Cocky Bastard

Eddie interrupted my thoughts. “Let me ask you this. What if you found out this chick was out there somewhere still single? Don’t you think what you had is worth risking disappointment for a shot at a second chance?”

Before I could answer, the long, slow creak of the prison cell door opening echoed through the halls.

I looked at Eddie. “I guess this is it.”

He hugged me, patting my back. “When you start to feel down, think about this. If nothing else, Chancey boy, you’re still one of the best lookin’ dudes ever to leave prison with his ass intact.”

I broke out into almost hysterical laughter. I was definitely going to miss him. “You’re a good bloke. You’ve always had a knack for showing me the bright side of things.”

“Glad I could do that for you.”

“I’ll keep in touch, eh?” I said, exiting the cell.

I let out a deep breath as I followed the prison guard through the halls amidst the heckling, swearing and applause of my fellow inmates.

He took me to a room where I signed the release papers. This felt surreal. I definitely expected to be happier about leaving. Instead, the fact that I was about to become a free man left me feeling surprisingly numb.

I waited alone until he returned with a large plastic Ziploc containing my belongings. Opening that bag was like opening a time capsule of an abandoned life. There were my jeans, and navy pullover sweatshirt that I’d been wearing when I turned myself in, along with my wallet, phone and watch.

My iPhone was dead, so I asked the guard if he could find me a charger. Since it was an older phone, no one seemed to have the right kind. Apple had apparently come out with two new versions since my imprisonment began. That figured. The guard was finally able to find someone in the office with a charger that fit my phone.

“You can charge your phone in here, get dressed, and then you’re free to go.”

I nodded. “Thank you, sir.”

I plugged the charger into the wall and proceeded to change into my clothes. After several minutes, a light illuminated the screen of my phone as the device turned on. I waited a bit longer to allow the battery to gain enough juice to last the trip to surprise my sister. I was originally going to have her pick me up, but I decided to keep mum instead.

When it was time to walk out, I felt like a fish out of water. My footsteps past the guard booth were intentionally slow.

The bright sunshine outside the gates was a shock to my system. There I was standing in front of the massive prison building wearing the same clothes from two years ago and having no clue what to do with myself. It felt like the day I turned myself in was just yesterday and a lifetime ago all at once.

How did one become reacquainted with his own life? I felt like asking myself, “Where did we leave things again?”

I looked around me. There should have been a guidebook of what the fuck to do with yourself when you’re let out of prison.

When you’re locked up, it seems like your life is on pause. You come out expecting and wanting everything to be exactly the same, but knowing damn well that it’s not.

All I fucking wanted right then was to go back to exactly where my life left off.

She was where my life left off.

What I wouldn’t have given to snap my fingers and have her pull up to the jail in the BMW with that stinking animal in the backseat. One could only dream.

My mind was heading into delusional and dangerous territory. I shook my head and pulled out my phone to look up the number for a car service then remembered I had no data plan. Miraculously, the internet seemed to work. My phone was part of a family plan with my sister, and she must have continued paying the bill. I decided I’d walk to the nearest train station instead of taking a cab. Before I started the trek, I happened to click on my photo library.

Big. Fucking. Mistake.

It opened up to the last picture taken. It was of Aubrey. There she was.

Oh. God.

My heart felt like it came alive again after a two year hiatus.

Princess.

Suddenly, the emotions I was hoping to suppress had appeared in all of their glory, completely overpowering the numbness I’d experienced just minutes earlier.

I’d almost forgotten how beautiful she was. Aubrey never knew I took that picture. I’d snapped it of her sleeping peacefully in the hotel room right before I left. I wanted to always remember that moment.

Our fucking wedding night. It was supposed to be fake, but it felt all too real. Nothing had ever felt more real in my entire life.

Now, I was cursing at myself for ever thinking that taking that photo was a good idea. I should have deleted every single last image of her so that I’d never have to look at what I lost—the heart that I damn well knew I’d shattered into a million pieces.