Chasing Imperfection (Chasing 2)

“Sweetie—you don’t have to say anything right now. Maybe you should rest.”

He shook his head, “Thanks…but no. I have to get this out. I have to let it out.” I nodded and waited for him to continue.

“After that first try—I did more for the next few days. They introduced me to gambling and my coke consumption accelerated daily. My body started to weaken from lack of sleep and nutrition, but I didn’t care anymore. The night before we met at the pub to catch up, my parents called again. It was a short call…just basically telling me that I was disowned and that they’ll ship all of my things here or they would donate it. My mom—we used to be so close and I felt betrayed that my own mother can’t even be there for me. The mother I knew became cold and distant—she didn’t sound like my mom. She told me she hated me and never wished to see me again. That call ended me—it ended everything that I believed in. So, I went out with the same crowd—feeling like piece of shit and feeling worthless. I decided that night to consume a great amount of coke and alcohol until I passed out and never surfaced again.”

Lucy hugged him. “Chad—you should’ve told us. I didn’t have a clue nor did Sienna. We felt so helpless. I’m sorry…”

We all sobbed quietly together, even Toby looked teary and Blake mainly looked grieved. Our little reunion was interrupted when Dr. Hill entered the room. “I see you’ve been catching up with your mates,” he smiled at all of us. “We have to run a few more tests and I need Chad to be well rested. You’re all more than welcome to come back tomorrow.”

We were all hesitant to leave him in the hospital alone—but we had to follow the doctor’s orders. We all took turns saying goodbye. When it was my turn, I held him tightly and kissed his forehead. Looking at Chad’s dark sorrow-filled eyes, “Life has its way of testing our limits and this won’t be the last time it will try to take you down. But know that—when you’re beaten and drowning, we’re all here to help and pull you out of the dark. That’s what we’re here for. We love you.” As I kissed his forehead, Chad smiled brightly at me.

“Thanks baby love.”

I gave him a little wave before leaving the room and promised him that we’ll all be back tomorrow morning.

Hopping in the cab, we were all silent again. I smirked thinking that we tend to be quiet lately when we’re all in a car. Someone’s stomach growled, breaking the eerie silence. Lucy laughed like she was being tickled. We all joined in—her laughter was contagious. I caught a glimpse of Blake laughing and I felt my heart convulse with agony. He looked like the Blake…the old Blake, happy and amorous. I think we all felt relieved that our friend was out of the woods. I can’t pray enough to say my thanks.

“Sorry fellas—but I’m peckish,” Toby declared.

“What do you fancy? We could grab something on the way.” Luce kissed his cheek and rested her head on his shoulder.

“Spaghetti.”

She smiled, “Then spaghetti it is.” Kissing her forehead, he whispered “I love you” and she happily sighed and returned the sentiment.

I looked away and faced the window trying to distract myself. Hordes of people walking about drunk and boisterous clearly enjoying their night—and yet I was blindly seeing nothing. How I wish my mom and dad were alive. They would guide me and give me good advice—then maybe I wouldn’t be such a broken person and I didn’t have to go through the living nightmare in hell with the Browns. If I grew up with my parents, I’d be a different person. But alas, luck wasn’t on my side. I am what I am—no point in wishing and dwelling otherwise. I want what Toby and Luce have. But for me to be able to achieve that, I have to break down all the barriers I have erected around me. That’s a tough predicament to embark upon. And I’m not ready to be barefaced and open.

The cab stopped outside our flat building and Toby paid the driver. We all departed the cab and went inside. Once inside the confines of the apartment, Luce made her way to the kitchen to cook pasta. The smell of warm vanilla and honey permeated the air. I felt calm and relaxed for the very first time in the last few weeks.

I was about to place my purse down on the counter when I heard my phone vibrate. Fishing it out of my purse, I scanned the screen. I had thirty-two missed calls from Kyle. Ten voicemails and a dozen text messages, guilt ate at me. I had seriously forgotten about him. I didn’t even say goodbye because we were a riot the moment we heard Chad woke up.

My, I’m so terrible. Why doesn’t he give up on me? Because he loves you and vowed to marry you since he was ten years old, that’s why.

I went into the living room, sat on the couch and dialed Kyle. Our flat had an open space floor plan and I could hear Luce chopping her heart away in the kitchen while Toby and Blake sat around the counter drinking wine as they chatted about.

“Hey…sorry I didn’t say goodbye before leaving, but the hospital called and informed me that Chad woke up. We all rushed to get there without much thought.” Hearing his depressing sigh, I waited for him to say something.

“You could have at least texted me on the way—but you didn’t even bother.” He sounded so sad. And it’s all because of me. Why didn’t I just shoot him a text message? Why didn’t I think of it? I berated myself. Because you simply forgot about him…period.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you’d worry like this.”

“Just try to remember that the next time you do.”

We chatted for another ten minutes and he asked about Chad. It didn’t feel right to tell him about what Chad revealed to us tonight. So, I left that part out. It wasn’t my story to tell, it was Chad’s. He made me promise to call him tomorrow and we said our goodnights.

I made my way into the kitchen and the smell of brewing tomato sauce and basil made my stomach growl.

Smiling, I sat on the stool in between Blake and Toby. Blake poured me a glass of red wine and carefully placed it before me. He was still distant but he was reaching out. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as I murmured “Thank you.”

“Can someone please set the table?” Lucy asked while she tasted her pasta sauce. Both of the men offered and set out to their duty.

“What can I do to help? Do you guys want garlic bread?” They all said yes in unison. My mood was cheerful and I dashed to get my phone and placed it on the player for some music. I chose the light jazzy beats of Emilie-Claire Barlow and started with Les Yeux Ouverts her own French rendition of the famed song Dream A Little Dream Of Me.