Dead to You

“What did I keep inside it?” I ask Mama, but I give Gracie a sidelong glance that makes her fume. She knows I’m trying to figure out what’s in hers.

“I don’t know,” Mama says. “Probably your lunch. Or maybe your treasures.”

“I want to know what my treasures were so I can know what Gracie hides in her lunch box,” I say, laughing. “I suppose I liked those movies too.”

“You were obsessed. You and your Dad watched them over and over.”

I ask Gracie, “Are you obsessed with Star Wars too?”

“Huh?”

“Do you like to watch the Star Wars movies a lot?”

“Nope,” she says. “I never even seen ’em.”

“Maybe we can watch one together sometime, because I sure don’t remember them,” I say.

“See, we’re the same,” she says. I love her logic. And I think maybe that’s why I actually like the kid so much. She’s about where I was when I left off. It’s like I can relive my missing years at her level or something.

We play a few games of Chutes and Ladders. After a while Mama goes to take a nap. Gracie and I hang out having a contest, trying to make the goofiest face. The kid sure likes sticking her fingers in her nose. It’s a good distraction.

Blake doesn’t come out.

“What do you think Blake does in his room all the time?” I ask Gracie after a while.

“He plays on the ’puter.”

“Oh.” The computer in Blake’s room was supposed to be for both of us to share, but when he threw my stuff out, he didn’t hand that over, so basically it’s all his. “What does he do on the computer?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. He doesn’t let me come in. Only stand in the hallway and peek in.”

“Maybe he’s a mad scientist creating a robot that will rule the world,” I say.

“That’s dumb. Play elevator with me.”

I groan. I’m tired of playing. She stands on my knees and holds my hands and bounces a little until I bend my knees and she goes up in the air. “What did you do before I was here to play with you?”

She grins and says, “I was waiting for you.”

CHAPTER 40

It’s all good, Cami texts.

Finally. I almost drop the phone trying to type fast. Really? He’s not going to kill me? Can you come over later?

I’ll try. I miss you.

Oh, hell. That kills me, it really does.

I fall asleep with my clothes on, waiting. When I wake up, my alarm clock is blaring. It’s morning.

When I see her walking to the bus stop early, I grab my coat and backpack and head out. We’re the first ones there.

“Nice plan,” I say. “I missed you.” We stand with our backs to the house, a noticeable space between us.

“I was hoping you were watching. We’re so sneaky.” Cami grins. “Sorry about last night. Too much homework and I didn’t realize how late it was, and then I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“Are you okay? I mean, about Jason?” I hate saying his name.

“Yeah, it’s weird. But it’s fine.” She shrugs. “He didn’t even take it very hard.”

“Bastard,” I say before I realize I should be glad.

She squints at me and smiles. “You’re sweet. I like you. Wanna make out?”

I laugh. “Right now?”

“I’m kidding. We should still keep it quiet. Give it a week or so. You think?”

“Yeah,” I say, and I’m relieved. I don’t want to be the guy that messed around with J-Dog Roofer’s girlfriend . . . even though I am. That would not work out in my favor. “Does he know about me?”

“No. I just told him what I’d been thinking for weeks.”

“Which is . . . ?”

“That I’m tired of being his girlfriend only when he runs out of other things to do.”

Other students have drifted over and we don’t say much, but when we sit together on the bus as usual, Cami sits so close to me I can’t even concentrate. She just listens to her playlist, being all sexy, and I look out the window, thinking about how the last time I rode this bus, I didn’t stand a chance.

It’s amazing how everything can change just like that.

At school, I know I won’t see Cami, because I never do, but I look for her anyway. And, of course, I don’t have any trouble finding J-Dog. But we haven’t actually talked since his apology, and I think he’s figured out that no matter how cool he is, he’s never going to get me to go to another basketball game again in my entire life. So at least he’s smart enough to give up on me.

I watch him walk around school being all jock and joking around with his friends and flirting with other girls, and he doesn’t even look sad. He looks exactly the same. And I think about Cami, how I’d feel if she dumped me, and I can’t even imagine it. I definitely wouldn’t be walking around like nothing happened.

The best part of the day is when I walk out of school after the bell rings and there’s no J-Dog making out with Cami by the bus. She’s standing there, though, hair flipped to one side, backpack over one shoulder. Waiting. Waiting for me.

It’s a good week. Midterms keep Cami and me both busier than we want to be, and I have extra punishment chores like cleaning out the garage, which has got to be the worst job ever. The garage floor is disgusting. Big stalactites of filthy slush build up behind the car wheels and drop off, getting smashed again when the car goes out—Gracie calls it car poop. I shovel it up and toss it all on the side of the house.