Deep (Stage Dive 4)

I was dubious.

My words were met with a chorus of boos and even some hissing. One individual who will remain unnamed (Lena) even went so far as to lob a Danish at my head. Pastries as projectiles … I never. Luckily I caught it before it could make contact. Cherry, yum.

“Okay, okay! Simmer down.” Good lawd, these ladies. And I use the term ladies loosely. “The truth is I don’t really know what’s going on with us.”

“Well, what do you think is going on with you two?” asked Anne, stealing half of my dessert. Girl was just lucky I loved her.

“Good question. Way I figure, there are several options.” I paused to nibble. Oh such golden buttery flaky evil goodness—my third for the day. Seemed my self-control had gone weak in all sorts of interesting areas. I’d better watch it or my ass would be twice the size of my belly. On the other hand, golden buttery flaky evil goodness made me so-o-o happy, and really, isn’t happiness what life is all about?

Bet they’d taste awesome with bacon on top.

“Continue,” said Ev, clapping her hands together in a queenly fashion. “Tell us everything.”

“Fine. One, I might be using him for sex,” I confessed, a pronouncement met by several oohs and ahhs, and several sly grins. “I can’t help it. The baby hormones have turned me into some sort of nympho and he’s so beautiful and hot and I would like to point out that he started it. I did not go after him this time. And honestly, you have no idea how good that beard feels. The sensation of all that silky, bristly hair rubbing against your inner thighs and—”

“Whoa!” Anne covered her ears. “Stop.”

“Sorry.”

“Man. Wish that whole nympho thing had happened to me,” said Lena. “I just got even more obsessed with pie. So unfair.”

“Hmm.”

“Lucky Jim’s a breast man. He’s like a kid at Christmas, playing with these cantaloupes. Can’t keep his hands off them.”

“They are damn impressive,” I said, wiping my hands on a napkin. “Mine are annoying the hell out of me. I don’t even usually bother with a bra, now that I suddenly have these apple-sized things hanging around. Not cool.”

“What’s option two in the you-and-Ben story?” asked Ev.

“Oh. Well, two, we might be going slow and trying to be boyfriend-girlfriend, but I don’t know. He has a bad habit of changing his mind when it comes to me.” I stared off into space, contemplating much but achieving little to no resolution. “Three, at the end of the day we’re going to be parents, and that has to come first, whatever happens. So obviously, by putting this at three, I’ve been listing things in ascending order or something. Anyway, if he smashes my heart to smithereens yet again, we might well have a problem. Therefore, my question—seeing as you’ve all insisted on coming this far with me—is should I even be attempting anything beyond friendship with this man?”

“He smashed your heart to smithereens?” Ev’s eyes got glossy. “That’s terrible.”

“I had … I have a lot of feelings for him. Each time he chose to not take things further with me, it hurt.” I slumped back in my chair, relaxing, giving my full belly a chance to get with the digesting. “Ugh, boys suck. Such is life. What can you do?”

“Spoken like a true psychology student,” said Ev with a smile.

“Thank you.”

The blonde gave her ponytail a tug. A cute nervous trait. “I’m sorry you got hurt. I should probably never have given you his number. I knew he didn’t date.”

“Don’t,” I chided her. “I was a little obsessed with him, truth be told. One way or another I would have seen him again. He just gets to me. I didn’t even think I had a type, but somehow he’s it, from top to toe.”

“He still should have thought of what he wanted, long before he came near you with his sperm.” Anne’s eyes narrowed in that deadly familiar way.

“Do you love him?” asked Lena, head tipping to the side.

I stared at the ceiling, my mind in a whirl. “Ah, like I said, I have feelings for him.”

“Are those feelings love?”

“I don’t want to answer that question.”

“No?” Ev set her cup back on the table, setting her elbows on her knees.

I was surrounded. Encircled by well-meaning friends. Now I got it, why Anne was so taken with these girls. They were authentic, kind, and funny. And while it was nice, knowing their questions came from concern, I squirmed in my seat at the thought of airing mine and Ben’s slightly soiled if not completely rank and feral laundry. I barely had a handle on the situation between us in my head, and by “barely” I mean not really at all.

“Because I’m not ready,” I told the crystal chandelier hanging above our heads. Sunlight reflected on the walls, prisms splitting the white light into small slices of rainbows. Beautiful.

“No need to rush,” said Anne, grabbing for my hand. “Slow.”

“Slow,” I agreed.

The suite’s door pushed open and Jimmy and Ben strode in, both dripping sweat. Basketball shorts hung low on Ben’s hips. He’d removed his T-shirt and was using it to mop his face.

“Hi, babe.” Lena held a hand up and Jimmy grabbed it, leaning over the back of her chair to kiss her cheek.

“Cute T-shirt. How’re my girls doing?” he asked, sliding a hand down to cover her belly.

“We’re all good. Taking it easy, just like the doctor ordered.”

“Girls?” Ev’s eyes lit up like twin full moons.

“Oops. Secret’s out,” laughed Lena.

“A baby girl! That’s so exciting.”

No response from Lena, on account of her being busy trading spit with Jim. Whoa, they were really going for it. I wasn’t so certain her obsession with pie was the only hormone enhancement.

“Hey.” Ben kneeled beside my chair, sweaty shirt slung over one thick shoulder. His smile was all for me. It melted my insides, turning me to mush. What terrible power he had over me. The man should be ashamed of himself.

“Hi.” I smiled. “Good workout?”

“Yeah, Dave even tagged along. It was fun.”

Like a dinner bell had been rung, Ev jumped to her feet. Pavlov’s dogs couldn’t have been better trained. “Which means my hot husband’s in the shower. Later guys.”