Eighteen: 18
Page 49“Just come inside.”
I laugh. “You think we’re still together?”
“Why wouldn’t we be?” he sneers.
He’s serious. He’s actually fucking serious. “You lied to me.”
“It was my job, Shannon.”
“Was I your job? Did you get to know me so you could bust Jason and Phil?”
I wait for the answer I so desperately need to hear, but it never comes.
“Great, that’s just great. You’ve been playing me all right. But not like an instrument.”
“That’s not true,” he says, reaching for my hand.
But I shake it off. “Then what part’s true? Did you know about Jason before we met?”
“Yeah.” He nods.
“So it is true. You used me, Mateo.”
“I didn’t use you, Shannon. Everything we had was real.”
“Except for the parts that weren’t, right? How could I ever believe you? Especially after you told me all those lies when we first met.”
“How do I know it? It’s a serious question. How the hell do I know which parts are true, which parts are lies, and which parts are fantasy? Did you really see me when I was walking to Bill’s to get food?”
“Yeah.”
But I can hear the ‘but’ he left unsaid. “But you already knew me, didn’t you?”
“Shannon—”
“No.” I stop him with a hand to his chest. “Leave me alone.”
I turn and walk down his driveway and make a left at the street.
“Where are you going?” he calls. “Shannon!”
I ignore him, just keep walking until I get to the street I normally take to school and turn left again.
“Slow down, dammit. Where are you going?”
Mateo follows me, asking that question over and over. Asking me to stop and slow down over and over. But I just keep walking until I am standing on Lincoln Avenue in front of the school.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
I cross the street at the light and start heading towards the front steps.
“Shannon,” Mateo growls as I start climbing them. “What the fuck are you doing?” He grabs my hand again, making me stop and whirl around.
He just stares at me, his green eyes searching mine for answers. He’s not panicked, and that surprises me. But he does look slightly nervous.
I turn back to the steps and continue climbing and then I open the front door. It’s eerily silent since school ended yesterday. The lady I know is at the front reception and I make my way over to her. “Is Mr. Bowman in?” I ask.
“Oh, hi, Shannon.” She eyes me warily. I must be a mess after spending the night in jail. “He’s around here somewhere. Let me look.”
She walks off and the door opens behind me. I glance over my shoulder and Mateo walks in, his face long and his expression sad. He walks up behind me and takes my hand. “I’m not gonna let you tell him.”
“Like hell—”
“Stop,” he orders with a finger to my lips. “I’m not going to let you tell him because I’m gonna tell him myself. I’m not walking away, no matter how mad you are or how hard you push. I’m not leaving.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
“Shannon?” Mr. Bowman says, coming up behind us. He takes one look at Mateo’s hand in mine and then his face goes angry. “What’s going on, Mr. Alesci?”
Mateo holds our hands up. “I love her, OK? We’ve been together the whole semester and I love her. I’m gonna marry her, Bowman. And she earned her grade, I swear to God, she earned her grade. She’s a trig genius now, even if she did learn about triangles while she was naked—”
“Oh. My. God!” I say. “Stop talking, you dumbass! I was just gonna ask him for help with Olivia!”
“And I realize she’s pissed off at me right now, and it doesn’t look like I have a chance in hell in getting her to come home with me again, let alone marry me. But I’m a come-from-behind kind of guy, Mr. Bowman.” He looks at me and grimaces. “And I don’t mean to imply we’re having anal sex, Shannon, so don’t freak out on me.” And then he turns back to Bowman. “But she loves me back. She told a whole auditorium filled with kids in Hawaii that she did, and I’m holding her to it. So there.” He throws up his hands. “She’s mine, goddammit, and I don’t give a fuck what you say about it.”
“You’re done now?” Bowman asks. The ladies in the office start to giggle.
“Just kill me now,” I mutter.
I seriously want to die.
“Perhaps,” Bowman says, glaring at the office ladies, “we should go somewhere private?”
Mateo sighs and takes my hand and we follow Bowman out of the office and down the hallway to an empty classroom. He walks to the front and Mateo and I sit in two student desks in front of the larger one where Bowman leans back, his arms folded over his chest.
He glares at Mateo. “I trusted you with her,” he seethes. “I explained that she was very vulnerable. And what did you do? You took advantage of her.”
Mateo sighs and looks over at me. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry if you think that, but I’m not sorry for what I did last night. Phil Alexander was dangerous. Jason, as you well know, Shannon, was dangerous. I got them off the streets. So I’ll apologize for not giving you time to recover from the death of your sister, for being a shitty teacher, for being a liar, and for being…” He glances at Bowman real fast and then back to me. “For being… insistent that you were mine.”
He looks at Bowman again. “But I will not apologize for loving her. I don’t care what you say about it, what we have is good. The way I got her to trust me was the best I could do, and she passed that class by working hard. So if you think you’re going to try to take that away and stop her from graduating, I’ll fight you over it, Bowman. I will. She can retake all those tests and she will pass every single one.”
They glare at each other for several moments and then Bowman looks over at me. “Is that how you feel, Shannon?”
“God.” I sigh. “I’m really not here to discuss my love life, OK? It’s none of your business anymore, Mr. Bowman. I don’t need help with Mateo. You said I should come to you if I needed help with Olivia. Well, I need help. I really, really need your help.” And then it all comes spilling out. I tell him everything I never wanted him, or anyone, to know about me. I tell him about Jill, about Jason, about the drugs, the violence. Everything.
And when I’m done I let out a deep breath. “So will you help me?”
He looks sad. With each new revelation about what’s really been going on, his expression gets more and more concerned. But now he just looks sad. “I failed you. Completely failed you.”