Collide

It was scary but not nearly as much as he would have thought.

“Do you know how hard it is for me to keep my hands off you?” Noah kissed the back of his neck before pressing his teeth in.

Cooper shivered. Damn he loved the feel of Noah marking his skin. “About as hard as it is for me to keep mine off you?”

“Harder.” Noah kissed him again. Then Noah was pulling him toward the bank. When they got there, he went straight to his knees, pulling Cooper’s cock free and wrapping his lips around him.

“You are so good at that.” He gripped Noah’s hair as the other man sucked him off. It didn’t take long for him to shoot his release to the back of Noah’s throat.

When he tried to do the same for Noah, he wouldn’t let him.

“You can owe me. Don’t worry. I won’t let the debt go unpaid.” He smiled. “That was just for you.”

“Sucking your cock would be for me, too.”

Noah’s face flushed with what Cooper recognized as desire. Still he said, “Later.”

They cleaned up their supplies and headed back to the truck. Cooper couldn’t remember a time he’d laughed and had so much fun as they did that night. They went to dinner again before watching some sports on TV. They drank a few beers and talked about when they were kids, and all the hell they used to raise together.

When they went to bed, Noah wrapped himself around Cooper, holding him. They kissed and touched, Cooper just enjoying the feel of all the planes of Noah’s body. Noah kissed his forehead. “No sex tonight.” Then his lips. “And no complaining.” His lips pressed down on Cooper’s chest next. “Because I’ll give in, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

Cooper laughed, pulling Noah down so he rested all of his weight on Coop before closing his eyes and going to sleep.

“Daddy! Where’s Dad?” Cooper yelled. His whole body burned. His throat and chest hurt. And it was so hot. So hot he felt like he was cooking.

“Go, Coop. I need you to go.” His mom flinched, as the heavy beam shifted on top of her.

Tears Flooded down Cooper’s face as his mom started crying too.

“I love you, kiddo. Just go. Now.”

“I don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave you!”

“Cooper, baby. Wake up. You’re dreaming.”

Noah’s voice pulled him out of the past. His whole body shuddered as Noah pulled him closer. Flipped them so Noah laid on his back, partially sitting up, with Coop lying between his legs. His head rested on Noah’s stomach as he fought to catch his breath. Goddamned dream. He didn’t want to taint their time here. Didn’t want to ruin it with the past that Cooper couldn’t seem to let go.

“Shh. It’s okay. I’m here. It was just a dream.” Cooper relaxed into Noah as the man stroked his hair.

“It’s been twenty years. Why can’t I get over it, Noah?” His voice cracked on his lover’s name. It made Cooper feel weak. He hated that.

“Because they were your parents. Because you still haven’t forgiven yourself for living.”

“I left her. I could have saved her, at least.”

“No.” He continued running his fingers through Cooper’s hair. “You couldn’t have. You were a child. You did what your mom told you to do. What she wanted you to do. You would have died, too. You couldn’t have saved them, baby.” Noah tilted his head up, so Cooper looked at him, the moon giving them enough light to see. “You didn’t run. You didn’t leave them. You lived and that takes a whole lot of strength. It was the right thing to do.”

Fuck, he wanted that to be true. Wanted Noah’s words to be carved into stone, into his past, so maybe, he could believe it. “Was it the right thing? Vernon always pushed me to be strong. To be a man. If I would have been stronger then—”

“Fuck that, Coop. Did he tell you that?” Noah’s whole body was stone beneath him.

“No.” He didn’t have to. I know he thought it. Vernon always did the right thing. He was always strong.

“It’s not your fault, baby.” Noah’s thumb brushed his cheek. “You are the strongest person I know. Even being here with me; that’s so fucking strong, Coop. God, when we were kids, I looked up to you, so much. You were this light in the darkness, this bright spot that always made everything better. When you spoke, people listened. Everyone loved you. They still do. Why can’t you see all that you are? When I left, that was what kept me going. You’d been through so much more than me, but you kept going. I wanted so fucking badly to be just like you.”