Confession

Subsequent reflection, while it showed me the brutality of my

conduct to Julia, opened my eyes to the true meaning of her mother's

interdiction; and increased the pang of those bitter feelings,

which my conscious dependence had awakened in my breast, it was

necessary that this dependence should be lessened; that, as I was

now approaching manhood, I should cast about for the future, and

adopt wisely and at once the means of my support hereafter. It was

necessary that I should begin the business of life. On this head

I had already reflected somewhat, and my thoughts had taken their

direction from more than one conference which I had had with William

Edgerton. His father was an eminent lawyer, and the law had been

adopted for his profession also. I determined to make it mine;

and to speak on this subject to my uncle. This I did. I chose an

afternoon, the very week in which my conversation had taken place

with Julia, and, while the dinner things were undergoing removal,

with some formality requested a private interview with him. He looked

round at me with a raised brow of inquiry--nodded his head--and

shortly after rose from the table. My aunt stared with an air of

supercilious wonder; while poor Julia, timid and trembling, barely

ventured to give me a single look, which said--and that was enough

for me--"I wish I dared say more."

My conference with my uncle was not of long duration. I told

him it was my purpose--my desire--to begin as soon as possible to

do something for myself. His answer signified that such was his

opinion also. So far we were agreed; but when I told him that it

was my wish to study the law, he answered with sufficient, and as

I thought, scornful abruptness:-"The law, indeed! What puts the law into your head? What preparations

have you made to study the law? You know nothing of languages which

every lawyer should know--Latin--"

I interrupted him to say that I had some slight knowledge of

Latin--sufficient, I fancied, for all legal purposes.

"Ah! indeed! where did you get it?"

"A friend lent me a grammar and dictionary, and I studied myself."

"Oh, you are ambitious; but you deceive yourself. You were never

made for a lawyer. Besides, how are you to live while prosecuting

your studies? No, no! I have been thinking of something for you,

Edward--and, just now, it happens fortunately that old Squire

Farmer, the bricklayer, wants some apprentices--"

I could scarcely listen thus far.

"I thank you, sir, but I have no disposition to be a bricklayer."