Enough to Miss Christmas

Karen's request surprised me. I knew she was very fond of my mother, but a visit was pestiferous as my mother had not been lucid since the first time Karen met her. A visit was due and Karen held faith that on one of these encounters her grandmother would again be alert to her presence.

We'd be starting late and it was a long drive but I readily agreed. We asked the male contingent of the family to come along but Timmy wanted to finish their clubhouse project. At his age and attention span, a long car ride and visit to Grandma bored him although he never complained. Karen and I hastily packed a lunch and were on our way in minutes.

There would be no stop at my sister's as she and her family was spending the week vacationing on Cape Cod. We'd see them later in the month when our promised camping trip was scheduled. They would join us for the last summer weekend.

Karen's glum mood disappeared in the car, replaced by happy chatter. She looked forward to Grandma answering the questions she was saving up about my growing up years, what Karen saw as the ideal plan for rearing children. I was never quite sure why my new daughter felt this so strongly. Was it that I'd turned out so well or was I so inadequate I needed my mother's how-to chart of child raising? Either way, I was pleased with Karen's affection for this woman I myself so loved.

"I know she'll be lucid this time," Karen said with the authority of the young and vocabulary beyond her years. I hoped with my heart she was correct.

"If not this time," I answered, "on one of these visits."

Our conversation segued to the upcoming school year. Karen was excited to choose her subjects, especially the advanced classes now available to her. She asked about my schooling and its more limited choices.

"Were you smart in school, Sarah?" she asked at one point.

"Both Suzie and I did well. Our parents made sure we studied and we got good grades."

"Then why didn't either of you go to college?"

Karen's question gave rise to painful memories and she sensed my mood change as I answered. "My father died and I met Doug. I married him instead of college. Suzie went to college for one year before she too married."

"You didn't have children so you could have gone to college anyway."

"We didn't stay in one place long because my husband moved from one assignment to another. We didn't have much money and he didn't think college was important."