Enough to Miss Christmas

"We brought you some books." He placed them on the table next to her.

She looked directly at me. "That's very nice. You must be the book lady."

I didn't want to be the book lady. I wanted to be the daughter and I desperately wanted my mother to return from her nether world. She smiled and resumed reading. We made half-hearted excuses and backed from the room.

The forecast rain proved accurate and the deluge began in earnest as we began the two-hour drive back to Boston. Paul tried unsuccessfully to put a positive spin on my mother's dramatic mood change, saying she was overly tired from our earlier visit, but disappointment buried me in melancholy. We lapsed into an eerie silence, pretending to listen to the car radio until stopping for a light supper at a roadside chain. I nibbled at a grilled cheese sandwich while Paul's eyes showed concern for my depression. I felt obliged to apologize.

"I'm approaching this all wrong, I know. The day's been a roller coaster of emotions and I need time to sort it all out. I'll be fine. You were right in coaxing me to visit my mother. I should have realized what Suzie and everyone meant by good days and bad days. I got to see both. I'm just thankful for their order. If she hadn't recognized me when we first stopped by, I might have never come back. Now I know I will."

Paul nodded in agreement. "Perhaps you can take Karen along."

Once more, we parted at my hotel room door, with the familiar hug and kiss but I hung onto him a moment longer. God knows I wanted him to stay. We arranged for Paul to pick me up for my early morning flight to Washington. Though the details remained unsaid, we both knew we'd see more of one another.