Chasing Imperfection (Chasing 2)

I waited a beat until I spoke. I wanted—needed—to savor the look on her face when I told her my good news. “Everything’s changed you see. About an hour ago, I offered my hand in marriage to Camilla, if she’ll have me again.”

Oh, bloody joy! The look of horror hit her full-on.

“But—but….but we had sex last night?” she whispered through tears.

Her tears didn’t even move me, not anymore. “Your point is? It’s just sex Sienna. You were gagging for it, so why not? It was right there and you were quite easy.” I smiled wickedly at her, enjoying her tortured face. “A pu**y is a pu**y. A man can get it anywhere and from now on—I will surely be f**king and will be getting f**ked by Camilla, my future wife.”

She gripped the back of the chair and for some reason, it reminded me of her calamitous visit to my office in South Bank—the one where she confronted me with my engagement, the hellish irony.

The room was deafening, I could hear her erratic breathing as she took in the news. When she looked up, the hurt in her eyes almost—almost made me want to reach out to her. “You can’t do that—you mustn’t.”

“Too late,” I shrugged without care.

She was sobbing. “But I love you…I’ve been in love with you.”

My eyes misted with anger at her confession. “How bloody f**king convenient! Let’s stop the charade, I’m growing rather bored.”

“But I do love you Blake—I lied because I was scared. But I’m tired of being scared. I wanted to start living my life—that’s why I came here speak to you. I wanted to give us another try—and for me to do that, I had to forgive you and I did… and I have, forgiven you.”

“Do you know how I longed to hear you utter those three words? I used to dream about it—I wanted it so bad—I wanted you so bad, it hurt. But you f**king didn’t give a hoot about any of that. Sex was all you wanted from me. You admitted it as such—there’s no need to lie anymore. It’s over.”

Nodding as she wiped a tear. “I guess it really is,” she sniffed. “I really am very sorry, Blake. For all the intentional and the unintentional pain I caused you. I did it all because I love you. This love—with you was different from what I had with Kyle. It was exquisitely intense, it overpowered all of my senses—and it terrified me. I protected myself by wanting to shut you out. But you dissolved that layer of protection and I was left vulnerable. That made me defensive. But it’s all silly now isn’t it?” She gave a small laugh.

“For what it’s worth, I just want you to be happy and if marrying her will make you happy—then I wholeheartedly give my blessing.”

She was about to leave but halted. “I’m going to pack my things and leave. Can you tell them that there was an emergency with Kyle and that he needed me there? I can’t face any of them right now. Um, I guess—I’ll be seeing you.”

Giving me a brave genuine smile, she tore me apart. “Goodbye, Blake.”

I stared at the shutting door, utterly flabbergasted.

She said she loved me—for the very first time and now she’s leaving.

She was lying, of course she was. Because she never did love me, if she did, she wouldn’t have waited until the very last minute. But this is Sienna—her roughened childhood made her defensive and it was the only way she knew how to protect herself. Could she possibly be telling me the truth?

Do I want to spend the rest of my life trying to figure out if she meant those words or not? Hell the f**k no!

I sprinted through the main floor, through the stairs and towards her bedroom door. I didn’t even bother to knock before I let myself inside.

Her luggage was on the bed and she was putting her neatly folded clothes inside. She kept wiping her tears away and sniffing softly.

Her back stiffened when I spoke. “I will give you a month—a month to show and prove to me that you meant what you said downstairs. I will hold off any talks of my engagement for that allotted time. I’m not guaranteeing you anything. I don’t know if I would want you in my life after the month is over. It is purely up to you, if you want to do this or not.”

“A month?” she asked, turning around.

“Only a month.”

Pressing her lips together and wiped another tear. “Okay, I’ll take it.”

I felt relieved for some reason. “All right then, I guess you can unpack and rest a bit while I work for awhile. You can keep this room but I expect you to share my bed every night.” She nodded and bit her bottom lip.

“Blake?”

“Yes?”

She looked so gorgeous it hurt even if she’s crying buckets and sniffing ‘til kingdom come, she always took my breath away. “Would it be too much if I asked you to kiss me?”

She melted a fraction of my cold heart. “No, not at all as long as you promise to stop crying, I don’t like seeing you cry.” I went to where she stood and gently wiped her tears away.

When our lips touched, she sighed delightfully. I meant to kiss her for a minute or two—but it was hard to pull away once it started to get heated and ardent with passionate need.

I stopped when I tasted tears and pulled away with worry. “What’s wrong?” I studied her face, but she smiled through her tears.

“I’m just happy—thank you for giving me this chance.” I nodded and left the room with troubled thoughts.

A month, Knightly….one long arduous month, surely you can manage to not fall back in the throes of love with her by your side?

Heaven help me if I do.

21

Sienna

The rest of the day passed quickly. Luce was leaving tomorrow, so Chad and I tried to spend as much time with her. She tried to avoid Toby as much as she could. The poor thing was so heartbroken anyone could see it every time he looked at her.

We were having dinner on the shore below Blake’s villa. There was a huge table that accommodated all of us and the beach was alight with torches and a few bonfires. There is even an Arabian tent with all the colorful silks and beaded pillow trenched with thick wooden poles. I suppose this is common around the area. The Moor influence was quite strong. The tent reminded me of that time when Blake took me to a spa and told me for the first time how much he’s wanted me. It felt so long ago now, I thought sadly.

He’s been strategically avoiding me since he emerged from his study. He wasn’t blatant about it and he did it so subtlety that not even Chad or Luce noticed. But I did. I noticed it and I pretended that it didn’t hurt me one bit.