Enough to Miss Christmas

"No." I thought a moment. "I guess it was how they were raised."

"Ah! We follow the practices of our parents."

"Only up to a point. Generations change and adapt. Hopefully, we learn as the world moves forward. It was how they felt; why they did what they did. I'm just not going to duplicate their methods. We've swam in this pond before, Doctor."

"Karen fails to understand this. She's harboring guilt, and she's looking for atonement. Children are taught that if we do something bad, we will be punished. She's seeking out punishment to relieve her guilt. She craves to be punished by you and is willing to accept punishment to gain forgiveness. She sees no other opportunity to right the wrong she's holding back. Her mother is dead. What she fails to realize is punishment is not an end in itself; she needs to release her guilt and be able to move on."

"For her alleged past sins? We don't even know what Karen thinks she's guilty of doing! She refuses to discuss her mother."

"I have some thoughts on moving ahead with that subject. It involves seeing you both together in our next session."

"That's fine," I said. "Anything to get the ball rolling. I'm sure Karen will feel the same way."

"First, we have to bury this spanking business once and for all. Karen's wed to how your parents raised you, and how they'd respond to what she did. If we're successful in finding what she's hiding, we'll be asked to respond to it. We don't want your parents' brand of punishment to get in the way."

"I'll have to improve as a teacher and as a parent." I was hoping for a little praise but instead he nodded.

"You have to convince her that while you don't fault your parents for spanking their children, you won't do likewise, under any circumstances. Have you discussed the topic with her? Have you explained your thoughts and why your beliefs differ from your parents?"

"No. While I've made a point of telling her we won't do it, I didn't detail why. I pretty much stay away from the subject with her."

"The subject is not going away. It's important that you explain yourself so Karen understands."

"I'll try, but even if she doesn't agree with my position, I will not strike her or Timmy. That's a promise and she knows it."

"Your homework is to convince Karen your unwillingness isn't that you don't love her enough to do it."

I agreed to explain my feelings to my daughter and we closed the extended session. Dr. Mason's caution bothered me. I realized the truth in what he was saying. It was imperative Karen not only to understand but accept my feelings about spanking as a form of punishment, and how they differed from my parents. I resolved to discuss this with her, in detail. Then we would bury the topic, once and for all. However, doing so does not address what alternate punishment should be decreed when some serious infraction takes place. I wanted to be able to address such a situation. Only one more day remained until she and I left for Connecticut and our visit with Suzie. I decided to postpone any lengthy love chair discussion until we returned.