Desertion

“Don’t hide, Bell. I want to see how fucking perfect you are,” he whispers, holding both my hands in his beside my body. His face moves between my legs and my heart rate picks up.

“Jesse, I’ve never.” I look down at him, my nerves eating at me. It’s all too much, having him so close.

“I’ve got you, Bell,” he promises and I believe him. I swallow past my unease as his fingers squeeze my hand and his head descends.

“Oh, God.” The warmth of his tongue as he lightly touches my clit has my hips bucking in frenzy. His grip releases my hands and moves to my stomach, pushing me back to the bed.

“Keep still,” he says before running his tongue from my entrance to my clit in one slow lick. “Jesus Christ, woman, you fucking taste like Heaven.” He moans before feasting on me.

“Holy hell, don’t ever stop,” I beg, losing my head in the foreign bliss.

“I don’t plan to, sweetheart,” he vows, moving his tongue faster through my folds. My hands move to his head, my fingers wrapping around his hair, and pulling in satisfaction.

“Seriously, I don’t want this to end,” I hear myself proclaim as heat builds from my core.

“Hmmm.” His voice rumbles as my hands pull harder, my orgasm heading full speed ahead.

“Oh, God, I’m going to,” I pant, and my hips take over, moving in time with his mouth.

“Now,” His deep, rumbly voice orders before inserting a finger and pumping into me.

“Jesse,” I cry out and my orgasm explodes, pushing me over into the world that’s fast becoming my favorite place.

“Sweetheart, if I could sit and watch you come apart every day, I would die a happy man,” he murmurs, placing his soft, wet lips against the inside of my thigh, over my stomach, moving up to my chest over my neck and ending with my lips.

“See how you taste,” he says, darting his tongue into my mouth. The taste isn’t what I would call amazing, but the act is erotic enough to make me moan.

“I don’t know what to do with you, Bell.” He pulls back and rests his forehead to mine. “I feel like something is happening and I don’t understand it,” he confesses. Again, I get the sincere Jesse.

“I’m not doing anything special, Jesse.” I reach up and place my hands on either side of his face.

“But you are, don’t you see? My whole club can see.”

“See what?” I ask, at a loss.

“See that you make me want to be different. You make me need you,” he whispers, and I understand his fight. He just doesn’t realize that he doesn’t have to fight it. It’s not meant to be hard.

“Is it so bad for you to need someone, Jesse? Is it so bad you want me?”

Seventeen JESSE

“Is it so bad you want me?” She asks so innocently it’s almost laughable.

“Bad, no. Dangerous? Yes.” I pull out of her grasp and she falls back.

“What’s so dangerous about wanting someone, Jesse?” She comes up to her elbows and looks at me.

“Sweetheart, after everything you have been through, the last thing you need is me fucking with your life.”

“Then don’t fuck with me. Don’t hurt me, Jesse.” She sits up and connects her mouth to mine. But I need her to know it’s only inevitable. I push her back, and stand, needing distance.

“But I will. Trust me, Bell. As much as I fucking want this, as much as fighting it gets harder, I’m going to hurt you. I’ve never let anyone in like this, with you, it’s different. Hell, everything is different. I worry about how much I am going to hurt you, or worse, fuck up your life. I’m a bad person, Bell. I’ve fucked up more than you could imagine.” I feel my cock start to soften and I know this isn’t going to end the way I wanted. I needed to be inside of her, now. Not talking about this shit.

“What are you so afraid of, Jesse?

“I’m afraid you’ll be another person I fail.”

“I don’t believe that.” She shakes her head, and of course she doesn’t. Bell is so innocent; she can’t even see when the big bad wolf is banging on her door.

“You don’t have to believe it, sweetheart. I know it and that’s enough.”

“Jesse, I see you. I see you more than you think. I see you at the hospital, helping them down in the burns unit. I see the way you stepped up and offered to help me find Paige. The way you talk about your club. I see you, Jesse Carter. I see everything about you.”

“You see what I allow you to see, Bell. What I allow everyone to see.” I start to take my frustration out on her. She thinks she knows me, thinks she can see me, but I know better.

“You think you have everyone fooled?” She sits up and rights her dress. “You hide behind this fun-loving person, cracking your lame jokes. You don’t have me fooled, Jesse.”

“You should go,” I punch out as the walls start to close in around me. Fuck, why is she pushing this?

“I’m not going anywhere.” She squares her shoulders and I know she wants to have it out.

“I don’t want you here,” I sneer when I have nothing left to argue.

“Because I’m right? You want me to leave because I’m right.” She stands from the bed and moves closer.

“No, because you’re so wrong that I’m itching to show you just how fucked up I am,” I tell her and she shakes her head in disappointment. The disappointment is almost worse coming from her. Until I remember I live with it every day. Better to face it sooner rather than later.