could possibly happen. I'll have dinner with you and talk to you and let you drive me to the hotel. Will I sleep with you? Not tonight. Not after the day we've both had."