Destined to Fall

His hand presses down on my lower back, and I feel his erection against my stomach. I’m in so much trouble. This is not how I imagined the conversation going, and now I feel like I’m being presented with a choice. By who, I don’t know. All I know is I want him, in every way I can have him. Even if all I’m willing to give myself is one night. I’m hoping that when most women believe one night with the object of their sexual fantasies can ‘curb’ their desires for that person, it’s at least in the realm of possibility. Because if it’s bogus, I’m completely screwed.

Although, I suspect that by considering this ludicrous idea, I’m already too far gone. The question is, which one will win out - my head or my heart? I barely have time to ponder it, when I realize that my head always wins. “As tempting as that seems, we both know it can’t happen, Kyler. You’re here with another woman, and to put it simply, you’ve just told me you want to fuck me.” I stop dancing, and take a step away. I need to take a breath, and think before I jump head first into something I’m going to regret. “But I see how this would work out for you. You get into my pants for a night and I face the possibility of losing my job for screwing my boss.”

“What? You think that’s what this is?” Kyler’s voice is incredulous, like I’m crazy.

“Yes,” I reply. “That’s exactly what this is, and as much as I’d like to believe one night with me would mean something to you, I can’t take that chance. My career, and my life are more important than some one night stand, even with you.”

Kyler’s face drops slightly before I turn my back on him in the middle of the dance floor and walk away. I head towards our table, where Quinn and Jarred are arguing again. Drew is nowhere to be found.

“I’m going home,” I tell Quinn. I pick my purse up from the table. “I’m coming with you,” Quinn replies.

“Quinn, wait,” Jarred pleads, bragging hold of her elbow.

“No, Jarred. This conversation is over, and until you pull your head out of your ass, so is our ‘relationship’.”

Without another word, Quinn spins on her heel and takes hold of my hand so I can follow her.

We leave the hotel, and slip into a cab as the events of tonight fill up the silence between us. Neither of us say anything until I hear Quinn’s sniffles next to me. “Are you okay?” I ask.

She shakes her head and wipes the tears from her face, but does’t say anything anything more until we’re back at our apartment.

I change into my sweats, and go in search of some good ol’ Ben & Jerry’s. When I walk into the kitchen, I see Quinn has already beaten me to it. I sit down next to her, and start eating the creamy, chocolatey goodness. The fact that it’s chocolate flavor means that Quinn is very upset about something. “I need to tell you something,” she says. Her voice is soft, but scratchy. She must’ve been crying while I was changing out of my evening dress and cleaning my face.

I take hold of her hand, and squeeze it gently, offering my silent support. “You can tell me anything,” I remind her.

“I’m sure you’ve noticed that Jarred and I have been fighting a lot,” she pauses, swallowing. I nod. “Well, it’s because he asked me to move in with him, and I’ve been avoiding it.”

My stomach drops. “Why?”

Quinn sniffles, and the tears start all over again. “Because I’m scared, and because I hate the thought of leaving you here alone.”

Diverting my gaze, I look down at where my hand holds Quinn’s. The truth is, I don’t want Quinn to make her decision based on me, and how she thinks I’m going to handle her leaving. I want her to be happy, and I would never dream of standing in the way of her life with Jarred.

“Quinny,” I say, looking back into her sad eyes. “Do you want to move in with him?”

She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and gives a small nod. “I love him,” she says, shrugging one shoulder.

“Wow,” I sigh. “That’s huge.”

“I know. I don’t know when it happened, but I guess between all the fooling around, and spending time with him, I fell in love.”

Her lip trembles. “Why are you so upset?” I ask.

“Because we were fighting about you.”

I frown. “About me?”

Her head bobs up and down, and she looks away. “He got angry because I said I won’t leave you alone, and then he accused me of not wanting to be with him.”

“You’re being silly, Quinn. If you want to move in with him, then don’t let me stop you. I want you to be happy. I’ll just start looking for another place to live.” If only it were that simple. I would never be able to afford a place like this on my own. But I can’t allow Quinn’s decision to move in with the man she loves be influenced by that.

“No,” she says, interrupting my thoughts. “I’ve already spoken to my parents, and they are more than happy to let you stay here as long as you want.” “I appreciate that, but I can’t accept the offer. I’ll start looking for a place of my own on Monday.”

“Are you sure, Cass?”

No, I’m anything but sure. I’m terrified. “Yes,” I lie. “I’m sure.”

Quinn hugs me and pulls back, giving me a sad smile. “You know it will always be the ‘Quinn and Cassey’ show, right?”

Smiling, I reply, “I know.” My throat tightens, but I bite back the innate urge to cry. I was hoping I’d have at least one more year before I had to worry about this, but as always, nothing in my life goes according to plan. And now, I can’t help but feel that everything is about to change.

∞

“Thank you,” I say to the other woman on the line. “I will be there at five to view the apartment.” With a quick good-bye, I put the phone back on it’s cradle and rest my head in the palms of my hands. It’s already Thursday, and after finding about about Quinn and Jarred a few days ago, I spent most of the week finding a place of my own to rent. The trouble is finding a place close enough to the office and within my limited budget.

So far, I’ve had little success, but I have one more place to see later today. I can’t even say that I’m excited, because I’m really not. But it is what it is, and change in itself can be scary. But I think about the girl who left the dusty old trailer park behind her after high school and traded it for a new life. That was scary too, and I survived. There’s no reason for me to be afraid now. I can do this.

The remainder of the day passes in a blur, and when I’m not thinking about my impending move, I’m thinking about Kyler, and the encounter we had at the party on Saturday. I expected to hear to from him, but instead I’ve been greeted by nothing but silence. I shouldn’t be surprised. I turned him down after he propositioned me and I’m sure that’s never happened to him before. I bet he suffered from a bruised ego for the same amount of time it took me and Quinn to hail a cab, and then remedied it by screwing someone else. Why I even care bothers me more than his silence.

The light knock on my door brings my attention back to the present, and I realize I’ve been sitting on the sofa in my office for the last two hours just staring out the window that overlooks the city. Quinn walks in, looking as stunning as ever in her off-the-shoulder knee length blue panel dress and black heels.