Enough to Miss Christmas

"Does it cause your dreams?" I asked, prompting.

"Yes."

"Maybe telling me will keep them away."

Finally she spoke in a clear voice, her head turned toward me in the darkness. I could see her tears glistening on her cheeks.

"She didn't die like they all said. It was nothing like that. They all lied. I know. I saw it. All the adults lied." I hardly breathed.

"They thought I was outside, in the pool house, or in the back yard, but I wasn't. I was down there."

"In the cellar?"

She nodded. "I was trying to find my old jump rope. I wasn't supposed to go down there because Mrs. Doberchek said I could get hurt. I heard someone on the stairs so I hid. I thought it was Doberchek. She sometimes stole a bottle of my father's wine. He didn't know she had a key. I heard some rummaging around and something fell and then there were funny sounds. It frightened me. I didn't dare to come out so I stayed hidden." She began to sob. I held her tightly. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She could barely get out the words.

"There were gagging noises and I thought Mrs. Doberchek was sick and vomiting because she drank too much but then the noises stopped. I knew she was still there because I would have heard her on the squeaky stairs if she left. I thought maybe she guessed I was down there and was waiting for me to come out. I stayed a long time but nothing happened and it stayed quiet. It began to smell funny."

I knew where this was going and I dreaded hearing the words. I tightened my knees against my trembling. I knew too, in my heart, Karen had to talk, had to get it out. She took a deep breath and continued.

"I heard Dad come home and say something to Mrs. Doberchek. She was leaving for the day, so I knew it wasn't her down here with me! He asked where I was and she said I was outside playing and Timmy was taking a nap. Hearing that scared me all the more because I didn't know who was down there with me! My mother could hardly get out of bed so I never thought it might be her. I was too scared to move. After a while, I heard the cellar door open and I could hear Dad coming down for his bottle of wine. Then he screamed, Carol and I knew it was my mother!"

"Oh, God! No!"

After a deep breath, she continued. "I crawled out of my hiding place far enough to see. She'd stood on a chair, and tied a clothes line around her neck, then kicked out the chair . . ."