Ella and Micha: Infinitely and Always (The Secret 4.6)

Shaking my head, I instantly relax. “Lila, he always acts weird.”

“Ella,” she huffs, “this is important. He’s acting like… well, like he’s going to break up with me.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“How? How can you not doubt it when I can?”

“Um, because he’s totally in love with you.” I swing my feet out of bed and plant them firmly onto the hardwood floor. “Has been for years.”

“Yeah, but…” She trails off. I know where her mind is heading. The fact that they aren’t married after five years of being together bothers the crap out of Lila. “I just wish we were husband and wife. It would make the fear of him leaving me a lot less intense.”

“Husbands leave wives all the time. Having a ring on your finger doesn’t make feelings change. If he was going to leave you, he would, regardless. It’s the same way with anyone, really.” I rise to my feet and pad over to the curtains, throwing them open.

The floor to ceiling windows allow an abundance of sunshine inside my bedroom and give me the most awesome view of the city. I remember when Micha and I bought the two-story home after his songs really started selling. It was the view that won me over. For Micha, it was the large, “sex-worthy” bathtub in the master bathroom.

“Jeez, Ella, you never sugarcoat anything,” Lila says with a heavy sigh.

“Sorry. My head just went to a really weird place.” I push open the double doors and walk out onto the balcony.

The winter air kisses my damp skin as I rest my arms on the railing and gaze at the clear blue sky. I’m not sure why, but I’ve been overheating lately, especially in the mornings. While most people are in jackets, I usually sport shorts and get a lot of strange looks because of it. It’s actually starting to concern me a little that maybe something might be wrong.

“A mom place?” Lila asks concernedly, interrupting my overheating concerns.

“No, not really. It’s strange, but mom thoughts have been pretty mellow for the last year or so, even around the holidays and summer.”

“That’s good. It probably means you’re healed.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far. It just means I’ve come to terms with what is.”

“You sound so wise,” she remarks. “Seriously, Ella, I’m so proud of you. I wish I could let all my family shit go.”

“You can,” I tell her as I shut my eyes and breathe in the fresh air. “All you have to do is accept what is and let go.”

“You mean stop talking to my parents? Because I kind of have.”

I open my eyes. “I know, but you haven’t fully let go.”

“I’m working on it. It’s just hard with the inheritance. It was my mother’s mom who left it to me, and therefore, she thinks she’s entitled to occasionally call me up and see what I’m doing.”

“You could always stop answering the phone.” I turn around and lean against the railing.

“Yeah, I probably should.” She releases a stressed breath. “Okay, no more family talk. I called to chat about Ethan, not my crazy bitch of a mother. I just wish he’d change his mind about marriage, like you did.”

“Hey, I never was completely against marriage,” I argue. “Just getting that fully committed to someone.”

“His isn’t because of a commitment thing; he just doesn’t want to turn into his parents.”

“Which I can kind of understand, seeing as how I worried for years that I’d end up like my mother.” I pause, glancing at the next door neighbor’s two-story home. “Can I be really honest with you?”

“You know I prefer it that way.”

“Even if it stings?”

“Of course. If I didn’t want the truth, I would have never called you.”

I sink into a chair and spit it out. “The thing is, with as long as Ethan has dragged out this non-marriage idea, I’m kind of starting to believe that his mind may never change. Maybe he will remain unmarried for his entire life.” I bite down on my lip as I wait for her response. She’s silent for an eternity, and I worry I’ve said the wrong thing.

“I know,” she finally utters. “I think I’ve known that for a few years. I’m just too terrified to accept it.”

“And that’s understandable.” I rise to my feet when I hear the neighbor’s sliding glass door open. Moments later, Lila strolls out of the two-story house similar to mine and onto the deck that stretches out across the backyard. Our homes are so close, if we both extended our arms, we could hold hands.

Ethan and Lila moved in less than a year ago after Lila received her inheritance. Lila is content with staying at home most of the time, but Ethan had to find a job; otherwise, “he’d go mad crazy.” He ended up opening his own tour guide place with Lila’s help, and the two of them seem really happy except for the marriage thing.

“You know, you could have just come over,” I call out to her, hanging up the phone.

“I wasn’t sure if you were awake.” She pulls her long, blonde hair up into a messy bun then pads over to the edge of the balcony. She ties the sash of her satin robe, and rests her arms against the wooden railing. “Tell me what to do, Ella. I need to know what to do.”

I frown. “I’m probably one of the worst people to give advice.”

She swiftly shakes her head. “No, you’re not. You only think you are.”

“Yes, I am.” I offer an apologetic look when her mood plunges. “Sorry, but even if I was the most spectacular person in the world to give advice, it’s really about what you want. Either you can accept that you might just be Ethan’s girlfriend for forever and come to terms with that or you can’t and move on.”

Her shoulders sag. “I want to be okay with it. I mean, we’re basically like husband and wife. We’re even trying to have kids and everything.”

My lips part in shock. “Since when?!”

She shrugs. “For, like, the last year.”

I span my hands out to the side. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”

She snorts a laugh. “You, the queen of ‘I Never Want to Be a Mother.’ Yeah, I learned a long time ago that kid talk and you just don’t mix.”

I point a finger at her. “Hey, I’m not that bad anymore.”

She undecidedly wavers. “All right, I’ll give you that. But you still get really squimish over anything kid related.”