Crossing the Mirage:Passing Through Youth

What with that very thought repulsing him, he ceased to think about it. But, as his habit took over, soon he resumed his soliloquy in melancholy

"Why then it would be the same old story of misery to my progeny and me, not to speak of my wife,‟ he began to think. "And burdened, I shall live with guilt for the rest of my life. No, I shan't allow that to happen. No way. What about being unmarried? Well, it's not always that some Prathima would find her way into my life. Why won't I get fed up being single sooner than later like my sister? Well, won't I need a relationship that only a wife can provide? I need a wife, yes, but children, no. Is it in any way possible that I can have the cake and eat it too?‟

And contemplating on this, he racked his brains all night and hit upon a brainwave at length.

"What if I opt for pre-nuptial vasectomy?‟ he thought in relief. "Can't I manage that though the law prohibits it? What can't be done with money and manipulation in this world?‟

As his thoughts turned to his bride-to-be, his conscience was seized by his qualms.

"Oh, it won't be fair to her,‟ he thought. "Any woman would want to be a mother, is it not so? What's worse, being barren for no fault of hers, she might even feel inadequate all her life. And won't that make it worse for me morally speaking? And if ever the cat were to be out of the bag, it would be hard on our relationship too. No welcome prospect, either way. That's not workable anyway, so I'm back to square one. Well, let me think about that when it's time to cross the bridge.‟

The realization that even ingenuity cannot find ways to impact certain facts of life made him morose. Affected as he was, he turned lukewarm to Prathima's charms, though she warmed up to him by going out of her way in every way. When he finally ceased meeting her altogether, she felt sad for both of them.

"Can't I understand his hurt?‟ she reasoned. "He too should've appreciated my situation. Oh, how the best of relationships skate but on thin ice. But was it not a satisfied life with him as along as it lasted? Now let me get on with my life as he would be getting on with his.‟

While she had to put her pimp back into circulation for solicitations, Chandra continued to remain embittered. Soon, however, to console himself in solitude, in the evenings, he began frequenting the Public Garden. Even as the ambiance of the place brought back the post-Kamathipura equanimity to his harassed soul, wading through the sprawling park to abandon himself to hope became his pastime. However, as though to aid his solitude, he spotted a secluded spot, and in that nook that he began to nurse his hope of his future wife.