Dragonfly in Amber (Outlander #2)
Page 22"Don't worry about it," I said, stepping in front of her, to shield her from the waves of people now filling the music room. "You needn't talk if you don't want to. Though perhaps you should try to sing," I said, struck by a thought. "I knew a physician once who specialized in the treatment of stammering; he said that people who stammer don't do it when they sing."
Mary Hawkins's eyes grew wide with astonishment at this. I looked around and saw a nearby alcove, curtained to hide a cozy bench.
"Here," I said, taking her by the hand. "You can sit in here, so you don't have to talk to people. If you want to sing, you can come out when we start; if not, just stay in here 'til the party's over." She stared at me for a minute, then gave me a sudden blinding smile of gratitude, and ducked into the alcove.
I loitered outside, to prevent any nosy servants from disturbing her hiding place, chatting with passersby.
"How lovely you look tonight, ma chère!" It was Madame de Ramage, one of the Queen's ladies. An older, dignified woman, she had come to supper in the Rue Tremoulins once or twice. She embraced me warmly, then looked around to be sure that we were unobserved.
"I had hoped to see you here, my dear," she said, leaning a bit closer and lowering her voice. "I wished to advise you to take care concerning the Comte St. Germain."
Half-turning in the direction of her gaze, I saw the lean-faced man from the docks of Le Havre, entering the music room with a younger, elegantly dressed woman on his arm. He hadn't seen me, apparently, and I hastily turned back to Madame de Remage.
"What…has he…I mean…" I could feel myself flushing still more deeply, rattled by the appearance of the saturnine Comte.
"Well, yes, he has been heard to speak of you," Madame de Ramage said, kindly helping me out of my confusion. "I gather that there was some small difficulty in Le Havre?"
"Something of the kind," I said. "All I did was to recognize a case of smallpox, but it resulted in the destruction of his ship, and…he wasn't pleased about it," I concluded weakly.
"Ah, so that was it." Madame de Ramage looked pleased. I imagined having the inside story, so to speak, would give her an advantage in the trade of gossip and information that was the commerce of Parisian social life.
"He has been going about telling people that he believes you to be a witch," she said, smiling and waving at a friend across the room. "A fine story! Oh, no one believes it," she assured me. "Everyone knows that if anyone is mixed up in such matters, it is Monsieur le Comte himself."
"Really?" I wanted to ask just what she meant by this, but just then Herr Gerstmann bustled up, clapping his hands as though shooing a flock of hens.
"Come, come, mesdames!" he said. "We are all complete; the singing commences!"
As the chorale hastily assembled near the harpsichord, I looked back toward the alcove where I had left Mary Hawkins. I thought I saw the curtain twitch, but wasn't sure. And as the music began, and the joined voices rose, I thought I heard a clear, high soprano from the direction of the alcove—but again, I wasn't sure.
"Verra nice, Sassenach," Jamie said when I rejoined him, flushed and breathless, after the singing. He grinned down at me and patted my shoulder.
"How would you know?" I said, accepting a glass of wine-punch from a passing servant. "You can't tell one song from another."
"Well, ye were loud, anyway," he said, unperturbed. "I could hear every word." I felt him stiffen slightly beside me, and turned to see what—or whom—he was looking at.
The woman who had just entered was tiny, scarcely as high as Jamie's lowest rib, with hands and feet like a doll's, and brows delicate as Chinese tracery, over eyes the deep black of sloes. She advanced with a step that mocked its own lightness, so she looked as though she were dancing just above the ground.
"There's Annalise de Marillac," I said, admiring her. "Doesn't she look lovely?"
"Oh, aye." Something in his voice made me glance sharply upward. A faint pink tinged the tips of his ears.
"And here I thought you spent your years in France fighting, not making romantic conquests," I said tartly.
To my surprise, he laughed at this. Catching the sound, the woman turned toward us. A brilliant smile lit her face as she saw Jamie looming among the crowd. She turned as though to come in our direction, but was distracted by a gentleman, wigged and resplendent in lavender satin, who laid an importuning hand on her fragile arm. She flicked her fan charmingly at Jamie in a gesture of regretful coquetry before devoting her attention to her new companion.
"What's so funny?" I asked, seeing him still grinning broadly after the lady's gently oscillating lace skirts.
He snapped suddenly back to an awareness of my presence, and smiled down at me.
His tone was mildly dreamy, watching the sleek, dark head bob away through the crowd, surrounded wherever it went by white clusters of wigs and powdered hair, with here and there a fashionably pink-tinged peruke for variety.
"A duel? With whom?" I asked, glancing around warily for any male attachments to the China doll who might feel inclined to follow up an old quarrel.
"Och, he isna here," Jamie said, catching and correctly interpreting my glance. "He's dead."
"You killed him?" Agitated, I spoke rather louder than intended. As a few nearby heads turned curiously in our direction, Jamie took me by the elbow and steered me hastily toward the nearest French doors.
"Mind your voice, Sassenach," he said, mildly enough. "No, I didna kill him. Wanted to," he added ruefully, "but didn't. He died two years ago, of the morbid sore throat. Jared told me."
He guided me down one of the garden paths, lit by lantern-bearing servants, who stood like bollards at five-yard intervals from the terrace to the fountain at the bottom of the path. In the midst of a big reflecting pool, four dolphins sprayed sheets of water over an annoyed-looking Triton in the center, who brandished a trident rather ineffectually at them.
"Well, don't keep me in suspense," I urged as we passed out of hearing of the groups on the terrace. "What happened?"
"All right, then," he said, resigned. "Well, ye will have observed that Annalise is rather pretty?"
"Oh, really? Well, perhaps, now that you mention it, I can see something of the kind," I answered sweetly, provoking a sudden sharp look, followed by a lopsided smile.
"Aye. Well, I wasna the only young gallant in Paris to be of the same opinion, nor the only one to lose his head over her, either. Went about in a daze, tripping over my feet. Waited in the street, in hopes of seeing her come out of her house to the carriage. Forgot to eat, even; Jared said my coat hung on me like a scarecrow's, and the state of my hair didna much help the resemblance." His hand went absently to his head, patting the immaculate queue that lay clubbed tight against his neck, bound with blue ribbon.
"Forgot to eat? Christ, you did have it bad," I remarked.
He chuckled. "Oh, aye. And still worse when she began to flirt wi' Charles Gauloise. Mind ye," he added fairly, "she flirted with everyone—that was all right—but she chose him for her supper partner ower-often for my taste, and danced with him too much at the parties, and…well, the long and the short of it, Sassenach, is that I caught him kissing her in the moonlight on her father's terrace one night, and challenged him."
By this time, we had reached the fountain in our promenade. Jamie drew to a stop and we sat on the rim of the fountain, upwind of the spray from the puff-lipped dolphins. Jamie drew a hand through the dark water and lifted it dripping, abstractedly watching the silver drops run down his fingers.
"Dueling was illegal in Paris then—as it is now. But there were places; there always are. It was his to choose, and he picked a spot in the Bois de Boulogne. Close by the road of the Seven Saints, but hidden by a screen of oaks. The choice of weapon was his, too. I expected pistols, but he chose swords."
"Why would he do that? You must have had a six-inch reach on him—or more." I was no expert, but was perforce learning a small bit about the strategy and tactics of swordfighting; Jamie and Murtagh took each other on every two or three days to keep in practice, clashing and parrying and lunging up and down the garden, to the untrammeled delight of the servants, male and female alike, who all surged out onto the balconies to watch.
"Why did he choose smallswords? Because he was bloody good with one. Also, I suspected he thought I might kill him accidentally with a pistol, while he knew I'd be satisfied only to draw blood with a blade. I didna mean to kill him, ye ken," he explained. "Only to humiliate him. And he knew it. No fool, was our Charles," he said, ruefully shaking his head.
The mist from the fountain was making ringlets escape from my coiffure, to curl around my face. I brushed back a wisp of hair, asking, "And did you humiliate him?"
"Well, I wounded him, at least." I was surprised to hear a small note of satisfaction in his voice, and raised an eyebrow at him. "He'd learnt his craft from LeJeune, one of the best swordmasters in France." Jamie explained. "Like fighting a damn flea, it was, and I fought him right-handed, too." He pushed a hand through his hair once more, as though checking the binding.
"My hair came loose, midway through," he said. "The thong holding it broke, and the wind was blowing it into my eyes, so all I could see was the wee white shape of Charles in his shirt, darting to and fro like a minnow. And that's how I got him, finally—the way ye spear a fish with a dirk." He snorted through his nose.
"He let out a skelloch as though I'd run him through, though I knew I'd but pinked him in one arm. I got the hair out of my face at last and looked beyond him to see Annalise standing there at the edge of the clearing, wi' her eyes wide and dark as yon pool." He gestured out over the silver-black surface beside us.
"So I sheathed my blade and smoothed back my hair, and stood there—half-expectin' her to come and throw herself into my arms, I suppose."
"Um," I said, delicately. "I gather she didn't?"
"Well, I didna ken anything about women then, did I?" he demanded. "No, she came and threw herself on him, of course." He made a Scottish noise deep in his throat, one of self-derision and humorous disgust. "Married him a month later, I heard."
"Aye, well." He shrugged suddenly, with a rueful smile. "So my heart was broken. Went home to Scotland and moped about for weeks, until my father lost patience wi' me." He laughed. "I even thought of turning monk over it. Said to my father over supper one night as I thought perhaps in the spring I'd go across to the Abbey and become a novice."
He grinned, teeth white in a dark face. "He was eating brose. He laid down the spoon and looked at me for a moment. Then he sighed and shook his head, and said, ‘It's been a long day, Jamie.' Then he picked up the spoon again and went back to his supper, and I never said another word about it."
He looked up the slope to the terrace, where those not dancing strolled to and fro, cooling off between dances, sipping wine and flirting behind fans. He sighed nostalgically.
"Aye, a verra pretty lass, Annalise de Marillac. Graceful as the wind, and so small that ye wanted to tuck her inside your shirt and carry her like a kitten."
I was silent, listening to the faint music from the open doors above, as I contemplated the gleaming satin slipper that encased my size-nine foot.
After a moment, Jamie became aware of my silence.
"What is it, Sassenach?" he asked, laying a hand on my arm.
"Oh, nothing," I said with a sigh. "Only thinking that I rather doubt anyone will ever describe me as ‘graceful as the wind.' "
"Ah." His head was half-turned, the long, straight nose and firm chin lighted from behind by the glow of the nearest lantern. I could see the half-smile on his lips as he turned back toward me.
"Well, I'll tell ye, Sassenach, ‘graceful' is possibly not the first word that springs to mind at thought of you." He slipped an arm behind me, one hand large and warm around my silk-clad shoulder.
"But I talk to you as I talk to my own soul," he said, turning me to face him. He reached up and cupped my cheek, fingers light on my temple.
"And, Sassenach," he whispered, "your face is my heart."
It was the shifting of the wind, several minutes later, that parted us at last with a fine spray from the fountain. We broke apart and rose hastily, laughing at the sudden chill of the water. Jamie inclined his head inquiringly toward the terrace, and I took his arm, nodding.
"So," I observed, as we made our way slowly up the wide steps to the ballroom, "you've learnt a bit more about women now, I see."
He laughed, low and deep, tightening his grasp on my waist.
"The most important thing I've learned about women, Sassenach, is which one to choose." He stepped away, bowing to me, and gesturing through the open doors to the brilliant scene inside. "May I have this dance, milady?"
I spent the next afternoon at the d'Arbanvilles', where I met the King's singing-master once again. This time, we found time for a conversation, which I recounted to Jamie after supper.
"You what?" Jamie squinted at me, as though he suspected me of pulling some practical joke.
"I said, Herr Gerstmann suggested that I might be interested in meeting a friend of his. Mother Hildegarde is in charge of L'Hôpital des Anges—you know, the charity hospital down near the cathedral."
"I know where it is." His voice was marked by a general lack of enthusiasm.
"He had a sore throat, and that led to me telling him what to take for it, and a bit about medicines in general, and how I was interested in diseases and, well, you know how one thing leads to another."
"With you, it customarily does," he agreed, sounding distinctly cynical. I ignored his tone and went on.
"So, I'm going to go to the hospital tomorrow." I stretched on tiptoe to reach down my medicine box from its shelf. "Maybe I won't take it along with me the first time," I said, scanning the contents meditatively. "It might seem too pushing. Do you think?"
"Pushing?" He sounded stunned. "Are ye meaning to visit the place, or move into it?"
"Er, well," I said. I took a deep breath. "I, er, thought perhaps I could work there regularly. Herr Gerstmann says that all the physicians and healers who go there donate their time. Most of them don't turn up every day, but I have plenty of time, and I could—"
"Stop repeating everything I say," I said. "Yes, plenty of time. I know it's important to go to salons and supper parties and all that, but it doesn't take all day—at least it needn't. I could—"
"Sassenach, you're with child! Ye dinna mean to go out to nurse beggars and criminals?" He sounded rather helpless now, as though wondering how to deal with someone who had suddenly gone mad in front of him.
"I hadn't forgotten," I assured him. I pressed my hands against my belly, squinting down.
"It isn't really noticeable yet; with a loose gown I can get away with it for a time. And there's nothing wrong with me except the morning sickness; no reason why I shouldn't work for some months yet."
"No reason, except I wilna have ye doing it!" Expecting no company this evening, he had taken off his stock and opened his collar when he came home. I could see the tide of dusky red advancing up his throat.
"Jamie," I said, striving for reasonableness. "You know what I am."
"You're my wife!"
"Well, that, too." I flicked the idea aside with my fingers. "I'm a nurse, Jamie. A healer. You have reason to know it."
He flushed hotly. "Aye, I do. And because ye've mended me when I'm wounded, I should think it right for ye to tend beggars and prostitutes? Sassenach, do ye no ken the sort of people that L'Hôpital des Anges takes in?" He looked pleadingly at me, as though expecting me to return to my senses any minute.
"What difference does that make?"
He looked wildly around the room, imploring witness from the portrait over the mantelpiece as to my unreasonableness.
"You could catch a filthy disease, for God's sake! D'ye have no regard for your child, even if ye have none for me?"
Reasonableness was seeming a less desirable goal by the moment.
"Of course I have! What kind of careless, irresponsible person do you think I am?"
"The kind who would abandon her husband to go and play with scum in the gutter!" he snapped. "Since you ask." He ran a big hand through his hair, making it stick up at the crown.
"Abandon you? Since when is it abandoning you to suggest really doing something, instead of rotting away in the d'Arbanvilles' salon, watching Louise de Rohan stuff herself with pastry, and listening to bad poetry and worse music? I want to be useful!"
"Taking care of your own household isna useful? Being married to me isna useful?" The lacing round his hair broke under the stress, and the thick locks fluffed out like a flaming halo. He glared down his nose at me like an avenging angel.
"Sauce for the gander," I retorted coldly. "Is being married to me sufficient occupation for you? I don't notice you hanging round the house all day, adoring me. And as for the household, bosh."
"Bosh? What's bosh?" he demanded.
"Stuff and nonsense. Rot. Horsefeathers. In other words, don't be ridiculous. Madame Vionnet does everything, and does it several dozen times better than I could."
This was so patently true that it stopped him for a moment. He glared down at me, jaw working.
"Oh, aye? And if I forbid ye to go?"
This stopped me for a moment. I drew myself up and looked him up and down. His eyes were the color of rain-dark slate, the wide, generous mouth clamped in a straight line. Shoulders broad and back erect, arms folded across his chest like a cast-iron statue, "forbidding" was precisely the word that best described him.
"Do you forbid me?" The tension crackled between us. I wanted to blink, but wouldn't give him the satisfaction of breaking off my own steely gaze. What would I do if he forbade me to go? Alternatives raced through my mind, everything from planting the ivory letter-opener between his ribs to burning down the house with him in it. The only idea I rejected absolutely was that of giving in.