Enough to Miss Christmas

"Good observation. Let me think."

Karen was perceptive far beyond her years. While conflicts abounded in her expanding mind, she was a careful observer and could detect a falsehood a mile away. I vowed to never deceive her and tried to answer her infrequent questions as thoroughly and honestly as possible.

"The one answer I can give you is not to think love is simply what someone tells you. Love is in the doing, not just the saying. Actions speak far louder than words."

"Yeah, buy flowers and stuff."

"That might be a thoughtful gesture on a few occasions but love is much, much more. It's not just between a man and a woman. You can feel love strongly between family members and others as well."

"Is that how you and Aunt Suzie feel? You're always saying stuff like more than a chocolate sundae or greater than a dozen Robert Redford movies, whoever he is."

"We always talked a lot about love and we do love one another. It's just like you love your father and Timmy."

"I'm not going to love anyone else."

"Sure you will. Why wouldn't you want to? Love is wonderful!"

"People you love die."

Her answer took me by surprise and not only saddened me deeply but offered insight into her resolute aversion against forming a closer relationship with me. I took time answering. "Karen, you can't not love because it will hurt if it goes away."

"What happens if the person you love is bad; someone who does bad things?"

"You might hate the things that person does but you don't stop loving them."

"Really bad things?"

"Look what a bitch I've been to my mother. In spite of that, Suzie stuck up for me. She always has."

"So you have to sort of prove love?"

"Yes. Not just say the words." Karen turned and looked at me defiantly.

"You say you love me. You might as well stop trying to get me to love you because I'm not going to. I might get to like you, maybe. Even like you a lot. But not love you."

"I've told you a hundred times, I'll still love you no matter what and nothing will change that."

"You'd love me more if I loved you."

"Nope."

"Why?"

"Because I love you the max right now."

"You don't care that I don't love you?"

"Sure, I care. I'd be very, very pleased if I knew you loved me. It would mean the world to me. But if you don't, I can live with that. That's your choice, not mine. I have no control over how you feel, nor does anyone else. You're the owner of your own feelings."