Death's Excellent Vacation (Sookie Stackhouse 9.5)

I hesitated, because I was afraid. "Give it to me, " I said. We were parked at the very back of the lot, right by the kudzu. I hoped it wouldn't take Pam's car while we were inside. Pam reached under the seat and drew out a revolver. "Point and shoot, " she said, shrugging. "Eric got it for you specially. He says it is called a Ruger LCP. It fires six shots, and there's one in the chamber. " It was about as big as a cell phone. Good God Almighty. "What if I need to reload?" "If you have to shoot that much, we are dead. " I got that feeling that had become familiar since I'd started hanging with vampires; the feeling that says, How the hell did I get into this? If you examined the process step by step, you could see how it had happened; but when you looked at where you'd ended up, you just had to shake your head. I was walking into a very dubious situation, and Eric thought I needed a gun. "Hey, at least we'll match the decor, " I said at last. Pam looked blank. "Blondes, " I said helpfully. "Us. " She almost smiled. We got out of the car. I tucked the gun in the small of my back, and Pam checked to make sure it was covered by my fitted black jacket. I never looked as put-together as Pam, but since we'd been going to a show and then out, I'd worn my good black pants and a blue and black knit top with long sleeves. The jacket didn't look ridiculous, since the temperature had fallen into the forties. Pam pulled on her white trench coat and belted it tightly around her waist, and then off she went. I trotted along behind her, second-guessing myself every step of the way. Pam knocked once on the employee entrance. After a pause, the door opened, and I saw that the male holding it was a vampire. Not Michael, though, if I was any judge at all. This male had only been a vampire for a few years. He had a Mohawk, colored green and gelled to a high crest on his otherwise bald head. I tried to imagine going through the centuries like that, and I thought I might throw up. "We're here to see Michael, " Pam said, her voice especially cool and regal. "We're expected. " "You the ladies from Shreveport?" "We are. " "There's a lot going on here tonight, " he said. "You going to try out after you talk to Michael? I'm in charge of the tryouts. " He was proud of that. "Just come right to this door when you're ready. " He pointed at a door to the right that had a hand- lettered sheet of typing paper taped to it. Straggly letters spelled DANCERS IN HERE. We didn't say anything to that, and he cast a glance back at us that I couldn't read. "Let me see if the boss is ready, " Mohawk said. When he'd knocked and been admitted through a door on the left, Pam said, "I can't believe they let someone so deficient answer the door. In fact, I can't believe anyone bothered to turn him. I think he's slow. " Mohawk popped back out of the door as quickly as he'd popped in. "He's ready for you, " he said, which I found an ominous way to put it.

Pam and I followed his sweeping gesture, which led into an unexpectedly luxurious office. Michael believed in treating himself well. The room was carpeted in dark blue and topped with a lovely Persian-style rug in cream, blue, and red. The furniture was dark and polished. The contrast with the bare corridor was almost painful. Michael himself was a short, broad blond with a distinct Slavic look. Russian, maybe. A dull throb underlay all the polish of his office, and I realized the throb, which I'd been aware of since I entered the building, was the sound of the music playing in the club. The bass was turned up all the way. It was impossible to tell what the song was, not that the lyrics were the point. "Ladies, be seated, please, " Michael said. He gestured toward the two very impressive guest chairs in front of his desk. He had a heavy accent and a bad suit. He was smoking. It smelled just as bad when a vampire did it. Of course, he wouldn't suffer any consequences. An open bottle of Royalty Blended was on the desk by the ashtray. "This is my associate, Rudy, " Michael told us. Rudy was standing behind Michael. He was the human I'd come to read. He was slim and black-haired, with an extensively scarred face. He looked as if he was eighteen, but I figured he was at least ten years older than that. He gave off a very strange mental signature. Maybe he wasn't completely human. Everyone I know has a brain pattern: Humans have one kind, weres of all sorts have another, fairies are opaque but identifiable, and vampires leave a sort of void. Rudy didn't fall into any of those categories. "You can leave, " Michael said to Mohawk, his voice contemptuous. "Go back to organize the tryouts. We'll be there soon. " Mohawk backed out of the room, pulling the door closed behind him. The noise level abruptly dropped, thank God. The boss's office was soundproofed. But the drumbeat was pulsing in my head, and I swore I could feel it through my feet even if I couldn't hear it any longer. "Please let me offer you a drink, " Michael said, smiling at both of us. Rudy decided to smile, too. His teeth were very sharp; in fact, they were pointed. Okay, half-human at most. I was suddenly and deeply frightened. The last time I'd seen teeth like that, they'd bitten bits out of me. "You've never met anyone like Rudy?" Michael asked. He was looking directly at me. I'm good at schooling my face. Telepaths learn that lesson early in life, or they don't survive, is my guess. How had he known? "I sense your pulse speeding up, " Michael said charmingly, and I knew I didn't like him at all. "Rudy is a rarity, aren't you, my darling one?" Rudy smiled again. It was just as bad the second time. "Half human and half what?" Pam said. "Elf, I suppose. The teeth are a giveaway. " "I've seen teeth like that before, " I said, "on fairies who'd filed them to look that way. " "Mine are natural, " said Rudy. His voice was surprisingly deep and smooth.

"What can I get you to drink?" "Some blood, please, " Pam said. She loosened her coat and leaned back in the chair. "Nothing for me, thank you. " I didn't want to drink anything Rudy had touched. I hoped the human-elf hybrid would leave the room to get Pam's drink, but instead he turned and bent down to a little refrigerator to extricate a bottle of Royalty Blended, a premium drink that mixed synthetic blood with a large dash of the real blood of certified royalty. He popped the top off the bottle and put it in a microwave sitting atop a low filing cabinet. There were odds and ends on top of the microwave: a bottle opener, a corkscrew, a few straws in paper wrappers, a small paring knife, a folded towel. Quite the home away from home. "So, you come from Eric? How is the North man?" Michael asked. "We were together in St. Petersburg at one time. " "Eric is flourishing under our new ruler. He wishes you well. He's heard good things about your club, " Pam said, which was outrageous flattery and almost certainly untrue. Unless there was a lot below the surface, this was a sleazy little club catering to sleazy little people. The microwave dinged. Rudy, who'd been fiddling with the items on top of the microwave, took the drink out, putting one of his thumbs over the open top of the bottle so he could shake it gently. Not the most hygienic way of doing the job, but since vampires almost never get ill, that wouldn't make any difference to Pam. He came around the desk to hand the bottle to her, and she accepted it with a nod of her head. Michael picked up his own bottle and raised it. "To our mutual venture, " he said, and they both drank. "Are you truly interested in having a further discussion with our new masters?" she asked. She took another sip, a longer one. "I am considering it, " Michael said slowly, his accent even heavier. "I am tired of Russell, though we share a liking of men. " Russell liked men as fish like water. I'd been in his mansion, and it was full of guys who ranked from cute to cuter. "However, unlike Russell, I also like women, and women like me. " Michael gave us an unmistakable leer. This woman didn't like him. I glanced at Pam, who also enjoyed sex with either gender, to see her reaction. To my dismay, her cheeks were red--really red. I was so used to her milky pallor I found the effect shocking. She looked down at the bottle in her hand. "This was poisoned, " she said slowly, almost slurring her words. "What did you put in it, elf?" Rudy's smile became even more disagreeable. He held his hand up so we could see the cut in his thumb. He'd put his own blood into the Royalty Blended. The human blood had disguised the taste. "Pam, what's this going to do to you?" I asked, as if the men weren't there. "Elf blood isn't intoxicating like fairy blood, but . . . It's like taking a huge tranquilizer or having lots of alcohol. " Her speech was even slower. "Why have you done this?" I asked Michael. "Don't you know what will happen to you?" "I know how much Eric will pay me to get you two back, " Michael said. He was leaning forward over the desk, his expression one of sheer greed. "And while he's getting the ransom together, Rudy will be drawing up a paper about your mission in coming here, which you and the vampire will sign. That way, when we return you to Eric, he can't retaliate. If anything happens to us, Russell will have the ammunition to start a war. Your new masters will be quick to dispose of Eric if he causes a war. " Michael was as deep a thinker as he was charming. That was to say, not at all. "Do you have something personal against Eric, or are you always this double-dealing?" Keep 'em talking while Pam got in a little recovery time. "Oh, always, " he said, and he and Rudy laughed. They were certainly two peas in the same pod; they were relishing my anxiety and Pam's intoxication. "Stand up, Pam, " I said, and she laboriously worked her way to her feet.