Desertion

“Just fuck me, Jesse,” I tell him, more ready than I’ll ever be. I’ve come this far. I’m not that girl any more. I can handle this.

“I’m going to Hell for this,” he moans, before slowly moving. My discomfort is long gone, making me believe it’s going to be fine, but as he enters me harder with each thrust, I feel the burn start to build. “Fuck, this is wrong,” he says again, but for me, everything is telling me it’s right. His breathing starts to labor as his strokes become faster. More controlled.

“Jesus, Bell, I don’t think I’ve ever felt something so good,” he whispers in my ear, need and want rolls though me. His hand moves around to my front and finds my clit. His pace quickens and the heat I felt when he fingered me, comes back, only this time, I’m prepared.

“Fuck, I’m not gonna last, baby.” His voice cracks on the endearment making my stomach flutter. I don’t have a chance to think on his words before his movements become uncontrolled. Holding on, I focus on his finger and the circles he’s drawing against me.

“Fuck,” he says on a groan behind me, pumping into me harder, with longer strokes. Over and over. I want to say it’s amazing, but I would be lying. It’s hard to explain. The pleasure is there, dancing in front of me, teasing me, but the sting doesn’t quite let it take the lead.

Jesse’s groans grow louder, against the still air. One hand at my side, his fingers bite into the side of my skin, holding me steady as he thrusts, once, twice and a third time before coming to a complete stop. I keep still, my body aching in a strange mixture of excitement and fatigue while my pussy throbs with Jesse still inside of me. His fingers keep their rhythm, and now that he’s no longer moving inside of me, I can zone in on his touch, and let it take me over. “Come on, baby. I need you to come.” His hot breath almost pushes me over, but for some reason, I can’t get there. “Now, Bell,” he demands and it’s what I need to take me over. Heat blasts through me, pushing me into a state of bliss I never knew existed.

“Yes, yes,” I pant as my toes curl in an attempt to hold onto the intensity. This time the frenzy is over quicker, but it hits me with more force.

“That’s it, baby,” he encourages, still teasing me with his fingers. My orgasm slows, my world coming back to me.

“Oh, God,” I say when I get all five senses back.

“Jesus, Bell.” He groans as he slides out of me. I keep still, bent over at the waist, unsure how to proceed.

“Let me take care of the condom,” he says, giving me a chance to move, find my pants and step back into them. The light of the parking lot’s lamps shine bright, and now, under the white light I feel exposed. Shit, that really just happened. I feel the slight ache between my legs, but I push it out of my head when my eyes find Jesse stalking back to me.

“What the fuck, Bell?” His face tells the story of what I’m about to get.

“What?” I brace myself for his anger, willing myself not to cower.

“What? That’s all you have to say ‘what?’”

“It’s not a big deal, Jesse.” I try to brush it off, but by the look on his face, I can tell he’s not going to let it happen.

“Get on the damn bike,” he says, his features shutting down. Elation leaves my body and in its place dread forms. What did I just do?

“Jesse, just wait.” I reach for him but he shrugs me off.

“No, Bell, just get on the bike.” He climbs on, dismissing me. I don’t know what I was expecting when he found out I was a virgin, but it wasn’t this. I don’t make any more attempts to try to talk to him. Instead, I do as I’m told and get on the back of his bike. When he makes no attempt to wrap my arms around him, I know there’s no fixing anything tonight. If there was ever a time to wish for a do-over, it would be now.

Thirteen JESSE

Virgin.

A fucking virgin.

I try to focus on the road in front of me, but my head is lost in one single word and the meaning of it, and my cock’s lost in the knowledge I took it.

Fuck me. I just took her virginity.

How could I be so stupid?

When I said I was going to Hell, I should have said it was with a no return ticket. I'm an asshole for taking it, the way I took it, and the way I reacted.

Fucking hell.

I could have stopped as soon as I realized, as soon as she screamed out. Any decent man would have, but her tight heat encasing my cock when I was balls deep…there was no way I was willing to give it up. I should have realized when she came apart over my fingers, or before, when she freaked out that she wasn’t like other women I have been with. But I didn’t. I knew she wasn’t experienced, but I had no fucking clue she was a virgin. I was too busy thinking with my cock.

Fuck me.

“Can you drop me off around the corner?” she asks close to my ear.

“Why the hell would I do that?” I slow my bike so I can hear her answer.

“My parents will be home,” she explains and my guilt grows.

Jesus fuck.

I don’t respond. Just continue our journey in silence. A few minutes later, I pull up one street away from Bell’s house and wait for her to get off.

“Thanks for the ride,” she says, handing me back my spare helmet.

“Yep,” I reply, fully aware I’m still acting like an asshole. I just don’t know how else to act or how I feel.

“I…umm, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” She looks down at her feet. I know she needs something from me to show her that what just happened wasn’t a mistake, but I’m struggling to find a way to give it to her.