Connected

When I lay back down, she rests her head against mine. Settling onto the pillow, she kisses just under my jaw. “Want to talk about it?”

“No. I can’t even remember what it was about,” I lie because I remember it well. I’ve been having these dreams almost every night for the past week, ever since I bought her engagement ring.

“You sure?”

Inhaling deeply, I push back the dread that makes its way up my throat. I don’t need to answer her. I’d rather show her I’m okay. I look over to her, she is on the left side of the bed, and I think about how much I love that we don’t care what side we fall asleep on as long as we’re together. Running my still slightly trembling hand down her back, I roll her on top of me.

A small smile quirks at the corners of her lips as she says, “Are you sure you even had a bad dream? Or did you just want to have sex in the middle of the night?” She leans her head down to my mouth and runs her nose over my stubbled jawline. I inhale her citrus scent; feeling thankful she is here with me.

I give her a small laugh and wish that were true as I brush strands of her hair out her face. “I didn’t think I had to fake a bad dream to have sex with you. But now that you mention it, I certainly like the idea. And I figure since we’re both up, why not?”

Connecting my lips with hers, I roll her to my side. Sucking on her neck, I roll my tongue along her skin as my hand glides up the inside of her thigh. Slipping my fingers inside her, a small moan escapes her lips as her body bows up, preparing for what I hope to be able to give her forever.

I had to approach the subject cautiously. I knew she had to go back there to see the place itself wasn’t a symbol of death. Yes, death had claimed her father too soon, but The Greek was the place where he enjoyed life to the fullest. It was where they both loved to be together, connected by their passion for music, concerts, and all that came with it.

I feel that before I can ask her to move forward with me in life, she has to accept her past. The fact that she refuses to go back there tells me she hasn’t. My father used to say that scars are the roadmaps to one’s soul, but her soul is beautiful and I don’t need a roadmap to find it; I am able to reach it every day that we’re together. What bothers me is what he said about scars that can’t be seen—the emotional ones. We all have them but hers are deep. Hers are from having endured a lifetime of sorrow; from being cut at such a young age. I want to be the one to help her heal those wounds. This is why I want to take her back there. It’s not only so she can see my band perform, although of course I want her to be there. It’s more for her and for the benefit of our relationship as it moves forward. But, I know I can’t help her with the scars his death left on her. I can’t even talk about him with her. I know it’s wrong and I try, I really do. I just can’t. I hate him and can’t get past that. I can only hope that loving her enough and being there for her has already started the healing process for those open wounds.

I was reluctant at first when Xander told me he arranged for The Wilde Ones to perform at The Greek. Yes, it was definitely a great opportunity for the band to preview some of the songs from our new album, but I wasn’t sure if I could get Dahlia to go. Then I realized this was my opportunity to bring her back there and make it a happy place for her, once again. Also, if truth be told, I want her there with me to kick off this tour, especially since I’m not really into it. Trying but failing miserably at coming up with the right way to persuade her, I decided to call Grace and ask her to meet me for lunch. I thought about calling Serena since she and Dahlia talk almost every day, but decided Grace was the better choice since she knows Dahlia so well and they are so much alike.

Meeting his mother to ask for advice seems odd but feels right at the same time. Asking her to lunch, I had to put aside the he was her son because in Dahlia's eyes, Grace is like a mother to her, ever since she lost her own. I just had to forget about him and what I know and push away my feelings like I’ve done since I saw his picture at her house.

On my way to the restaurant, I stopped by Dahlia's house to check on it. She still owns it. She’s gotten a few offers but none close to her asking price, so she’s refused them all. I don’t want to push her, but I know her refusals aren’t based on money. I think she is just having a hard time letting go of it, so I haven’t pushed her.

I arrived at Caffe Riace before Grace and asked for an outdoor table. I knew, just like Dahlia, Grace loved being outside.

So now I’m sitting outside in the late afternoon under a green umbrella wishing I hadn’t left my sunglasses in the car. I’m blinking the bright sun out of my eyes as I type out a text to Dahlia.

Just thought you should know how hot you looked this am in those boots I love so much. BTW not sure I’m crazy about you wearing them to meet with your first client. I love you.

Her response is immediate.

LOL since my first client is a 50 yr old woman I don’t think u have anything to worry about. BTW even if I were meeting

Adam Levine you'd have nothing to worry about. I love you more. <3 :-*

I laugh to myself. I love her more than she could possibly ever know, but we have fun debating who loves whom more. There is a shadow blocking the sun as I sit here just grinning. Before I can respond to Dahlia's text, I look up and see Grace approaching. She reaches the table and unbuttons her jacket as I stand and give her a kiss. I pull out her chair and she has a seat. She sets her purse on the table and immediately puts her napkin on her lap.

We order lunch, and the waiter brings our drinks. I decide to first tell her about my upcoming proposal. Her reaction is pure happiness, as if Dahlia is truly her own daughter. She even sheds a few joyful tears as she congratulates me and gives me her blessing. Once our food arrives, we talk about my upcoming tour and the impact it will have on Dahlia’s new photography business. I explain to her that Dahlia didn’t take a heavy load of clients who needed album covers worked and completed during the duration of the tour. The ones she did offer to style and photograph for she plans to fly back to LA to complete the jobs.

Finishing my sandwich, I push my plate aside and rest my hands on the table. “Grace,” I say as she looks up at me. “I’m hoping you can give me some advice.”

“Of course River, you know you can ask me anything.”

“Well it’s about Dahlia’s parents, her dad really. My band is going to be performing at The Greek in a few weeks and I really want her there. Not just to see us perform but because I think she needs to go back to see it’s a happy place. I want her to see it’s still the same place where she found happiness with her father before he died, and maybe if she does, she’ll let some of her demons go.”

She finishes her salad and sets her fork down, wiping the corner of her mouth. “River, that is so special. I think you simply need to tell her how you feel, how much you want her there with you. She’ll go, knowing how important it is to you. I know she will. She loves you so much.”

The waiter clears the table, and Grace orders a cup of tea. You see River, I think it’s just the anticipation of going back there that frightens her. She’s been afraid to be surrounded by so many memories of all those special times with her father. But knowing how much she loves you and how you make her feel so safe; I believe she’s ready to confront her past. I think she’ll come to see The Greek as a happy place once again if she goes. And yes, I do think it will help her put some of her ghosts to rest.”

I absorb all she’s telling me; as she speaks I think how simple it all is. Inside my beautiful amazing girl there still lives a scared teenager who lost her parents, her family. I can help heal her remaining scars simply by making her feel safe going back there because I’ll be with her through it all. Maybe this time she can do it, and her happy memories will come flooding back, washing away the sad ones.

The drive to The Greek was quiet. I held her hand as she fidgeted the whole way there. I knew she was nervous, and so was I. Not because I was performing, but for her. After meeting with Grace, I'd waited a few days and then, just as she had suggested, I asked Dahlia straight out to go with me to The Greek. She was hesitant at first but didn’t say no. I simply explained to her that Xander had arranged the gig to help straighten out some contract issues involving the band’s upcoming and that I really needed and wanted her to be there with me. That was true, just not entirely the reason. After thinking about it for only a moment, she reluctantly agreed. I even arranged for Aerie, Grace, Serena, and Trent to sit with her.

Once we arrived, her doubts passed immediately. This was evident on her face and in the color of her eyes. It was like watching a child at an amusement park. As we walked through the gates and into the place she had once visited so many times with her father, I knew happy memories were forefront in her mind, pushing the sad ones aside.

Now, lying together on our bed, I can only smile that we took that step together. I look at her and run my fingers over her bare stomach while we kiss. She smiles and pulls me closer to her. As we lay here in each other’s arms, she thanks me again for taking her back to The Greek. She laughs as she reminisces about the all the concerts she saw there with her dad.

When she’s finished, I lean in to kiss her as my hand gently rubs circles down her back. “Thank you for agreeing to go back there. I know it wasn’t easy for you, but I thought you needed to go, and it was important to me that you be there for our kick-off show.”

As I gently press kisses against her mouth, she moans against my lips. “I know, and I’m so glad I went. You were amazing; The Greek was just as amazing as I remember it. The whole night has been truly amazing.”

I pull back to look at her lovingly. “Dahlia, you’re the amazing one, and I’d do anything for you. I want you to be happy, always.”

She doesn’t say anything else; she just crashes her lips to mine as her fingers knot into my hair. I respond instantly. My hands wander up her n*ked body, touching each rib, sliding along the curve of each breast until they meet her hands in my hair where I clutch them and pull them down to our sides, holding her tightly, just for a moment.

I love her so much and I want to not only show her, but also tell her just how much. Letting go of her hands, I softly trail my fingers back up her body, playfully teasing her along the way, but stopping at her heart to trace it. I can feel the goosebumps form on her skin as I lower my head down to kiss the line I just etched. “I love you.”

I kiss my way back up to her lips and gently cup her chin. I look into her eyes and tell her exactly how I feel. “Dahlia, I will love you forever.” Then I kiss her and finish telling her my thoughts. “In this lifetime and in the next.”

She clutches my face, and I see the love and desire in her slightly hooded eyes. “River, I love you. So much.”

I smile at her and have one more thing I want to tell her. “You are everything I have ever dreamed about, you are my dreams.” I see tears welling in her eyes, and I don’t want them to spill so I kiss her softly, deeply, pouring all of my love into this kiss. Her head falls back further into the pillow and her breathing picks up. I know what that means and I can’t hold back any longer. I want nothing more than to be buried deep inside her, to feel our bodies as one, our souls forever connected.

The feel of her lips as she drags them down my jaw, along my neck to my chest makes me shiver with need. Tracing circles along the inside of her thighs I slip one finger inside of her, feeling her wetness and I know she’s so ready for me. I tease her a bit as I gently circle around, in and out, until she can’t take it any longer. “River,” she cries out as she arches her back, her breathing quick and shallow, her eyes now shut. “Please, I want to feel you inside me, make love to me.” As I easily slip myself inside her, her arms lace around my neck and her legs wrap around my body pulling me even closer and I know this is exactly where I always want to be.