Chasing Imperfection (Chasing 2)

I pulled her silken robe to my nostrils and inhaled her scent. It was faint but it was remarkably, undeniably hers.

I woke up from the gentle strokes caressing my forehead. But my drunken state made it difficult to open my eyes so I grunted in earnest.

“Shhhhh…..rest my love,” she whispered softly, “I’m so sorry.”

Her gentle caresses calmed and comforted me. She said “my love” but I doubt that meant love.

“Stay—don’t leave me.” And go to him.

I am hurt but I know I would rather die than not have her with me. Maybe in time we will forgive each other and our misguided decisions.

In time….I can only hope.

“If that’s what you want.” It is.

I heard her shuffle and flick the lamp switch off. She hugged me from behind. She was crying softly and I was gutted hearing her soft sobs.

If I just made the right decision and told her about the blasted engagement in the very beginning….severed my ties with the Clayworths….then none of this would be happening. I wouldn’t have bedded different women and she wouldn’t have given herself to Kyle. She and I would’ve been very happy…..

The strangest thing about love is that it doesn’t stop even if disaster strikes. It engulfs you and intertwines with every single atom of your very existence.

I did this to us…. I did this to her…. I couldn’t stop the pain that was consuming us both.

But she’s here with me. Her being here is enough. She might not voice how she felt about me but I knew she cared.

“I love you….most ardently….senselessly….desperately.”

“How—how can you love me after what I did to you?” Sienna sobbed in between words.

I turned and faced her. My heart constricted at the very sight of her.

“I just do. That’s why it’s love—it’s unconditional. Whether you commit a mistake or a hundred, I would still love you. They say the most romantic kind of love is the unfinished kind. The kind that will forever burn and mark your soul—you’ve bewitched me, body and soul. I love you—and whether you do or don’t feel the same, my love is unequivocal.”

“I’m sorry Blake. I don’t want to see you hurt ever again.”

I hugged her and she cried more on my shoulder and spoke softly to her, “I’m sorry too—we both made mistakes and hurt each other badly in the process.”

My thoughts were still in turmoil. My heart still beats with grief. But we reached a higher ground, a ground with common level of understanding.

The ball is in her field, I just don’t know which goalkeeper she’d take her shot at.

One can only hope….

I don’t have any clue how long we both stayed awake. But I went to sleep right after she stopped sobbing and her breathing evened.

14

Sienna

I woke up alone in Blake’s bed. It was Tuesday and I have to rush back to school and visit Chad right after because I failed to do that in my miserable state yesterday.

Seeing Blake’s crestfallen face lacerated me. I cried all afternoon and Luce finally managed to convince me to follow him. It was almost seven at night when I called Luke and asked if Blake was in the office but he told me Blake didn’t go in at all. I grabbed the key he gave me with its handmade pink and white diamond lily and directly went to his apartment in Mayfair.

I found him in his bedroom faced down with my soft pink silk robe on the bed. The way he clutched my robe broke me into sobs. He was passed out and the empty cognac bottle sat mere inches away from his large hand.

Last night was difficult but I am relieved that Blake and I found some common ground.

But I didn’t know where to go from there and but before I fell asleep, I decided I wouldn’t go anywhere at all. Not to Kyle or Blake. I’ve caused both men enough pain to last a lifetime. We all caused each other enough damage. It was time to make amends and let go.

I love them both…

I love Kyle because he kept me safe ever since the day we met. I love him for being there for me constantly and supporting me tirelessly. But most of all, he loved me—scars and all.

I love Blake because he splintered through my guarded heart and made it beat again. His passionate nature and his beauty ensnared, seized and held me captive. I’ve never felt more alive than when I’m with him. He simply took my breath away and he accepted me fully—as a woman and as a person. I’ve never felt so complete and I fell madly in love. I fell hard. He took every single thing to another level and made it his—a fact that he applies in all aspects in his life.

There was nowhere to hide—I clung unto the man and hopped on to the nonsensical rollercoaster that we made for ourselves—there was no one to blame but us.

It was time to get off the rollercoaster and face the reality of the mess I’ve created for myself.

I got myself out of bed and looked for Blake.

He was staring idly at the counter, pensive. Freshly showered and shaven in his dark suit, he looked elegantly and magnificently gorgeous. My stomach did a somersault. He instantly looked up when I entered the kitchen.

“Hi.”

“Hello,” he smiled sadly at me. My chest clutched heavily.

He turned around and started to prepare a cup of coffee for me. I didn’t want him to but he seemed to want to do something, so I obliged.

“What are your plans today?” he asked as he planted the coffee before me.

“Thank you. I actually have to go to school for a few hours then I’m going to see Chad. Isn’t he going to be discharged tomorrow?”

“Yes, he will be. I’ll take you to school and we can go see Chad together if you want.”

“Aren’t you going to be busy all day?”

He shrugged. “Need not worry—I’ve got it covered.”

“Okay, that would be fine if you want to take me to school and see Chad together.”

After drinking our coffees in a comfortable silence, I dashed to the bathroom and showered. I was shocked to find all of my things were still in the same place I left them. My perfume, toothbrush, facial items and paraphernalia I had left before we broke up—were all in the very same spot. Sure, the place is squeaky clean, due to his housekeeper Freya, no doubt—but it seemed like he wanted them just as is, like he expected me to be back here with him, again.

My clothes still hung in the His and Hers walk-in closet. A beautiful big rounded white suede lounge chair sat in between the closets. I sat there for a minute staring wide-eyed at the ever-present closet that had my things in them.